It's always surprises me how many men approach coworkers

[Revolver]

At work. If a female takes a comment or an action the wrong way(sexual harassment)that could be the end of your career. Your job is your livelyhood, is it really worth the risk? Apparently to many guys yes.

[organizedchaos]

At work. If a female takes a comment or an action the wrong way(sexual harassment)that could be the end of your career. Your job is your livelyhood, is it really worth the risk? Apparently to many guys yes.

 

Agreed. I don't mix pleasure in the workplace. Never have in 20 years. Not worth the repercussions to you current job or career. I know there are exceptions but again, I don't play with fire. And I just had to take another 2 hour mandatory for all, sexual harassment training seminar at work.

[Lois_Griffin]

A few years ago I was with a guy that like many, are just clueless.

 

I'm old school so I'm not bothered at all if a man calls me sweetie or hun or any of that stuff. There are just bigger and better things to worry about than silly crap like that in my work life.

 

Anyway, my ex was fairly old school too, and he often called women hun or sweetie (like waitresses or cashiers, etc. etc.) and I used to tell him all the time that you can't do that anymore. He was clueless because it never sunk in and he never stopped.

[eye of the storm]

There will always be males and females who take things "the wrong way".

 

In many of the sexual harassment claims, that I have seen, it wasn't that the woman took it the wrong way, it was that she got tired of having to deal with unprofessional comments.

 

I have for most of my working life worked in male dominated environments. I am currently the only woman in my region. I have no problem telling someone when they cross the line. Because of that, they rarely do it again. And because I let it go, we all get along.

 

Where I see women (or men) have issues, is they try to "get along" and don't immediately inform the person saying or doing something offensive that it isn't appreciated. The other person has no idea, or probably does, but since they are not put on notice they continue with the behavior.

 

Also, in my environment, many men don't really like women working with them so they make comments or do things to intentionally get under the woman's skin and then act like it was "just a joke" or they were kidding, or blame the woman for taking it seriously. When it was intentional all along.

 

As to "approaching" a co-worker, dating in some companies is forbidden, check your regs. If not, as long as you are not a supervisor, and the interest goes both ways, it is not harassment. Usually where harassment comes in is because the person asking doesn't take rejection well, they are trying to quid pro quo (you scratch my "back" I'll scratch yours) or the person being asked feels pressured or cornered.

 

If you maintain a professional demeanor and stay low key with personal stuff you will be fine. Which you really should do with both women and men anyway.

[StanMusial]

The "cold approach" is probably a bad idea in a work environment.

 

With that said, I have seen plenty of people get together in the workplace though. Especially in professions where they work a lot of hours or travel together. Frankly it is nearly impossible to maintain a social life outside of work in some circumstances so you do what you have to do. Two single and reasonable people getting together is OK but when the crazies or marrieds get involved it is bad news obviously.

[frogs88]

It just screams lack of professionalism - the sexual harassment risk is another negative consequence but IMO not what's it's primarily about. Even if there was no possible change of that happening its still questionable to compromise the work environment with romance. Perhaps if you're working some temporary job and really don't care - but even that is something I'd not let myself into. Not that I have to in my field of work, but alas.

[autumnnight]

My work is strict about work relationships. You won't get fired, but if it gets serious, uppers are to be informed, and somebody has to transfer.

 

I don't like the idea because if it goes badly then there's discord or tension.

[Revolver]

Thanks for these answers so far guys. Also for the record I'm not talking about a guy who in 20+ years in the workforce asked out or approached a couple of women he worked with. I'm talking about guys who see the work place as one of his top places to pick up women.

[autumnnight]

Thanks for these answers so far guys. Also for the record I'm not talking about a guy who in 20+ years in the workforce asked out or approached a couple of women he worked with. I'm talking about guys who see the work place as one of his top places to pick up women.

 

These guys would be idiots lol

[Friskyone4u]

A lot of books on relationships and infidelity state the workplace is a common place now to form relationships now. More and more men and women spending more and more time interacting closely with one another and it is inevitable some will become romantic involved .

There is a difference between cordially asking someone out that you spend 50'hours a week with and sexual harassment . Workplace romances can be managed but if infidelity is not involved you are playing with fire .

There would be a lot less people married if all members of the opposite sex were off limits to any social conversation .

Stay within the rules and you will be OK. That means don't push yourself on anyone, no off color remarks, no touching , and no means no.

[carhill]

Since few people today are lifers and workplaces are transitory and so many women work, either as peers or in adjunct positions in the same location, men do what they've always done, hit on women. Now, with equality in the workplace, it's simply added workmates and superiors to the prior commonplace climate of hitting on subordinates, the proverbial chasing the secretary around the desk.

 

In my industry, generally, men don't care what the employer does. They simply quit and go to work for a competitor and hit on women there and rinse and repeat. Skilled techs are in such demand that employers balance the cost of sexual harassment lawsuits with the bottom line profit the man brings in the door and make a numbers decision. The man doesn't care. There's always somewhere else to work and he's been doing the same thing all his adult life. It works. Men adapt and overcome. When the industry ended loyalty to workers, we ended loyalty and respect for the industry. Now it's just a paycheck and a free for all. Heh.

[Robert Z]

Anyway, my ex was fairly old school too, and he often called women hun or sweetie (like waitresses or cashiers, etc. etc.) and I used to tell him all the time that you can't do that anymore. He was clueless because it never sunk in and he never stopped.

 

 

There is no reason why he can't do this publically. I do it all the time. I often default to calling women sweetheart; don't know why but I do. It is meant as a term of endearment, like calling a man "buddy". Never once has anyone ever objected. But who knows, maybe one day some man is going to look at me and say "I'm not your buddy and I'm going to sue!"

 

The workplace sexual harassment stuff has gone way beyond silly. But we are still free to be humans outside of the workplace.

 

As for men hitting on women in the workplace, one look at OLD removes the mysterious motives behind their actions.

Edited May 23, 2015 by Robert Z

[calvincline47]

Personally, I think that dating in the work place is a good idea. If you work in a high stress job (like I do), you will get to know your coworkers very well and see what they're all about.

 

With that said, it's probably not the best idea to use the work place like a bar and be on the lookout for hookups. I'd say that long-term relationships are fine though.

 

But this is coming from a guy that is currently in the military. If I get accused of sexual harassment, I could end up in military prison. So simply being fired from a job doesn't really sound that bad to me lol.

[newmoon]

It always surprises me how many (MARRIED) men approach (SINGLE female) coworkers. they are complete losers. i put a stop to those guys right away, but i think lots of women enjoy the attention no matter who it's coming from and trouble ensues

[gaius]

Your penis generally doesn't give you much choice when you're really attracted to a woman.

[Got it]

Okay to clear up some confusion, the definition for sexual harassment includes it must be "severe and pervasive" so a one time comment of "sweetheart" would not do it. Nor would be asking someone out. NOW if you do not take no for an answer, if you have a pattern of doing this with multiple females, or you are in a supervisor/position of power then you are trending to harassment.

 

What is included in these behaviors is just inappropriate behavior. In my career, being involved in COUNTLESS harassment claims, a good subset is just inappropriate behavior - i.e. leave the person along and be professional, and then sexual harassment.

 

But the idea that we have gone too far in sexual harassment protection is asinine. What that tells me is one, the person has no idea how often it happens, the impact it has on the person, and two, tends to be a person with very blurred lines.

 

Dating in the workplace is very common and most employers are well aware of it. Few have strict dating rules and most just have no dating between supervisors/subordinates. This is where the lawsuit concerns lie. Some will have dating contracts to make sure the two parties, when peers, understand the harassment rules, etc. and go from there. The rule of thumb, keep your personal life personal and don't bring it to the work place. So if you are going to date, be professional at work.

 

And for men, just take no as a full complete answer/response and don't see it as a beginning of a negotiation.

 

And Robert, stop calling women sweetheart that are not, in fact, in a romantic or familial relationship with you. And stop calling men buddy. Both are ridiculous and insulting. They are neither your buddy or your sweetheart. Just use names and be professional.

[darkmoon]

are there workplace seminars for women to learn about guys?

[newmoon]

Okay to clear up some confusion, the definition for sexual harassment includes it must be "severe and pervasive" so a one time comment of "sweetheart" would not do it. Nor would be asking someone out. NOW if you do not take no for an answer, if you have a pattern of doing this with multiple females, or you are in a supervisor/position of power then you are trending to harassment.

 

so, let's say i go into work Tuesday and a guy who has never before come near me comes over and says "you look very sexy today" - you're saying he can get away with that because it's a one-time comment and he hasn't been persistent and pervasive? that would be highly inappropriate. i don't know what job you're in, but sexual harassment in my company is any sexual or body comment that makes you uncomfortable, whether it's the first time or the 100th. you can report that person immediately and have it noted. if you wait until time 10 or etc. you haven't given them a pattern to note. you speak up right away and it doesn't have to go on for a period of time to qualify. in fact, it doesn't even have to be about you - if you hear a person talking to someone else about the large butt and breasts on the Kardashian women or the transgender dad, etc" you can report that immediately if you find the talk offensive. that is also sexual harassment; the workplace is supposed to be completely free of many of the comments people get away with making every day.

[No Limit]

In my country this sexual harassment thing basically doesn't exist. Anything that isn't "almost-raped-by-being-pulled-into-a-wardrobe-at-lunch" will be ignored. People also cannot get fired for affairs or anything like that (found out about it when reading the case of a married woman whose boss found out she was using her work mail address to communicate with her lover).

[Elam]

At work. If a female takes a comment or an action the wrong way(sexual harassment)that could be the end of your career. Your job is your livelyhood, is it really worth the risk? Apparently to many guys yes.

 

Yeah, I never understood that one. Like guys hitting on women in their classroom. If it works, fine, but it doesn't he'll damage his chances with the other women in the classroom and there's always the chance of being called out on sexual harrasment. There are billions of women out there. Don't be lazy. If you want to hit on women, meet women outside of where you go to school or work.

 

In my country this sexual harassment thing basically doesn't exist. Anything that isn't "almost-raped-by-being-pulled-into-a-wardrobe-at-lunch" will be ignored. People also cannot get fired for affairs or anything like that (found out about it when reading the case of a married woman whose boss found out she was using her work mail address to communicate with her lover).

 

Well, in my Country, women can lie about being raped and the dude will be sent to prison without evidence. As it has happened several times. I never really understood the logic of frat boys. Hitting on drunk women, having sex with drunk women, not getting any consensual form signed before having sex with women they don't know.

 

are there workplace seminars for women to learn about guys?

 

What do you mean?

Edited May 24, 2015 by Elam

[Phoe]

Thanks to the rampant "crying wolf" that happens when a guy calls someone sweetheart, or smiles at them the wrong way, my actual case of sexual harassment got swept under the rug.

 

Dude grabbed my breast, right in view of surveillance cameras. Within 5 minutes management knew and an HR case had been filed. HR made a phone call to me once, asking my story, and made a phone call to a coworker of mine who had witnessed his multiple attempts at making me uncomfortable.

 

And that was it. Nothing was done. I had to continue to work with this guy feeling absolutely scared for several months. One of the managers made a point of making sure I was never scheduled with him, since he felt the guy should've been fired but had no say in the matter. One particularly awful manager who is no longer there, seemed to be really mad at me for trying to get one of his "best employees" fired, and made sure my hours suffered and scheduled me for same shifts as him so that he could "talk about it" with me.

 

HR is a ****ing joke. That man now knows he can get away with harassing women, and I was not the first or last. One of the women he came onto after me just loved the sexual attention, and they started having sex outside of work. Just the thought of it made my skin crawl.

[Elam]

Thanks to the rampant "crying wolf" that happens when a guy calls someone sweetheart, or smiles at them the wrong way, my actual case of sexual harassment got swept under the rug.

 

Dude grabbed my breast, right in view of surveillance cameras. Within 5 minutes management knew and an HR case had been filed. HR made a phone call to me once, asking my story, and made a phone call to a coworker of mine who had witnessed his multiple attempts at making me uncomfortable.

 

And that was it. Nothing was done. I had to continue to work with this guy feeling absolutely scared for several months. One of the managers made a point of making sure I was never scheduled with him, since he felt the guy should've been fired but had no say in the matter. One particularly awful manager who is no longer there, seemed to be really mad at me for trying to get one of his "best employees" fired, and made sure my hours suffered and scheduled me for same shifts as him so that he could "talk about it" with me.

 

HR is a ****ing joke. That man now knows he can get away with harassing women, and I was not the first or last. One of the women he came onto after me just loved the sexual attention, and they started having sex outside of work. Just the thought of it made my skin crawl.

 

I'm sorry that you had to go through with that. With the state of the economy as it is it would be hard for anyone to find another job fast enough. I understand why you'd stay in that job still. Men shouldn't interact much with women at where they work or study. Cordial conversation is fine, but you never know when a smile or a kind word might be taken wrongly by the woman and the guy's life is screwed.

 

Men are also sexually harassed and because ''every female attention, especially if its from attractive women '' they can't do much about reporting women who don't mind their space.

[preraph]

There will always be both men and women who will use any excuse to sue their employers so that they don't have to work as hard in the future. That alone should deter a lot of workplace dating. It's very tricky. I get that it's a great place to meet people, but it's also the place most fraught with danger.

[Got it]

so, let's say i go into work Tuesday and a guy who has never before come near me comes over and says "you look very sexy today" - you're saying he can get away with that because it's a one-time comment and he hasn't been persistent and pervasive? that would be highly inappropriate. i don't know what job you're in, but sexual harassment in my company is any sexual or body comment that makes you uncomfortable, whether it's the first time or the 100th. you can report that person immediately and have it noted. if you wait until time 10 or etc. you haven't given them a pattern to note. you speak up right away and it doesn't have to go on for a period of time to qualify. in fact, it doesn't even have to be about you - if you hear a person talking to someone else about the large butt and breasts on the Kardashian women or the transgender dad, etc" you can report that immediately if you find the talk offensive. that is also sexual harassment; the workplace is supposed to be completely free of many of the comments people get away with making every day.

 

No that wasn't what I said at all. It is not sexual harassment. It is inappropriate and the person would be counseled but it does not meet the qualifications, just based on that one statement, to constitute sexual harassment. It has nothing to do with waiting. Did you read what I wrote? It does not mean one sits on an issue. But it doesn't mean that it falls under the exact definition that you think it does.

 

Please go to the EEOC website for further details.

 

Again it has to be severe and pervasive. So if you are working, a man comes up and grabs your boob and says "you look sexy today" that would fall into it.

 

But it is not what so many think that we are so hyper sensitive to things that a guy saying "I love that dress" will have HR jumping down on them for sexual harassment. It isn't like that.

 

In nothing that I wrote said one could not say anything at the first offense. Please reread what I wrote.

[Got it]

Thanks to the rampant "crying wolf" that happens when a guy calls someone sweetheart, or smiles at them the wrong way, my actual case of sexual harassment got swept under the rug.

 

Dude grabbed my breast, right in view of surveillance cameras. Within 5 minutes management knew and an HR case had been filed. HR made a phone call to me once, asking my story, and made a phone call to a coworker of mine who had witnessed his multiple attempts at making me uncomfortable.

 

And that was it. Nothing was done. I had to continue to work with this guy feeling absolutely scared for several months. One of the managers made a point of making sure I was never scheduled with him, since he felt the guy should've been fired but had no say in the matter. One particularly awful manager who is no longer there, seemed to be really mad at me for trying to get one of his "best employees" fired, and made sure my hours suffered and scheduled me for same shifts as him so that he could "talk about it" with me.

 

HR is a ****ing joke. That man now knows he can get away with harassing women, and I was not the first or last. One of the women he came onto after me just loved the sexual attention, and they started having sex outside of work. Just the thought of it made my skin crawl.

 

Did you go back to HR and tell them you were not comfortable working with him? If you are not happy with them, and it does sound like the company, at most did a smack on the wrist, you can contact the EEOC and file a complaint. You don't need to leave to do that. I would suggest talking to them about it and get their feedback and go from there. I am terribly sorry that happened.

 

You are protected from retaliation so if that is happening I would really follow up.