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Moral Dilemma


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Old 5th May 2015, 12:49 AM   #1
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Moral Dilemma

So, I have a bit of a confusing situation, but would really appreciate some help.. I have an amazing fiance whom I've been with for a little over 2 years.. I love her more than anything, but lately we've been having issues.. She doesn't give me the affection I need, and I've discussed this with her several times to no avail. About 3 months agoago I started a new job. I was almost immediately attracted to a co-worker, who constantly initiates flirting with me on a daily basis. In any other situation, there would be no issue.. But, I'm engaged, and she has a boyfriend. My fiance and I are okay with each other flirting, but is her boyfriend okay with it? What is she intending from this flirting? And, I know how wrong it is, but I've been seriously thinking about asking my co-worker if she's down to "hang out alone" if you know what I mean.. I feel horrible about it, but there's so much sexual tension between us it's hard to resist the temptation. And my co-worker flirts hard.. Not like the playful, just messing around flirting.. Basically, I want to know any thoughts on why my co-worker is flirting so hard, and what her intentions may be, and also whether or not I should persue my co-worker.. Yes, morally I know it's wrong.. But the urge is so strong.. Please someone help..
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Old 5th May 2015, 1:00 AM   #2
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Break up with the fiancé if you want to hang with someone else...
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Old 5th May 2015, 1:02 AM   #3
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break up with your fianceé -- you have no business marrying someone you're ALREADY planning to cheat on. recognize this situation as a RED FLAG that's telling you that marrying this girl would be a HUUUUUGE mistake.

THEN, talk to this other woman, tell her you're attracted to her and see what happens. you can do this in a good, respective way... or you can be messy and bring unnecessary drama & pain to folks.

don't do this thinking it will be something casual, a one - time thing & that your fiancée won't find out. things will, most definitely, go wrong.

all that being said, focus your attention on your own relationship and deal with that. you're worried over a flirty co-worker when you're about to marry someone and make your life a living hell - prioritize.
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Old 5th May 2015, 2:03 AM   #4
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When you discussed your need for more affection with your fiancé did you tell her exactly what that meant to you.........as in what it would look like if she were doing it the way you want her to?
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Old 5th May 2015, 3:38 AM   #5
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Idk...

I don't know, I find it odd that in two years your fiance all of a sudden stops showing you affection. I mean, once you you put a ring on, aren't people supposed to be on "good behavior" cuz they wanna make sure you seal the deal and take them to the altar?

Just curious, have you guys set a wedding date? I mean, I'm just trying to see why your fiance would stop showing a lack of affection towards you.

Anywho, if you are ready to cheat - IMO, your future marriage and current RL is already in trouble.

Again, the moments leading up to the marriage - especially the "honeymoon" period shortly after marriage is when the couple should be allover each other - not looking at other people.
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Old 5th May 2015, 8:27 AM   #6
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Withholding affection before you're even married... discussed several times and nothing has changed. I'd say you need to consider a decision that will save you years of angst and pain.

Now about that coworker... she's showing you how your fiancé should be making you feel... opportunity knocking, perhaps. But if you get the order of operations mixed up you're going to make a mess of it.

Deal with the financé first. And remember, if she (the coworker) is willing to cheat with you... then you know what you need to know about her too.
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Old 5th May 2015, 9:17 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
Deal with the financé first. And remember, if she (the coworker) is willing to cheat with you... then you know what you need to know about her too.
And what does that^^statement mean?

Just cuz some people get involved with "involved" people doesn't mean were serial cheaters w/o a conscious.

When I'm with a guy, I'm with "him" even if he's involved with someone else. Shoot, quite frankly in RLs (with involved or single guys), I'm the one who has gotten "cheated" on.

Why do/where do people come up with this stuff?

My gf and I were talking about this and I've even see it on TV, couple "cheats" on their SO, dump their SOs and now can't get along cuz they are scared that since the other person cheated with them - they will now cheat with just anyone
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Old 5th May 2015, 9:21 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake561 View Post
Basically, I want to know any thoughts on why my co-worker is flirting so hard, and what her intentions may be, and also whether or not I should persue my co-worker.. Yes, morally I know it's wrong.. But the urge is so strong.. Please someone help..
Ask your fiancee what you should do.

She might have some useful ideas.
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Old 5th May 2015, 11:20 AM   #9
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Things will definitely get harder if you pursue this co-worker prior to talking to your fiancee and figuring out what's going on there. TRUST ME I've been there.

You are at a great moment in this ordeal to make the right decision before making a bad choice.

I think you should be honest with your fiancee. Tell her that you love her, but that the lack of affection in your relationship has made you feel emotionally distant and it's causing you to have thoughts of cheating. Include her in the decision to work on the relationship seriously or to mutually agree that the relationship isn't working out. You will respect yourself more in the long run going this route.
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Old 5th May 2015, 12:09 PM   #10
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You are playing with fire, my friend.


When people ask me how to become successful, I tell them...'there is no such thing as luck...people put themselves in the position to succeed'. The corollary of that is, you can also put yourself in the position to really screw things up. That's what you're attempting to do.


I promise you, if you follow this path, it will eat you up. If you follow this line of thinking, it will eat you up. If you act on this, it will mess you up for a year.


Right now you are following an unhealthy chain of thinking. Do you fantasize a lot? Are you into porn? Do you lust because of jealousy of what you think others are getting or what you should be getting?


Break these thoughts. Train yourself to think of women as people. Stop idolizing other bodies. I promise you that if you change the way you think and focus your sexual energy on your partner...she will inadvertently pick up on that.
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Old 5th May 2015, 12:56 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Gloria25 View Post
And what does that^^statement mean?

Just cuz some people get involved with "involved" people doesn't mean we're serial cheaters w/o a conscious.

When I'm with a guy, I'm with "him" even if he's involved with someone else. Shoot, quite frankly in RLs (with involved or single guys), I'm the one who has gotten "cheated" on.

Why do/where do people come up with this stuff?

My gf and I were talking about this and I've even see it on TV, couple "cheats" on their SO, dump their SOs and now can't get along cuz they are scared that since the other person cheated with them - they will now cheat with just anyone
I didn't realize this thread was about you, but I guess it struck a nerve.

So how does this work in your mind exactly... it's fine to be the skank that someone is cheating with, as long as you're only phukking one of them at a time?

It takes a special kind of logic to arrive at that- maybe I need to watch more tv.
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Old 5th May 2015, 1:14 PM   #12
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It is morally wrong to pursue another woman when you are in a committed relationship. Period.

If you want to pursue other women, end your relationship with your fiance' first, but ask yourself this question...do you really want to end your relationship with a woman who loves you for the possibility of dating a woman who inappropriately flirts with co-workers when she has a boyfriend?

My advice to you is to control your urges and act with moral dignity.
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Old 5th May 2015, 2:01 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by salparadise View Post

It takes a special kind of logic to arrive at that- maybe I need to watch more tv.
Exactly...

Cuz I'm not your "average bear"...What makes me "tick" and how I see the world is unique to say the least. I have yet to meet a creature that is like me in every way.

Also, I am "borrowing" the person who I'm seeing and is involved with someone else. I'm not disrupting their situation in the least...
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Old 5th May 2015, 2:14 PM   #14
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it's not morally wrong. you're not married.... and you haven't done anything.
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Old 5th May 2015, 2:14 PM   #15
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So long as you are being 100% honest ahead of time with everyone involved, and they are okay with it, I don’t see a moral problem.

I’m just betting that your fiancé wouldn’t be okay with it.

Also, would you be okay with your fiancé doing that? If you are okay with your doing it but not with her doing it, that is part of what you have to tell her ahead of time.

So, why are you engaged? Do you want an open marriage?
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