DatingDirection Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 (edited) I feel so good to have finally told him...I like you, and here are some of the reasons why I like you. I told him that I had a good feeling we would have made a great connection. After 9 months, of me keeping this to myself. At the end of what I said to him, I told him, it may be best if we didn't stay friends. To myself, I know I want to keep him in my life, I just don't know if that's such a good thing. I told him, if he changes his mind id love to hear from him down the road. He said he could feel that I like him, but that he feels character wise we wouldn't be good together. What puzzles me is that he would like us to remain friends, and he says im sweet, and have a heart of gold, and beautiful lips, he added, but that in the long term, "character" is what he feels wouldn't make us a great match. This is really ambivalent of his use of the word character, and what's more confusing is, he's attracted to me, this I know, and he likes me as a friend. I really do like his friendship. He's unique, and has a lot of qualities that reflect my own personality, and perspective on things. Do I maintain a friendship with him, say nothing to his reponce? If I do respond, im not sure what I can say to: I understand if you don't want to stay friends, but I would like to stay friends with you, after the fact, I said it may not be a good idea for us to remain friends. Edited April 27, 2015 by DatingDirection Added in important info. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I feel so good to have finally told him...I like you, and here are some of the reasons why I like you. I told him that I had a good feeling we would have made a great connection. After 9 months, of me keeping this to myself. At the end of what I said to him, I told him, it may be best if we didn't stay friends. To myself, I know I want to keep him in my life, I just don't know if that's such a good thing. I told him, if he changes his mind id love to hear from him down the road. He said he could feel that I like him, but that he feels character wise we wouldn't be good together. What puzzles me is that he would like us to remain friends, and he says im sweet, and have a heart of gold, and beautiful lips, he added, but that in the long term, "character" is what he feels wouldn't make us a great match. This is really ambivalent of his use of the word character, and what's more confusing is, he's attracted to me, this I know, and he likes me as a friend. I really do like his friendship. He's unique, and has a lot of qualities that reflect my own personality, and perspective on things. Do I maintain a friendship with him, say nothing to his reponce? If I do respond, im not sure what I can say to: I understand if you don't want to stay friends, but I would like to stay friends with you, after the fact, I said it may not be a good idea for us to remain friends. Congrats on putting yourself out there! I know that can be tough, and kudos to you for being brave and stating how you feel. If say whether or not you could remain friends is up to you. Could you handle it if he got a serious girlfriend? Someone that he was obviously crazy about? Would you be jealous, or would you be genuinely happy for him? It's okay if you say you'd be jealous; that would mean that staying friends would be a bad idea for you. Otherwise, if you'd be genuinely happy for them, then I don't see the harm. Link to post Share on other sites
whirl3daway Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Do you think perhaps he means his own character? He stated some really nice things about who you are... maybe he thinks you're too good for him, and that he's not good enough for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DatingDirection Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Maybe...I didn't think of looking at it that way. How could I show him, he's good enough? I did think, maybe im not rich enough for him, or he's afraid that I wouldn't be able to contribute to the lifestyle he wants, but then again, I don't think he's looking to be rich, but maybe it has something to do with how much money I earn? Link to post Share on other sites
MCGar Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Don't try to convince him that he's good enough or for that matter that you are good enough. The only way I see that you two could be friends is if you stay away long enough for you to get over him and have a boyfriend. Only then will the vague boundaries of friend vs emotional boyfriend be clear. You will have all of your focus of emotional needs on your boyfriend and whatever is platonic will be left for whatever friends you want. I think that he wants to stay friends because he probably really enjoys the attention and attraction you have towards him. Subconsciously it fills up a spot in him. My bet is that if you let him know that you want distance for a while, then he will seek you out after a bit to get his fix. I don't advise reconnecting until you are completely over him. Otherwise your heart is going to be on a string that he will bat back and forth from pure idleness. My own opinion is that it says a lot about his character that he KNEW you liked him romantically and instead of creating a safe distance for your sake he indulged in all emotional fullfillment that you could offer and bedamn your wellbeing. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Can't be sure, but his reference to character being the obstacle may be another way of him saying maybe you're more traditional than him and that he doesn't want to be that traditional. At the very least, it means he doesn't see you as a good match and that you're not on the same level in that respect. If it hurts you to see him as a friend, don't do it. It would probably hold you back from finding the right person. But you got it off your chest and he was nice about it at least, so I hope that's some closure for you. As the Rolling Stones once said "You can't always get what you want; but you'll find sometimes you get what you need." Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Is this the guy you slept with by "mistake" a while back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DatingDirection Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 No Gloria, it's not I learned my lesson about that one. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DatingDirection Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Whatever it is...I don't care anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 He said he could feel that I like him, but that he feels character wise we wouldn't be good together. What puzzles me is that he would like us to remain friends, and he says im sweet, and have a heart of gold, and beautiful lips, he added, but that in the long term, "character" is what he feels wouldn't make us a great match. Translation: "You're a good friend, but I'm not attracted to you." Whether he means it in the spiritual or physical sense, you aren't what he's looking for in a relationship. He knew you liked him and was hoping you wouldn't bring it up so it wouldn't be awkward. Either accept his friendship for what it is or write it off, because his feelings aren't going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DatingDirection Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Translation: "You're a good friend, but I'm not attracted to you." Whether he means it in the spiritual or physical sense, you aren't what he's looking for in a relationship. He knew you liked him and was hoping you wouldn't bring it up so it wouldn't be awkward. Either accept his friendship for what it is or write it off, because his feelings aren't going to change. Actually, he is attracted to me very much so. This is know. He's a big flirt with me, and once suggested we should sleep together without string attached. I think it may be more spiritually we're not on the same path, which is understandable, since my spiritual practises are not mainstream. Link to post Share on other sites
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