minimariah Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 i have one simple question - all of you happily married people (or in a LTRs) who have been together for a longer period of time... what do you do to keep the passion alive? i would especially like to hear from couples with children! do you have any "tricks", dates, rules...? i remember reading on another thread one poster saying how they (as a couple) have kids-free room and i loved that idea. i also know a lot of folks do dates and romantic evenings together... so what do you do? what are the little things you do from keeping your relationship or marriage from getting too boring and too comfortable? thank y'all. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 What do you consider a longer period of time? Link to post Share on other sites
Syberia Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) Well, the other day I went and bought lingerie, candles, whipped cream, chocolate chips, and duct tape. I can only imagine what the cashier at Wal-Mart was thinking as she rang me up for all of it That said, a few weeks ago, I came here because I was afraid the 'passion' might have died, and it was entirely my fault. I just started paying more attention to her. Being interested in what she's doing. Telling her she looks nice. Surprising her on her lunch break at work. Buying her something she likes instead of complaining about money. Taking her on a date and keeping my phone turned off the whole time. For us, we just needed to be reminded of the way things used to be. It may have started out as "work" at first, but I don't see it that way anymore because I love her and I'm enjoying where it has taken us. Edited April 21, 2015 by Syberia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Out of the bedroom, feed your respective and shared passions in life. After working out together, or playing basketball together, we are always more passionate in bed. A little healthy competition gets the endorphins flowing. Stay connected. Emotional connection feeds the next step. Don't let resentments build and fester. Show care and concern for your partner. Appreciate him/her. Stay open in the bedroom. Share fantasies, play, explore. The possibilities are endless. One fantasy can lead to months of exploration, and then we are onto another thing for a while... Play together; stay together. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Syberia Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Stay connected. Emotional connection feeds the next step. Don't let resentments build and fester. Show care and concern for your partner. Appreciate him/her. This was a big one for us. I posted about it here, and thankfully we were not too far gone to fix it, but whenever we'd have a disagreement, nothing ever got resolved or talked about after. We'd leave each other alone, cool off, let it blow over, and never discuss it again. She seemed perfectly fine with this process, but for me it was slowly (over the course of years) building resentment under the surface. I tried to bring it up to her and talk about it, she shut me down and got angry and told me she doesn't want to fight with me. After showing that I'm willing to change first, doing the things I mentioned above, and a lot of love-making, she's changed her tune and is willing to talk to me about things that I feel are problems. We've worked through a lot of them, without arguing this time 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 What do you consider a longer period of time? let's say, more than 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 This is a question I asked for years, and now it pains me. I had passion with someone who chose "good and comfortable" instead. Very recently. Maybe you can't have both? Maybe there really is the type of woman you "date" and the type you marry? Maybe men or people say they want both but they really don't? I have no idea, but I'm at the point of being willing to give up on passion if someone can just be trusted to STAY and not stray. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 This is a question I asked for years, and now it pains me. I had passion with someone who chose "good and comfortable" instead. Very recently. Maybe you can't have both? Maybe there really is the type of woman you "date" and the type you marry? Maybe men or people say they want both but they really don't? I have no idea, but I'm at the point of being willing to give up on passion if someone can just be trusted to STAY and not stray. It is possible to have both. Some people have their own issues that interfere (madonna/whore complex), but others manage it just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 syberia, i'm happy that you & your W reconnected during that little crisis. it's wonderful reading both you & xxoo write about your marriages with so much love 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 let's say, more than 5 years. I'm eliminated! (No worries, thx.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Syberia Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 syberia, i'm happy that you & your W reconnected during that little crisis. it's wonderful reading both you & xxoo write about your marriages with so much love Thanks. Instead of putting in an effort to fix things, I just sat there making a big issue in my mind out of small things to the point where I kind of convinced myself that this is how things are and there's no fixing it. I blame my parents and the dysfunctional example of "marriage" that I grew up with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 I'm eliminated! (No worries, thx.) nooooooo, come back here! you can still share your experiences, it doesn't matter for how long you're in a relationship. i just wanted tips for the way you keep the passion and sexual connection alive. so every experience is welcomed! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Thanks. Instead of putting in an effort to fix things, I just sat there making a big issue in my mind out of small things to the point where I kind of convinced myself that this is how things are and there's no fixing it. I blame my parents and the dysfunctional example of "marriage" that I grew up with. I am so glad you found your way back. It's funny that you blame your parents. I find myself being mixed about my own parents because they DID keep the romantic part alive throughout their marriage, and I wonder if living with them gave me unrealistic expectations? May be their example was so good no mere mortal like me could match it lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Syberia Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) I am so glad you found your way back. It's funny that you blame your parents. I find myself being mixed about my own parents because they DID keep the romantic part alive throughout their marriage, and I wonder if living with them gave me unrealistic expectations? May be their example was so good no mere mortal like me could match it lol Mine essentially did not talk to each other, and spent most of their time in different rooms of the house. They never showed each other affection, and barely showed me or my brother any. My mom at one point told me that this was how marriage works - the love goes away, and you stay together for the kids. Not the kind of life I want for myself, but sometimes I end up with an irrational fear that it's inevitable. And when things weren't so great between my wife and I, I found myself starting to accept it. Edited April 21, 2015 by Syberia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 My husband and I regularly remind each other about those things that initially drew us together. We exalt each other with praise, compliments, and encouragement. We try to always be "up" towards each other, versus "down." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 nooooooo, come back here! you can still share your experiences, it doesn't matter for how long you're in a relationship. i just wanted tips for the way you keep the passion and sexual connection alive. so every experience is welcomed! Ok. No kids in the mix between me and BF so we're both at liberty to keep sex very much at the forefront of our relationship. Honestly, it hasn't waned in the slightest yet, but I think that tends to be because of my libido. (I'm one of those where it always seems to be escalating, so forex age 25 was my best year sexually, then age 26, ....then age 30, ....then age 35 and so on. No end in sight yet.) I pretty much just bring the BF along for the ride and don't leave him a choice. We're getting close to the three year mark I guess. That said, we do engage in quite a bit of outside-the-mainstream activities that I'm not really sure I should publicize here. That tends to keep things pretty vital, because he never knows what's coming, and I never know what I'm gonna do from day to day until it occurs to me. Mini, you seem like a very sexual woman from what I've read of you on here ....I'm guessing you're just being proactive and looking ahead to deal with any potential issues down the road? Seems like you wouldn't be the sort to have any real challenges in that department. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Mini, you seem like a very sexual woman from what I've read of you on here ....I'm guessing you're just being proactive and looking ahead to deal with any potential issues down the road? Seems like you wouldn't be the sort to have any real challenges in that department. something like that! i'm always afraid that passion might disappear with years and kids so i want to always stay "fresh" and new and adventurous... you already know. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 My husband and I still flirt with each other. He'll be at lacrosse practice with one kid, I'll be at volleyball with another kid, but we'll text each other about what we're gonna do to each other later. He loves how I look in yoga pants, so I wear them a lot around the house. I'll catch him watching me bend over to pick up something, and I'll look him in the eye and smile. It's like we build up sexual tension throughout the day with little touches or comments. We role play sometimes and watch porn together. We've been together since 1991. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 I have no idea, but I'm at the point of being willing to give up on passion if someone can just be trusted to STAY and not stray. i've been at this place... but i can't live without passion. i crave, need passion like oxygen. but i assume it's hard to mantain the passion through many years together with the same person. like, i don't want to run out of stuff to be passionate about with my partner. My husband and I still flirt with each other. He'll be at lacrosse practice with one kid, I'll be at volleyball with another kid, but we'll text each other about what we're gonna do to each other later. He loves how I look in yoga pants, so I wear them a lot around the house. I'll catch him watching me bend over to pick up something, and I'll look him in the eye and smile. It's like we build up sexual tension throughout the day with little touches or comments. We role play sometimes and watch porn together. We've been together since 1991. WOW! congrats!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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