People who have loved more than once, was it ever as intense as your first love?

[stupidkittten]

The title is pretty self explanatory

[Emilia]

Yes. I think I have been in love probably about 4 times in my life so far. Each time I felt that I didn't want anyone else. I didn't compare him to previous loves because you sort of forget how intensely you felt about someone. It also sometimes makes me doubt my love for the others. You make room for new feelings, basically.

[stupidkittten]

Yes. I think I have been in love probably about 4 times in my life so far. Each time I felt that I didn't want anyone else. I didn't compare him to previous loves because you sort of forget how intensely you felt about someone. It also sometimes makes me doubt my love for the others. You make room for new feelings, basically.

 

That's a good way of explaining it.

[Toodaloo]

Yes and yes.

 

I don't believe in "one true love" I believe that there are many who are compatible.

 

Stands to reason or there would be no such thing as love after death or divorce...

 

I didn't think I would "love" again but time and a very special person showed me it is possible.

 

I have loved twice so I can do it again.

[kjohn]

Yes. My second love is as intense as my first was, but there are different things to love about different people so you love these people for different reasons and in different ways.

 

My BF is the polar opposite of my ex-husband in just about every way.

 

I loved a lot of things about my ex, but that relationship ended badly so when I was ready to move on I looked for somebody who didn't do the things my ex did and did the things my ex didn't do.

 

I think it can really be about what you need at that point in your life and who fills those needs. People change. You will love the person who fills your current needs best. Of course, ideally two people will grow and evolve together and continually love each other through it, but that doesn't always happen and when it doesn't it is possible to love again, just as strongly as you loved before.

[casey.lives]

every love is different and every love is amazing but it's biological purpose is to make a family of your own and sustain it. stay centered on the real purpose of love and it should be easier explore it.

[Snaggletooth]

It can be more intense. Me and my girlfriend are in our 40's and met last year. It's been so intense were both thought we were losing our minds. Neither have experienced anything like it before. Life is full of surprises.

[TheGagagirl1234]

Yes! I've been in love twice, but it didn't work out so now love is my worst fear. I fear that it just will go wrong again and I end up being hurt. Love is a fantastic but also an awful feeling when it goes wrong.

[Gloria25]

NI recently heard something like this on a radio station recently (no not my fav podcaster) and they pretty much said that seems like people put a lot of emphasis on the "first" person they dated, so-called "looooved", etc cuz it usually occurred in a time of transformation/development (ie childhood, teens, tweens, young adult)...and, with maturity if you ran across that person you elevated/put on a pedestal back then, you'd probably not even give them 10 min of your time now.

 

And that's me...cuz while I can't say I've ever been "in loooove", I can say I've been with guys I felt a strong connection with who had (or thought had) what I wanted/needed - to the extent that I stayed in a bad situation, thought I'd never find anyone like them, and/or compared everyone else to them. But, now that I've matured, I realized that when you least expect it, while you may not run into exactly the same thing they had, but it is "unique" in its own way where either you get what you want/need.

 

Lemme use my 6 yr guy...The sex was grrrrrreat!!! Our "arrangement" was perfect cuz we did our own thing and went back to our own lives. Us being a hybrid of black/hispanic/caucasian was perfect cuz we understood the same language, knew where each other was coming from.

 

Now, bad stuff? He liked to have more than one woman. The drugs and smoking (sometimes he would wanna kiss me w/o brushing and/or roll up the windows on his car and smoke!!!). He also lacked social graces and sometimes got a bad haircut. I also was more ambitious than him. But eh, some of me rubbed off on him. He started his own little transportation biz, and not sure if he still does drugs, but is alive.

 

Not long ago I had a chance to go meet him and I was like "nah"...cuz I've matured past him and no matter how horny I am/was, not gonna give him 10 min of the time out of my life/day.

 

I've met guys over the years that we also had great sex and times - while not the same as my 6 yr guy, it was still "great" in its own way. As intense? Eh, I say "intense" in its own way.

 

In sum, just cuz your "first" is literally your "first" doesn't mean you'll never find experiences that rock the same and/or better and it's a waste of time to limit yourself in some endless search to find "exactly" the same thing you had with that "first"...especially when that "first" was probably someone you wouldn't give the time of day to if you now ran across them walking down the street.

[Syberia]

It was better. My first gf was just lust, and felt empty very quickly. My second became my wife.

[CarrieT]

Absolutely.

 

My most "intense" love happened to me around my fourth (or fifth?) long term relationship.

 

It was the one that compelled me to leave an 11-year relationship (that was going no where anyway), but the ending of which brought me to this site because it ended up to toxic.

 

I subsequently met and married - after having been divorced for 25 years - but that one which barely lasted 2 1/2 years was far more intense than the guy I ended up marrying.

[autumnnight]

My first love was intense, and we wanted to marry. But looking back, though it was real, there was a lot of immaturity in it too. My second love I DID marry, and that love, while real, was fraught with a growing hurt from almost the first year. I think it was my commitment to try with everything in me to keep loving that made it last so long. Had it been a dating only relationship it would not have lasted 2 decades.

 

My most recent love encompassed (I thought) all of those things I had always wanted love to be. I loved 150% and held nothing back, and I worked to give my whole self. I thought he did too. Maybe he did. Though now that it is over due to his choice to betray, I question much of it.

 

I hope I love again. Right now I just feel sad at the thought.

[RedRobin]

Yes. I have loved maybe three men in my life. All completely different men and different feelings and dynamic. I can't compare them as being better or worse. Some more healthy maybe... But were a valuable learning experience that inspired me to go, or do, or try things I might not have if I weren't in love. Can't say there was any long lasting negative outcomes from any of them, so maybe I am lucky. Well, maybe not the one who died, but that wasn't his fault.

[compulsivedancer]

I'm not 100% sure how to identify my first love.

 

I don't think it was my STBXH, the first person I had sex with.

 

But was it the guy I was into half my life, who I never even kissed? That when he DID want me, I turned him down because a lot of what I loved about him was a fantasy?

 

Was it the guy I never really dated, but was on-again off-again with during college? That was intense and painful. I lusted after him, and I liked him, too, but did I really love him?

 

My OM was at least as intense as any of these guys, but I'm not sure I had reached the "love" stage with him yet, either. I wanted him like crazy, and I was definitely catching feelings, but love?

 

So, the answer is yes, it can be intense. But wtf is a "first love" anyhow?

[preraph]

For me, each was intense. But these were not "happy endings," for the most part. I think for me love was too intense to ever be happy for long.

[Bohonia]

I think "love" and "falling" in love changes over time. I have grown so much since my first love. The love I have now is leaps and bounds different. Maybe its something that happens with age, self discovery and acceptance of oneself and others...

[Giggle]

What I have now is so much deeper. My "first love" was a long-standing crush. My first relationship.. I still love him but not like this. This.. We are stronger connected, we talk about everything. Each love is just different.

[veggirl]

Yes, better than my first. My first was more drama, more immature. I loved him but part of it was being young and (subconsciously) loving the ups and downs. My relationship now is more stable, oh there is still chemistry and passion, but it's an adult love. It's sooo much better.

[carhill]

People who have loved more than once, was it ever as intense as your first love?

 

Apparently outlier, and perhaps due to it happening later than for most, at age 25 for the first time, nope, subsequent loves were not more intense nor long lasting, though they were valuable.

[Got it]

Yes. I have loved twice and this is a far more mature love than the first. But both were great.

 

I think it varies. I think we love different people differently so for some the answer is going to be a "yes" and for others a "no". It really just depends.

[Mrlonelyone]

My first adult love I call her S is very likely mother to my first and only child. It was four years on and off LDR and intense.

 

My second love M was very intense we spent 12 hours of every day, ate 2 of 3 meals per day, and all but lived.. together for 7 months. She was there for me when my father was gravely ill. We had a modern version of Othello in real life sans violence.

 

I'd say yes intense is possible again, but it won't happen every time.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yes. I think I have been in love probably about 4 times in my life so far. Each time I felt that I didn't want anyone else. I didn't compare him to previous loves because you sort of forget how intensely you felt about someone. It also sometimes makes me doubt my love for the others. You make room for new feelings, basically.

 

Perfectly articulated and bang on.

 

I also think that as you grow both in age and in experience your views on love grow, as well as your capacity to love.

 

Who I was at 19 and in love is different than being in love again at 45. That's not to take anything away from past loves but rather to acknowledge that love has the ability to expand and shift but is just as intense and wonderful as the very first time.

 

[Leigh 87]

I feel way more intensely with new guys I date than I ever did with most of my exes!

 

I didn't tend to go for men I shared passion or chemistry with. Besides my first long termer, who was an idiot so I lost the spark fast....

 

But wow. Now I go for men that I feel real passion and chemistry for. And it's definitely more intense than my exes.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think the change comes from within you, and more about what comes from within you that you are able to share, than it is about the other person.

 

You can share a lot of experiences and emotions with someone else, it doesn't ever have to end or stop.

 

Most people IMO are loving or getting those loving feelings out of a dysfunction and a deep desire to fill a need or void from the opposite sex that they believe can be filled with a "special person"...it doesn't mean you are desperate or clingy, some people lock that door and then they meet someone and they perceive them "challenging" that protective system that person has built around for themselves to function independently. Regardless of the level of "need", it is always a desire...and as humans we need a level of love in our lives to be happy.

 

But it's all dependent on you..if you are open-minded and open-hearted which is often admittedly naivety; which is how everyone starts out in love, then coincidentally you'll find yourself "falling in love" with people rather easily...close hearted and close minded you'll find yourself with an inability to make a real connection with someone else and feeling pretty isolated, but that's usually from fear or lack of trust.

 

But otherwise there is no-limit, and unfortunately if you're looking for something "special" it's going to likely have more to do with your perception and own emotions than the actual classification and fact of it being "special".

 

If you take a look around, there's just a lot of not so extraordinary people with really no remarkable talents or abilities to cut them away from the flock, and even still and then, extraordinary people still need love and it can function in just the same way as it does for the ordinary person. Meaning you don't have to be "special" to find something or someone "special" to you. You don't need to be extraordinary in any way.

 

Love for me always tends to surprise me, it always come from an area I am not expecting it to. But once I do love someone, it sticks with me, there's always that place inside of me with that experience and what we shared...it doesn't just go away for me or get washed over by the "new love", I don't have any regrets or slapped myself over the women I loved because they were all pretty damn good women, that's why I chose to love them further...I'm not one of those people who tries to forget or bury things deep in their mind so that they don't recall them and aren't affected by them. I'm pretty happy with the women that I've loved for the most part, they're all pretty much married with their own families, so everything appears to have worked out for them. (I never seen the movie, but the plot of the movie where the guy women date and then the next one or two guys they marry...I laughed at the plot because that's pretty much me)

 

But I'd say I get stronger, more passionate, more affectionate and loving as time goes on...I've always been a difficult guy to love so I've been told, I'd say I'm challenging, opinionated and I'm not predictable or operate within that level area of safety that sometimes women like men to function in so they can keep tabs on them or get used to their behavior...I'm pretty sporadic and unpredictable but I'm trying to settle myself down more.

 

So it wasn't so much that I hadn't found love, or keep loving more intensely because of that love changing from person to person...it's changing because I've gotten older, way more experienced and wiser, more used to those feelings and able to distinguish the lust form love or real bond from just the superficial, but I was never a superficial guy so that's not really saying much...I'm just saying it's easier to make that stronger and more "pure" emotionally unafflicted connection without the BS in the way or other misunderstandings within myself. I know myself well as well as women, I feel comfortable within myself, and I'm very open and confident because of that with my emotions. So I feel like the capacity to love for me has grown exponentially over the years.

 

There's also different kinds of loves or connections...but that's a whole different thread.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Ninjainpajamas

[Pinkdisney]

I was going to post a long-winded answer, but it's no.

 

I don't believe in soul mates, that there is only one person for everyone, etc., however my first real love will always be what most would consider the love of my life. Our time together was short, but it was at a critical time in my life and I will always have very happy memories of him.

 

My current BF is the perfect person for me at this point in my life and he is whom I want to grow old with, but it's a completely different relationship and stage of my life.