Danny Devito Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 We know women typically have a biological clock that drives them to have kids in their late 20s or early 30s. This biological clock thing is very real and is the reason I purposely make it a point not to date women around my age group. I am 34 years old and I don't want kids. That's one of the reasons I like older women because the chances are higher that they have gotten the desire for kids out of their system. I don't want to get into a relationship with a woman my age and then as time goes on the desire for kids grows in importance for her and then we have to break up. I learned that lesson from my last relationship that lasted 3 years. Even under the best of circumstances we would have broken up for that reason alone. There's no way around it. If your girlfriend ever decides she wants kids and you don't then it is over. The relationship might be perfect in other areas but that's a moot point when it comes to having differences in wanting kids. It would not be right for her to even think about giving up her dream to have kids just because we have an otherwise perfect relationship. It wouldn't be right for me to give up my dream to NOT have kids just to keep her. But now I am wondering if men have a biological clock too but it just comes later in life like in their 40s and 50s. It seems like men have all the time in the world to have kids and can always postpone it much longer than women. If men do have a biological clock then would you recommend that a man go ahead and get a vasectomy but preserve some sperm just in case he changes his mind down the road? The decision to have kids should not be taken lightly but the decision to get vasectomy should not be taken lightly either because every doctor will tell you that it is permanent. There is no going back. No matter how anyone feels about having children now they can't really predict how they will feel 10 or 20 years from now. People change with time and their dreams change and priorities change. I think it is important to find a way to leave options open if you can. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I think there may be something to this. I wonder that is why men who have not had kids yet or men who are dissatisfied with the type of parent they were the first time around choose much younger women? So they can have kids? I know for me, I have learned that if a man my age muses even in passing about how he wished had had kids/more kids, I know he is not serious dating material for me. Why open my heart to someone who is eventually going to trade me in for a newer, childbearing model? The above is not said out of malice, btw. I wish I could have had more kids too. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 If men do have a biological clock then would you recommend that a man go ahead and get a vasectomy but preserve some sperm just in case he changes his mind down the road? That sounds a bit extreme. This "biological clock" is nothing but an urge or need to procreate. There isn't anything forcing you to have children. You may be potentially coerced by family, friends, and society, but men and women do have a choice to want it or not. If you don't want it now, but feel you may change your mind years later, then freezing your sperm now is a viable option. Women do the same with their eggs. Another option is adoption in case you don't want to spend the money on freezing your seed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Danny Devito Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 That sounds a bit extreme. This "biological clock" is nothing but an urge or need to procreate. There isn't anything forcing you to have children. You may be potentially coerced by family, friends, and society, but men and women do have a choice to want it or not. If you don't want it now, but feel you may change your mind years later, then freezing your sperm now is a viable option. Women do the same with their eggs. Another option is adoption in case you don't want to spend the money on freezing your seed. Adoption is an option only if one is okay with the fact they are not having their own children but raising someone else's kids. If one wakes up one day with a desire for children they may not be satisfied with adoption. They might long to go through the process of having their own and doing all the baby stuff from the first day the baby is born. Everybody knows adoption is an option but it is settling for 2nd best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Danny Devito Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 It is all about priorities and sometimes those change. At my age my priority is to have as much freedom as possible from being responsible for other people. Since that is a highest priority I know it is going to cost me some relationships with women. My dating pool is that much more limited and I have come to terms with that. If one is going to have kids then they don't have the luxury of being selfish. They are expected to fight against selfish inclinations for the sake of the kids. The kids come first. But one day I may get this freedom out of my system and yes a chance my priorities will change where I want to take care of someone else. I could go get an operation now and freeze some of the sperm. This way I can have sex as much as I like. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 It's called mid life crisis for men. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 It's called mid life crisis for men. Oh so true! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) Yep, I've witnessed it. Lots of men in their late 30's and above all of a sudden wanting to have a family... or at least claiming they do so that younger women will agree to be in a relationship with them, lol. IMHO, men who look for much younger women to have a family with after spending THEIR most reproductively viable and healthy years are to be avoided just as much as women who look to men solely as walking wallets to support their desire to be a SAHM. Lots of research these days to show that older fathers (40+) contribute to passing unhealthy genes and genetic mutations. IMHO, anyone past the age of 40 or so (male or female) who wants to have kids should adopt. Lots of kids need good homes. Edited March 26, 2015 by RedRobin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) It's funny I ran across this post now. I just returned from having lunch at home where I happened to be watching a daytime chat show where they were discussing this very thing. Apparently, there IS some study or stat done where it revealed that men indeed have a biological clock and it usually doesn't kick in until they around 36 years of age. It's at this particular point where they suddenly start taking serious stock of their lives and relationships and their future and often begin the process of finding a suitable mate to procreate with. Again, this doesn't apply to ALL men but a big enough percentage that it was worth dedicating an entire show about Edited March 26, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Lots of research these days to show that older fathers (40+) contribute to passing unhealthy genes and genetic mutations. IMHO, anyone past the age of 40 or so (male or female) who wants to have kids should adopt. Lots of kids need good homes. I so agree with this. Sooooo many children needing good homes. I have never understood how so many people can be so selfish that must "sow their own seed," when so many are in need and so much of the planet is overpopulated. And yes, mens sperm does degrade, many assume they are good to go indefinitely but that isn't true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I so agree with this. Sooooo many children needing good homes. I have never understood how so many people can be so selfish that must "sow their own seed," when so many are in need and so much of the planet is overpopulated. And yes, mens sperm does degrade, many assume they are good to go indefinitely but that isn't true. I am extremely pro adoption, but this blanket statement about having children by birth being selfish is both laughable and offensive. I never try impose parenthood on people who do not want kids. I've never understood childless by choice people's need to denigrate having children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Lots of research these days to show that older fathers (40+) contribute to passing unhealthy genes and genetic mutations. Most such mutations are harmless, but Stefánsson’s team identified some that studies have linked to conditions such as autism and schizophrenia. The study does not prove that older fathers are more likely than younger ones to pass on disease-associated or other deleterious genes, but that is the strong implication, Stefánsson and other geneticists say... http://www.nature.com/news/fathers-bequeath-more-mutations-as-they-age-1.11247 And us older guys could produce superior children! Historical evidence suggests that older fathers are unlikely to augur a genetic meltdown. Throughout the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, Icelandic men fathered children at much higher ages than they do today, averaging between 34 and 38. Moreover, genetic mutations are the basis for natural selection, Stefánsson points out. “You could argue what is bad for the next generation is good for the future of our species,” he says. Fathers bequeath more mutations as they age : Nature News & Comment Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) Men are always attracted to young, beautiful women. The degree of rationalization over this subject is ridiculous. We only forego that desire because we make a commitment and don't want to betray the person we love. But if the love dies in a marriage, we default to our natural state. Not to say that is all that we want. But if a man is single, why would he pass up on young and hot if he can get it? If women want to understand men, ask a man. You all head off into never-never land if left unchecked. Edited March 26, 2015 by Robert Z Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Honestly, what makes men think that women are only attracted to gray haired, out of shape, half impotent men? News Flash: Young men are as attractive to look at and date as younger women. So it isn't that men are the only ones attracted to youth, women are to. It's just that we are more realistic. The majority of young people want to date other young people as it should be. There aren't tons of youngsters lining up to date their elders just because men want it that way. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Honestly, what makes men think that women are only attracted to gray haired, out of shape, half impotent men? . Trailer trash insults aside, who says men think that? I work my ass off so that I can date younger women. And I only have a touch of gray. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Trailer trash insults aside, who says men think that? I work my ass off so that I can date younger women. And I only have a touch of gray. If you have to pay for it, it doesn't count, I could do that too... but I don't have to... I mean, pay for it, lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Fathers bequeath more mutations as they age : Nature News & Comment And us older guys could produce superior children! Fathers bequeath more mutations as they age : Nature News & Comment ... About producing superior children... Not likely... but as long as the guys are willing to pay for the fallout, and not blame the woman for their faulty genetic input, then I guess there is no harm... Oh WAIT! Yea, we forgot about the lives of the children they are producing... Yea, it's more important for the guys to get their freak on with younger women (using parenting as the hook) rather than care about the kids they might produce. Nice!! ... That's some interesting spin too... Funny how the countries that have the biggest age gaps between mother and father are the most backwards. Sure, in a pinch when all the most fertile, healthy men get killed off by war or something similar, I imagine IT IS BETTER THAN NOTHING, that the older guys can still make babies.... but no one should promote it. I know that in Hawaii back in the day, they threw disfigured and mutated newly born babies in the ocean rather than offer scarce resources. Sounds harsh, I know... but they had to make tough choices about where their food went. I'm sure those Icelandic folks had their ways of weeding out the weak too... the harsh climate took care of that. Let's not attribute a blip in reproducing with anything positive. Especially when people these days have other choices... For me at least, I don't look kindly on people going to extreme measures to have their own children (ie fertility treatments) or those over a certain age having them either. I'm just fine leaving the reproducing to healthy young men and women. Edited March 27, 2015 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Men are always attracted to young, beautiful women. The degree of rationalization over this subject is ridiculous. We only forego that desire because we make a commitment and don't want to betray the person we love. But if the love dies in a marriage, we default to our natural state. Not to say that is all that we want. But if a man is single, why would he pass up on young and hot if he can get it? If women want to understand men, ask a man. You all head off into never-never land if left unchecked. Not all men agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Trailer trash insults aside, who says men think that? I work my ass off so that I can date younger women. And I only have a touch of gray. I am not sure what you mean by "Trailer trash" or even what they have to do with this. Good that you work your ass off to date younger women but you are still their senior and they look at you as such. You still don't compare to a young man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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