How do differences in drinking habits effect relationships?

[Nikki Sahagin]

I was just thinking about this earlier...

 

All of my boyfriends have been bigger drinkers than me. My first boyfriend was massively into the clubbing and drinking scene (every weekend), the second liked a drink, the third didn't drink much but when he did GONE and my current boyfriend is prone to his binge drinking episodes.

 

I only like a drink very occasionally and 3 is about my max. I just don't really enjoy being drunk. I like to feel clear headed, in control and drink just enough to feel chatty and fun.

 

I've noticed that sometimes the differences between mine and my partners drinking habits sometimes annoy me.

 

* When a man is V drunk...ain't no sex or at least good sex happening

* No communicating/connection with a drunk person

* Long hangovers the next day that spoil the weekend

 

Do your partners drinking habits get on your nerves? Do you match in what you drink or are you different?

[d0nnivain]

Dis-similar habits cause problems for all the reasons you mentioned. You aren't going to change him. So you either accept it or you get out before you are in too deep

[MissBee]

I've never dated anyone who I'd consider a massive drinker or binge drinker or who didn't drink but when they did went overboard.

 

Seems like you've happened to pick men who seem pretty irresponsible about alcohol consumption so of course if they are binge drinking and are drunk weekly and you are not it will cause problems.

 

This hasn't been an issue for me. Except one time years ago I had a boyfriend drink too much because the drink he was drinking sneaks up on you so he kept drinking because he wasn't buzzed, then went from 0-50 and was throwing up, stumbling and the rest, other than that once, the guys I have been with drank in normal social amounts like I did and it posed no problems.

[Arieswoman]

IMO if people drink in moderation it isn't a problem.

 

It all depends on what your particular habits are.

 

My husband will not have a drink before 9.00pm ever (yes, that's true) so if I host a BBQ for friends on a Saturday lunchtime he would not have a drink.

I won't have a drink before 12.00noon so that would suit me fine, but I would not drink after 8.00.pm as I find it interferes with my sleep.

 

So after the BBQ when friends have gone he will go down to his snooker(pool) club and pot a few balls and have a drink with his pals until 11.30pm

 

Our drinking habits are way out of sync but we work around that. I was aware of this before I married him and we struck a compromise

[carhill]

Do your partners drinking habits get on your nerves?

Can't recall that occurring with any of my relationship partners or spouse. However, I tended to gravitate towards personalities which didn't exhibit marked addictive behaviors for partners. I did, however, love a few alcoholics and dated some women with markedly different drinking habits. I won't say I dumped them because I think they found me kinda boring and dumped me.

Do you match in what you drink or are you different?

My exW and I matched pretty well. Enjoyed wine tasting, matching drinks with meals, social drinking, having a few beers now and again with the guys/gals, etc. Neither of us were really into the drinking 'scene', though some of our friends were. Our temperaments were pretty similar when drinking, trending towards humor or just being laid-back. I remember, early on, her friends 'getting' me drunk during one of our river trips to see what kind of drunk I was and it was a sit down and just enjoy the scenery type of drunk, which I guess 'passed'.

 

I found the alcoholics to be too unpredictable and disjointed to establish anything more than casual friendships with. Intimacy was too difficult, for me anyway.

[preraph]

You do need to be on the same page as far as substance use/abuse. I disagree that a person can't change though, but when they're young, I doubt they're going to want to. I used to be all kinds of trouble and a champagne lush for many many years, but I was never an addict or alcoholic, and once I got out of a career that lent itself to a lot of nights out, without even noticing, alcohol dropped out of my life almost entirely. It's hard for my old friends to even imagine, whether they are still drinking or in AA. I'm neither. So I'm the freak who just changed in my sleep.

 

Alcohol abuse starts looking pretty bad on people as they reach about 40. Anyone who's doing anything, beer, pot or drugs, every day after they're 30 probably has a serious problem that will only get worse and degenerate them.

 

You really do need to keep your friends and romantic interests within your own sphere of use. I want a person who knows what they're doing and knows their limit and doesn't mind remembering what they did while f'd up, no matter how hammered they get.