nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I dated a guy for 4 years, it was a LDR, we were young and we couldn't find ways to move closer, so the relatioship didn't last, I couldn't take it anymore and I broke up with him. This happened 5 years ago. He got sad for a long time and got over it. We stayed in touch and were good friends for a while, then all of a sudden he deleted me from FB and disappeared from every instant messenger we used to talk. I added him again on FB and called him. I asked what happened, why did he stopped contacting me and he said he was just going through a rough phase and thought it was best to not contact me, but we did get in touch again after this call, he decided he was being stupid. Then again, after a while, he deleted me again from FB and this time he blocked me (we have mutual friends together and I asked one of them, he's still on FB and with the same profile), apparently he also blocked me on skype and is not answering any email and I can't call him because looks like he changed his phone number. I found out he's been dating a girl for a while now, and I think this is the reason he doesn't talk to me anymore. We were so good friends, I loved spending time talking to him and he was one of the nicest person I've ever met. I want him again in my life, not as a lover but just as a friend. I'm not asking for too much, just for his friendship. Do you think it's possible for us to be in contact again, even if he's dating someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 You're not asking for too much, you are asking for the moon. You broke up with him, he suffered, moved on and you're surprised why he's not contacting you? You're an ex, you should stay away, he's doing everything right. Leave the guy alone and forget you ever met him. Live your life and let him live his life. Your tale with him is over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 No, absolutely not. He has moved on, found someone else, and seems very happy. I'm sorry, but you have no right to go 'muscling in' no matter what your motive. It's extremely disrespectful both of him, and his GF. You really need to leave well alone, move on, and consign him to the 'happy memories' pile. But do NOT contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 You're not asking for too much, you are asking for the moon. You broke up with him, he suffered, moved on and you're surprised why he's not contacting you? You're an ex, you should stay away, he's doing everything right. Leave the guy alone and forget you ever met him. Live your life and let him live his life. Your tale with him is over. I don't see a reason why can't we just stay friends. His current girlfriend must be jealous, I get that...but no contact at all? It kinda makes me sad... Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I don't see a reason why can't we just stay friends. His current girlfriend must be jealous, I get that...but no contact at all? It kinda makes me sad... Maybe he just no longer views you that way. Why does it have to mean his girlfriend is jealous of you? He may have picked up more than friendship vibes from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Take a hint. He's blocking you for a reason. It's a strong indication that he doesn't want a friendship or has far long moved on from that young love that you had with him. Or that he is respecting his relationship with his girlfriend. Just because you JUST want friendship, which I am doubting, it doesn't mean he has to want it too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 He tried to cut you out of his life once and you managed to reach him, and now he did it again and in a more successful way, since you came here for advice. He clearely doesn't want anything to do with you, love, friendship, anything. Let him be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I dated a guy for 4 years, it was a LDR, we were young and we couldn't find ways to move closer, so the relatioship didn't last, I couldn't take it anymore and I broke up with him. This happened 5 years ago. He got sad for a long time and got over it. We stayed in touch and were good friends for a while, then all of a sudden he deleted me from FB and disappeared from every instant messenger we used to talk. I added him again on FB and called him. I asked what happened, why did he stopped contacting me and he said he was just going through a rough phase and thought it was best to not contact me, but we did get in touch again after this call, he decided he was being stupid. Then again, after a while, he deleted me again from FB and this time he blocked me (we have mutual friends together and I asked one of them, he's still on FB and with the same profile), apparently he also blocked me on skype and is not answering any email and I can't call him because looks like he changed his phone number. I found out he's been dating a girl for a while now, and I think this is the reason he doesn't talk to me anymore. We were so good friends, I loved spending time talking to him and he was one of the nicest person I've ever met. I want him again in my life, not as a lover but just as a friend. I'm not asking for too much, just for his friendship. Do you think it's possible for us to be in contact again, even if he's dating someone else? It's obvious he's moved on and doesn't want to be friends or casual buddies with you. You need to let go and forget him. He's blocked you on all social media so stop reaching out and don't call him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I don't see a reason why can't we just stay friends. His current girlfriend must be jealous, I get that...but no contact at all? It kinda makes me sad... Or maybe he just honestly feels it's unfair to his gf to have an ex in the picture. He is being respectful towards her. I mean if you were still with him, would you totally be OK with him spending time and talking to one of his ex's? Time to close your heart off from him and focus on your other friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Take a hint. He's blocking you for a reason. It's a strong indication that he doesn't want a friendship or has far long moved on from that young love that you had with him. Or that he is respecting his relationship with his girlfriend. Just because you JUST want friendship, which I am doubting, it doesn't mean he has to want it too. I am also in a relationship, and I DO want JUST friendship with him. It just sucks, we were so good friends and helped out each other tons of times...I don't want to cut him from my life like this. I know I have to respect his wishes, but is there any way I can at least stay in touch with him, like once a year? Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I don't see a reason why can't we just stay friends. Do you have any indication he wants to be friends with you? Does not sound like it. The reason does not matter, but he's probably trying to focus his energy on his GF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I am also in a relationship, and I DO want JUST friendship with him. It just sucks, we were so good friends and helped out each other tons of times...I don't want to cut him from my life like this. I know I have to respect his wishes, but is there any way I can at least stay in touch with him, like once a year? Why would you still want this with someone who took out time to block you? Change their number? He isn't just ignoring you, he doesn't want you to be able to contact him at all. To me, that speaks volumes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I am also in a relationship, and I DO want JUST friendship with him. It just sucks, we were so good friends and helped out each other tons of times...I don't want to cut him from my life like this. I know I have to respect his wishes, but is there any way I can at least stay in touch with him, like once a year? When someone blocks you, they are telling you they do not want to stay in touch. Stop projecting what your friendship meant to you on him. He doesn't feel the same way. And after all these years, people evolve and their feelings change -- likely he's outgrown and detached from what was. Yes, respect his wishes...there is no "but". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I am also in a relationship, and I DO want JUST friendship with him. Well, unfortunately this is all pretty one-sided, isn't it, obviously...? It just sucks, we were so good friends and helped out each other tons of times...I don't want to cut him from my life like this. You haven't cut him form your life. HE has cut YOU from HIS. Big difference, which sadly, doesn't seem to be making an impression on you. You're not getting it.... I know I have to respect his wishes, but is there any way I can at least stay in touch with him, like once a year? In this one sentence, you blatantly contradict yourself. I have to respect his wishes/Can I at least stay in touch with him...? It seems that you know nothing of the kind, so permit me to clarify: Yes, you're right - you DO have to respect his wishes, because that's what he wants. If he wanted anything else, he would open doors for you, but he hasn't, so he clearly doesn't. No, you cannot under ANY circumstances have it your way regardless, and do what you want, ie, 'stay in touch with him'. Not even 'once a year'. Walk away, accept this as final, and drop the matter. Really, it's all been said, and all that needs saying. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) I am also in a relationship, and I DO want JUST friendship with him. It just sucks, we were so good friends and helped out each other tons of times...I don't want to cut him from my life like this. I know I have to respect his wishes, but is there any way I can at least stay in touch with him, like once a year? You haven't cut him out of your life...He's cut you out of his. Nina, you need to stop and let go of this friendship. I'm sorry you're hurting. If you continue to push this, contact him he will turn around and get nasty. it's not right to chase after someone who's gone through so much trouble (blocking you) to avoid you. It's selfish and disrespectful. People have every right to let go and move on. He just doesn't want your friendship anymore. You have to accept this. Does your boyfriend know how you feel about this? That you're chasing your ex, trying so hard to keep the friendship going? Does he know that your ex has blocked you and wants nothing to do with you? If so, what does your boyfriend say about it? If he doesn't know, then why have you not told him? Edited March 5, 2015 by whichwayisup 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 You haven't cut him out of your life...He's cut you out of his. Nina, you need to stop and let go of this friendship. I'm sorry you're hurting. If you continue to push this, contact him he will turn around and get nasty. it's not right to chase after someone who's gone through so much trouble (blocking you) to avoid you. It's selfish and disrespectful. People have every right to let go and move on. He just doesn't want your friendship anymore. You have to accept this. Does your boyfriend know how you feel about this? That you're chasing your ex, trying so hard to keep the friendship going? Does he know that your ex has blocked you and wants nothing to do with you? If so, what does your boyfriend say about it? If he doesn't know, then why have you not told him? :( Ok, ok, I'll just give up on him then. My boyfriend knows I'm trying to contact him, he also thinks I should leave him alone, but he trusts me and I wouldn't want anything more than friendship with my ex, we were just friends and I wish we could stay this way, but he decided to cut me of his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 :( Ok, ok, I'll just give up on him then. My boyfriend knows I'm trying to contact him, he also thinks I should leave him alone, but he trusts me and I wouldn't want anything more than friendship with my ex, we were just friends and I wish we could stay this way, but he decided to cut me of his life. Not all friendships are meant to last, especially with ex's. Ask yourself truly and deeply why hanging onto him is so important and why this has affected you so much? Is it possible that you still have some lingering feelings for him? If a woman friend decided that she didn't want to be friends anymore, would you pursue and chase that friendship, or would you accept that she chose to walk away (for whatever reason)? Even your bf thinks you need to let it go... Link to post Share on other sites
stellamaria Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Hmm. You know him better than we do. Is he likely to be hurting still? Or does he move on and forget his exes existed? I have blocked my ex-AP. That's because I am hurting and we are NC. My ex-H has blocked me. It was quite recent, and I have no idea why, I'd certainly never want to be friends with him, or any form of contact, but I am friends with his siblings and mum (my ex-MIL), so perhaps he got tired of seeing my name. I know he has me blocked because his name shows up in one of his sister's photos and status' etc, but he is not listed. We have been split up for many years now and have had no communication except for actually arranging our divorce a few years ago, so it is a mystery. I won't be asking him why tho. A very old ex of mine also has me blocked. I sent him a friend request in 2007 or so, thinking we had last had contact in maybe 2001, enough time had passed where we could be friends. Alas, no. I am still blocked. I've made no further attempts to forge a friendship with him, but am the type of person that would go for friendship with exes, in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Respect his decision. Live your life in the present and make it the best it can be. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I don't see a reason why can't we just stay friends. His current girlfriend must be jealous, I get that...but no contact at all? It kinda makes me sad... No she's not. He was already done with you when he started dating her. He probably feels his relationship with you was toxic and not healthy so that's why he doesn't want to be bothered with you anymore. He is right to cut you off. Most people are not "friends" with exes. Stop being selfish and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Not all friendships are meant to last, especially with ex's. Ask yourself truly and deeply why hanging onto him is so important and why this has affected you so much? Is it possible that you still have some lingering feelings for him? No, not anything besides friendship. I did the breakup and I really don't love him in that way anymore. After we broke up we stayed friends, and really good ones. He helped me go through my grandmother's death and my parents divorce after that, and we never even kissed or hugged in any other way than two friends would. If a woman friend decided that she didn't want to be friends anymore, would you pursue and chase that friendship, or would you accept that she chose to walk away (for whatever reason)? Even your bf thinks you need to let it go... Of course I would pursue and chase a friendship that was so important for me, no matter if it was a woman or a man... But I'll let him go, I don't think I have another option anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Hmm. You know him better than we do. Is he likely to be hurting still? Or does he move on and forget his exes existed? I don't think he's hurting at all...out mutual friend actually told me he's engaged and will be marrying his fiancé next year or in 2017. I've seen photos of them, and they look like the perfect couple, I wouldn't want to ruin it, but I wish we could stay friends. I have to forget that he ever existed then.. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I don't think he's hurting at all...out mutual friend actually told me he's engaged and will be marrying his fiancé next year or in 2017. I've seen photos of them, and they look like the perfect couple, I wouldn't want to ruin it, but I wish we could stay friends. I have to forget that he ever existed then.. It's so obvious you still have feelings for this guy. Why are you so obsessed with wanting to stay in contact with him if you're in a relationship already? And he's engaged, you need to leave him alone. This is why I wouldn't want to be with a woman that still has contact with their ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 It's so obvious you still have feelings for this guy. Why are you so obsessed with wanting to stay in contact with him if you're in a relationship already? Because I loved being his friend! Just THAT! I don't have feelings for him, ffs! We were really good friends and I wish we could stay friends forever, it is JUST that! And he's engaged, you need to leave him alone. This is why I wouldn't want to be with a woman that still has contact with their ex. I will leave him alone, I get it. I just think it's unfair and sad to break a friendship just because our LDR didn't last. Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) By his actions, he has told you, explicitly, to leave him alone. Repeatedly, it seems. What more can he do? Scream in your face? The reason why does not matter. HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. Go off, drink a bottle of wine, cry, and get over it. You are acting like a 15 y.o. girl. Be an adult and leave him alone. If you don't watch it, he'll get the cops involved. Edited March 5, 2015 by 1040 Link to post Share on other sites
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