tc55548 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) I'm new to dating and need some advice on the best way to approach this. Date 1: A few weeks a ago I started talking to this girl I met on an online dating site. I ended up asking her out for coffee. A few days later we meet for coffee and get to know each other. To me everything seemed to go really well. She is smart, driven, and I thought we shared some chemistry in terms of our personality and shared interests. We talked for about an hour and change and then parted ways. I did not set up a second date at the end of the first date and we did not kiss but hugged. About an hour after I got home I get a text from her saying she had a good time and thanked me for the coffee. I then asked her if she would like to do something with me next weekend and she agreed. I told her I'd call her in the week to work out the logistics of the date. I call her around mid week and setup a lunch date for the following weekend. Date 2: We meet for lunch yesterday in the afternoon. The restaurant is kinda busy so we talk for a little while we wait. I hug her when we greet and everything seems cool. When we sit down we start talking about all kinds of different things such as work, school, social life, etc. I was able to keep the conversation flowing nicely I thought and she was warm, receptive, and she was smiling as well. After lunch, we go walk around the mall for about a half hour because she had plans later that afternoon. We casually walk through different stores talking and just getting to know each other. When we get back to our cars, I hug her goodbye and tell her I had a good time. She thanks me for lunch and says "I'll talk to you later". I did not get any texts from her later that day but I saw something funny that I took a video of and sent it to her as a text message. She responded and laughed and made a few comments but that's the last time we talked since the 2nd date. Going Forward: With all that, I'm trying to figure out the best thing to do. General advice seems to suggest the following things. 1. Call dont text when setting up dates 2. Wait some time after date 2 before setting up date 3. I like this girl and I want to see her again and I'm fairly confident she likes me. She might be seeing other guys for all I know but I don't care. I believe that the call / text situation depends on the girl. I think in my shoes, I'd be comfortable seeing if she is interested in doing something in the future through text message, if she says yes, I'd call her to arrange something. My reason for this is the text invitation gives her a moment to think without putting her on the spot to make a decision if I just call her. Or, I could just text her and say, "When's a good time to call?" and just ask her to date 3 on the spot over the phone. Date 3 would be where I'm more forward and show more physical affection to her and look for any opportunity to throw in a kiss. As far as waiting some time to ask for the next date, I personally would rather ask sooner then later so I don't let the buildup bother me. I know I should be dating other people so to not put all my eggs in one basked but I have a busy life and I really don't like dating honestly. I need advice so I can put my nerves at ease, anything helps. Edited January 25, 2015 by tc55548 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 You can ask her via text when is a good time to call and chat over the phone. Or you can just call her, and if she doesn't pick up, leave her a voicemail that you are asking her out for another date. There is no rule as to which approach you should take, because both leads to you talking to her over the phone and asking her out for a third date. But always make sure you get her on the phone, and you both hear each other's voice. As for setting up date 3, do the same as you did for date 2. Wait a couple of days, reach out to her, and secure a date. Date 3 would be where I'm more forward and show more physical affection to her and look for any opportunity to throw in a kiss. You have a good plan, but it sounds robotic. On date 2 you should have been a little physical such as lite touching of hands. If she responded by touching you on the arm, then you push the envelop a little further by placing your hands on her hips. Date 3 would be continuing this, easing you into an opportunity to kiss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tc55548 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) Thank you Frank for your advice. Yeah I agree, date 2 should've been more physical but the opportunities just weren't there for me. I just didn't see any way to be physical without being overtly obvious and creepy. I think charm game is something I need to work on and this is a great opportunity. I'll try not to be robotic as much as I am strategic. If I get a 3rd date, then I will pick the location such that it will present the opportunity for physical contact, such as a walk on the beach after dinner or some activity that clearly sets a more romantic vibe. My biggest fear is I just put myself in the friend zone. Edited January 25, 2015 by tc55548 Link to post Share on other sites
rdet123 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 This is funny because i'm literally in your shoes, but in the girls position. I just went on a second date last night and we didn't do much physical contact, but we are definitely keeping in touch as he sent me a text once he got home. I would say you definitely need to get a little physical on your 3rd date. And definitely DON'T wait to make the plan! I say ask her the 2 days after at most when you can see her again. It just shows her your interested, especially since you haven't been very physical yet. I know for me being in the girl position i'm wondering myself how interested this guy is because he hasn't made a move yet. You definitely need to go somewhere romantic...maybe a movie or some place where you can be close. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tc55548 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 (edited) Thanks rdet123, this is really helpful to hear from a girls perspective. I'll try to make plans sooner rather then later. The thing is, (I didn't actually post this.) Originally I made super nice dinner plans and ice skating after for date 2 because this would've been a more romantic vibe. However, my date forgot she had plans that night and in the afternoon so I needed to reschedule the time hence why we did lunch instead. Edited January 26, 2015 by tc55548 Link to post Share on other sites
Assada Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 OP, So far youre doing everything A-OK. Just go with your gut. Do as youve been doing before, and you'll be fine Link to post Share on other sites
Author tc55548 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 An update: I sent her a text this afternoon wishing her a good day and saying I had a good time on Saturday. I did see the she "read" it but have not gotten a response yet. Should I just call or wait it out a little? Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Did you ask her out on another date? You're not really giving her much to work with by wishing her a good day and telling her you had a good time Saturday? Ask her out again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tc55548 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 (edited) so I called her and asked for a third date and she agreed. But she is busy moving this weekend so we might not be able to do the date for a while. Should I offer to help her move or would that be too personal too quickly? Edited January 27, 2015 by tc55548 Link to post Share on other sites
rdet123 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I'd put the offer out there, but give her some distance. I would say contact her next only when you are making the plans. Since you put yourself out there a couple times contacting her back off just a little bit. See if she texts you first or tries to get in contact. if she does then she is interested Link to post Share on other sites
Author tc55548 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) Thanks I think that is good advice. I'll back off til Thursday and then throw out some date ideas which would probably be scheduled for the following Monday or the weekend after next. But during that contact I could throw out the offer to help her. The question now becomes, whats a good third date? My idea is this: I live in a place with state parks that are close to the beach. I was thinking a nice picnic around 4 -5 pm so the sun is starting to set followed by a walk on the beach. It gives me the opportunity to put in effort make prepare and make food. I could even buy her flowers and hide them in whatever I pack the food in. This setting also sets the scene for a more intimate vibe. What do you all think, any suggestions? I've already done coffee and a restaurant. I'm thinking at this stage, its time to get to know each other better and that will be my main goal. I'd rather make a move and get rejected at this stage (by move a kiss or something romantic) then not try and she lose interest. Edited January 27, 2015 by tc55548 Link to post Share on other sites
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