Abusive relationship need , input (very detailed thread)

[neesh]

I am currently pregnant and I lost my job, my apartment and now I am living with my aunt. That's one devastation. I also have a 5 yr old. I met my bf in March or April of this year and I WAS NOT PREGNANT. We started going steady in June I believe. He met my family. He seemed so nice to me and my son. The only things that threw me off were the fact that he had a little temper over tiny things and I heard two little peddy arguments he had with my 5 yr old. How childish. And then he said he wanted to move with me. In my mind I'm like woah, movin kind of fast. I became pregnant in July by him and I started seeing his true colors. I'm ashamed to say at first I was not excited about the pregnancy. I was trying to go back to school. I told him I wanted to get rid of the baby and he said that he would leave me if I did. No matter what, I would make my own decision in spite of his choice. In the first two months, I had a spot of blood and I went to the hospital and they told me I had a threatened abortion meaning my baby may not survive. Luckily they were wrong and mixed my high score hcg with my low scores. He was there for me every step of the way, however, that night I went in his phone and saw that he was sending nude photos and receiving and texting girls online. I reacted angrily. In my mind I am feeling like our baby may not survive and you wanna put your dick first???? I am still angry about that incident. He threw me on my couch and knocked my tv over and left my house. The next day I desperately kept calling him for answers and he disrespected me like it was my fault. I of course took him back that night like a dummy and IDK WHY. Things started to progress over time. He has done harmful things to me and I have shoved him and scratched his face and he believes I opened a door for him to hit me. We fight over stupid things constantly. Things I would never normally argue over like not changing HIS SON'S DIAPER.???! I remember that night he threatened to shove it in my face. He like me is not working, but I have made much effort WHILE PREGNANT to seek employment. He does nothing, I feel. He feels differently. He chokes me, throws me, hits my head into walls, and humiliates me. He gets annoyed if my son cries and calls me a bad mom because my son does not listen. At my apartment, he has broken my doors and put a hole in my wall. I am very sad that I lost my apartment. I feel hurt and angry and like giving up. My family knows some things, but whats the use of telling them how I feel if I keep going back and they do not wanna hear this depressing shhit, I am sick of crying. TONIGHT I bought us pizza and me him and my son watched the new ninja turtles. I felt a little relief because FINALLY we, three did something family like. I put my son to sleep and fell asleep with him. WHen I woke up I went into the living room with my boyfriend and saw that was watching a show that I like. He commented on something and I also made an INNOCENT comment and he rudely tells me to basically hush and he flees me with his hand. I get upset asking why I cant give my opinion as well on the show. He turns the tv off and tells me to go in the room. I say no and I try to get the remote and turn it back on not knowing that I am escalating the situation, but he doesn't let me. That's when I walk out and he turns back on the tv and he says something rude and calls me a bitch. I go and turn the tv off and his light off and I unplug his tv. He gets up and and starts choking me and pulling my hair and he shoves me on the floor. I am so angry I knock something off the chair and he comes at me again pulling my hair again and pulling my head to the side like he wants to break my neck. He shoves me on the floor again and I purposely knock his aluminum pans over that were be taken out for trash. He grabs them and starts beating my head with them. That's when I surrender and he grabs me by my neck and throws me towards his room. I continue crying and later he comes in his room to grab a towel. I angrily say turn the light off my son is sleep. He says back we wake him up so basically get over it. Im so sad and angry that while hes in the shower, i start banging on the door for him to open it. Im not sure why im doing it but i bang until he shoves the door open and it hits my stomach. I start yelling more saying he hit the baby. He comes out and we start fighting. He chokes me again and again. i try to grab for his balls and i just get attacked in the face because im already on the floor. He says he nevervwanted to be with me so i knocked over his trash can and he starts doing things like smashing my face into the floor and he even used his foot against my face. He threw a mouse on me and I hit him with a piece of wood and winded up being thrown on the floor and he hit me with the wood n return. I told him I was going to call the cops and he grabbed me by my neck and made me sit on the kitchen floor. Every time I say I will call the cops, he turns extra violent. Every time I tried to get up he would choke or slap me or back hand me. Finally he chokes me until i feel a muscle tear in my jaw and i comply and just sit there until he feels bad enough to let me go. My son saw him slap me and heard my screams. I don't understand why I deserve this. I am losing my identity. I no longer see my family. I isolate myself unless its with him or my son. I am a very outgoing person, but now I am not. I am almost seven months pregnant and I am so happy my baby is ok in spite of all the abuse? IDK if I am being abused because I also have attacked him even though I never hurt him and he dominates me. He tells me he has done nothing serious, but others think it's serious. He tells me I try to play victim. I am sad because I have been in two other abusive relationships. My son has witnessed this one and my last relationship. His father hit me when he was a baby and he was in my hands so IDK if a baby can remember that.

 

I wanna know if I'm being abused or if I am the victim because when I find things in his phone that have to do with other woman, I do shove him and and I have put my hands on him. Or do nothing and he tells me I was being sneaky for checking his phone and he provokes me so I shove him but I DON'T HURT HIM. He in return chokes the life out of me or slaps me or does other harmful things. I never have bruises but I always feel crucial pain in my neck from the severity of the choking. I think I started this. I feel in made him abusive. I did break up with him. He keeps saying sorry he will change. But I don't trust him. If he gets help should I go back. I do love him. He is handsome, nice body, I fell in love with him for more than that. He was charming, relatable, he paid for everything and wouldn't let me put a dime towards anything, he gave me money towards my rent, he didn't have much but its like he gave me his last. I didn't have a bed so he gave me his and he slept on the floor at his house. That's why I fell for him.

[dragon_fly_7]

So why don't you call the cops when he's not around? Choking someone is really attempted murder.

 

Just because you slap someone doesn't give the other person the rights to overdo with throwing you on the floor like a bag of chips and pulling your hair in anger. The other person has the right to either break up or call the cops, not beat you up. If you don't leave, you're the one that's going to end up dead and your baby will grow up in a foster home. Is that what you want??

Edited December 20, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[seany25]

I can't believe what I have just read!

 

Yes you are being seriously abused & you or/and your children will end up dead if you don't get out NOW!

 

Don't come back with "but he has never touched the kids" or don't even come back with ANYTHING AT ALL trying to defend him or sugar coat it.

 

I am not going to write a big long analysis of this. I just want you to get the f*** out of this right NOW

[elaine567]

Abusive people are nice to you at first so that you fall in "love" with them, then they show their true colours and because you love them and want to fix them them, then you will put up with all their emotional and physical abuse of you.

They are nasty, and then, they tend to show a bit of themselves that makes you think they will return to the lovely guy you first met, but all that does is make sure you never leave, so he can keep feeding off you by making you miserable.

 

He lulled you tonight into thinking things were good.

"TONIGHT I bought us pizza and me him and my son watched the new ninja turtles. I felt a little relief because FINALLY we, three did something family like. I put my son to sleep and fell asleep with him" - then he ends up making it all into a nightmare, that was not a coincidence, that was a planned event, he cannot cope with stuff being nice and peaceful.

 

He feels bad inside, so making you feel bad, makes himself feel better. It is toxic.

This one time good, the next time bad, puts you on edge as you cannot estimate how he is going to be, it makes you utterly controllable.

 

YOU cannot fix him, he is a violent thug and your little boy and your new baby will suffer. He may even kill them and you too.

This is no joke. Tell your parents/family ASAP and when safe, pack up and leave and never look back.

He is highly dangerous to you and your son.

DO NOT tell him you are leaving, he will fight to get you back and that is often when people get killed/seriously injured, just choose your moment, get some family back up and help, and go.

[seany25]

Some of my sisters have went through abusive relationships & yes, whilst pregnant.

 

My oldest sister got beat & choked while she carried her child. We never knew about any of this until years later.

 

Most recently, 2 years ago, my little sister was going with a guy who was literally famous locally for being a woman beater. We warned him at the beginning not to become abusive & he promised us he wouldn't. But a few days after my sister had the baby he was high on drugs & beat her up over the course of a a few days. He almost killed my nephew too. He is a piece of sh*t scumbag & the sooner he is dead the better for a LOT of people.

 

Everywhere he goes there is trouble. He is a drug dealing, drug addicted waster who nobody really likes & many, many people want to see dead. I don't understand how girls always hook up with him despite the fact that everyone knows he is a woman beating ba*tard.

 

Every single woman he has been with has ended up having her face rearranged & it makes me so fu*king mad even thinking about him.

 

These type of people are in amongst the lowest form of human being.

 

Get away from this man....please <3

[most_distant_galaxy]

It seems like you both enable each other, but he seems so, so horrid. He could have killed you a hundrend times. You fell in love with a facade, the real him is the person who chokes you and tries to break your neck. Leave! If you feel you cant do it for you then do it for your son. Dont let anybody put sh*t in this kid's heart. It's your most urgent responsibility in this life. And since you have a history of abusive relationships consider pausing dating until you find out why you make the same mistake over and over... Be strong, tell your family, stay with your family, have your baby and dont ever see that pri*k again. And dont let him near your children because he is dangerous. So you understand? Be strong and decisive, and you need to be all that right NOW. I hope everything goes well for you, keep us updated. And take a hug!

[Satu]

Get away from him right now, if you don't want you and your child to end up in the mortuary.

Edited December 20, 2014 by Satu

[Ebelskiver]

I CAN NOT understand how a mother could allow her children to be exposed to the crap you are allowing your son to see. He is 5, he is learning to beat women, mismanage his emotions and to have no respect for his mother. You are basically ensuring that he spends his life being an ass, likely with frequent law enforcement contact. Is that what you want?!?

 

You honestly should not even be in a relationship with ANYONE. You need to be single, go to therapy and find out why you believe you deserve to be treated like this. This is not a normal or a healthy relationship in any way. Get out now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Do not tell him. When women leave an abusive relationship is when they are most likely to die or be seriously injured. Get the help of a women's shelter. Change your phone #. Cut off all contact. Do not spend the next 20 years being beaten, allowing your sons to see you as a punching bag, only to die or finally wise up.

 

Good luck.