Complicated but exclusive

[luvsux69]

Ive been seeing this girl for about 6 months now and I met her through her roomate (an old mutual friend). The first 3 months everything went well other than her contacting her ex via text and email a lot. Eventually she told me what happened (he proposed to her and she said maybe its better we wait until I finish school... and he took it the wrong way and thought she didnt want to marry him..they ended up arguing a lot and broke it off.)

 

The last 3 months her and I have had a lot of ups and downs and sleeping with each other literally almost every night. I got to admit Ive become very attached to her but at the same time I feel as if she gives me mixed signals; some examples are: In September it was her birthday and she got wasted and this one promoter that weve both known for a long time was flirting with her and poking her and she asked him to stop...the drunker she got the more flirty hed get with her. She didnt seem to care about me that night. I felt so hurt and I explained to her the next day that I felt it was wrong for them to do that. She said that her and I are not together even though we are exclusive. I said even if we are not together I found it disrespectful and bothersome. Many different days she says she loves me and cares for me. Other days she says we dont see eye to eye and that shes not sure what she wants.

 

On Thanksgiving Eve, an old high school friend of mine came to her place because her roomate invited her. My "girl" was cleaning and setting up for Thanksgiving and I had been helping her all evening and the roomate went to get ready so the friend was in the living room all alone so I decided to stop helping "my girl" for a moment so that she wouldnt be alone and I could act as a good host. I hadnt seen my friend in a long time so we were talking in the living room. My girl calls me into the kitchen and whispers "once the girls leave, you need to leave and we are over." I asked why? And she said that she felt ignored as she sat behind me while i was talking to the girl. I said i didnt know you were behind me and I didnt think it would be an issue for me to take a break and be a host. The issue escalated and we yelled at each other...neighbors called the cops on us. The next day she apologized and said that maybe we just need some time apart and some space. I gave her some space and she would still call me every single day and has been calling me every day since that happened.

 

Over the past 3-4 weeks, I have caught her in 2 lies about the same guy.

1st lie was that she was going to a bar and I asked if I could come and she said no because its ladies night out. Later I find out that she did go with her girls but she also had plans to meet with another guy at that bar.

2nd lie was she told me she was going to go to dinner with one of her girls and I later find out that it wasnt true, that she went to dinner with the same guy she met up with at the bar. I asked her why she lied about these things and she said that she thought Id flip if I found out she was hanging out with a guy. Im afraid she might like this guy because she has hung out with him about 3 times in the past 5 weeks. Even though she sees me almost every night I feel very uncomfortable that she would lie to me about such a thing.

 

2 Sundays ago she told me "I hope I win the lottery so that we can have kids, get married and travel the world" but then this past Wednesday she got furious with as I had a discussion about the guy she has been hanging out with. She says that she should be able to do whatever she wants and I can too. That she always goes to dinners with her guy friends and that Im allowed to do the same. I told her that Ive been feeling insecure because of the fact she has been lying to me about this guy and that Ive only met him once. She got furious when I asked her to show me the text messages between them to prove me that there is nothing going on. I know her password even though she thinks I dont know it and i saw her say "good morning babe" but she even calls her own brother babe which is kind of weird to me. I wasnt able to read all the messages but I sense something might be going on. Now I have the need to sleep with her ever night in order to feel secure.

 

2 nights ago she tried to end it with me because she says that Im too controlling and jealous. I told her that if you are going to lie to me about something like hanging out with a guy then of course Im going to be more cautious and seem controlling but i do let her see her friends and family.

 

My heart makes me want to stay with her but my head is doubting her. I feel something might be going on but I am not sure because she told me that when we met all she wanted to do was have fun with me but that as she got to know me she fell for me. Every month she goes from hot to cold, hot to cold over and over again and I told her Ive never tried to break things off with you...but anytime she gets upset she tries to break things off.

 

She recently told me that shes very close to wanting to commit to me 100%. I dont know what to do. Some friends have told me to walk away and she may realize she wants me. I feel shes taking me for granted.

 

I also hate many things she has said such as "everyone cheats" & "its so easy to cheat". Ive seen some signs of insecurity on her part such as her telling me not to leave my phone around her because she will be tempted to check it and I said well i have nothing to hide so feel free.

Another time she asked me to take something to storage for her and I was trying to stream a game with my laptop to her TV but it wasnt working so I closed and put my laptop away and went to the storage...when I came back she seemed very upset and said "why did you put your laptop away...do you have something to hide?" I said no the game wasnt working you can go through my laptop if you want and she refused.

 

No idea what to do about this girl. She met me 2 weeks after her break up and I also read that people that had a father abandon them have trouble with relationships and are more likely to drop out of a relationship easily. She also had sex at a young age. I feel maybe she just likes to have sex with me and feels comfortable with me but might be playing me the nights that Im not with her.

[Gloria25]

How old are you two? Early 20's?

 

I mean, her flakey behavior appears to be that of a 20 something.

 

I don't take people in their 20's that seriously...sounds like she has some growing up to do.

 

I mean, from a guy who was engaged to her, to you, and hot and heavy - sleeping in your bed like every night? Geesh, she got over her ex-fiance pretty darn quick. And then the flirting and stuff with other guys?

[luvsux69]

We are both 29. I'm trying to be the best person I can be and she doesn't seem to trust me and blames it on the fact I used to be a promoter and my past and that I know too many people.