Need

[cobbleburn]

Hey everyone. I just got out of a marriage of 19 years. I met another woman who is confusing me. She has been divorced for 1.5 years now. She is independent, non trusting mother of two. Well we started texting a month ago and went on one date so far. She says she wants to take it slow with no expectations. Our first date she seemed so interested. We held each other and kissed even though she said she would never do that. We still text and she wants me to come over without kids to play games with sister/brother-in-law. She keeps telling me shes independent and Im needy. She still talks to me. Im confused if shes scared because Im actually going through my divorce and of rebound. It seems we are together but not together. We text everyday. She said she was going to find time to go out more also. She got mad when I went out and other girls were all over me. Trying to sum up everything. I need help!

[eye of the storm]

Well, first off...I am not a huge fan of dating immediately after getting a divorce. I personally feel you need time to grieve, to heal, and to learn how to be an independent person. A 19 year marriage is going to leave some damage that you need time to learn from and move on from. Getting in to deep to fast will keep you from learning.

 

My ExH is rushing from one woman to the next. Desperate for some kind of connection and to keep from being alone. He hates not having someone. But because he never took time after our marriage he is still making the exact mistakes with them he made with me. This has been going on for 5 years now.

 

I took time to learn. I made some god awful mistakes in the process but I am at peace with myself and where I am. And I am not in a hurry for "the one" to pop out in front of me.

 

I am not saying take 5 years. I am saying take your time.

 

Best of luck to you

[preraph]

I think she's just being careful. I think she knows firsthand because she's been there your vulnerability after divorce and is taking it slow because being the one a guy dates right after divorce is just to make him feel good and usually isn't going anywhere. He needs to know he can still attract and bed a woman, but he still hasn't processed his part of what went wrong. She sounds like she is in no hurry to plunge into a relationship and is going to be practical and cautious. Her comment about you being needy, you need to heed that. It's normal to be needy post divorce and I think she's giving you time to resolve that. But if you're always like that, it's a warning she's probably not the right match because she's comfortable being independent and not leaning on someone or having them lean on her. Plus she has her hands full being a mom, so she doesn't have time for a needy man.

 

You can keep an eye on her jealousness. See if it's jealousy or if it's more her worrying that you are actually just a player. But yes, you can be jealous and independent at the same time.