reed49 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 k i'm in a relationship with this woman for about a yr now .everytime i ask to do something she seems to have an excuse .it's always with a friend of hers . she's flat out lied to me about things ,she'd rather be out with her girl-friend [ who is married] shopping , or hangin at their house than to do something with me ...i've talked to her numerous times about us spending time together and telling her friend weekends i'll be with my guy . BUT she cannot do that , constantly being lied to am i wrong to believe i am being f'd with ? Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Aside from her not doing things with you, are you guys still intimate with each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author reed49 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 no not really being intimate with each other ,if/when latly once a month realistically Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Hate to say it but this girl doesn't seem too into you or too interested overall. She spends more time with her friends than you, she's choosing to do this. Whatever closeness that was shared in the past is over. Either talk to her and find out what she feels/thinks, sort it out and ask her to make more time for you, or think about ending it. To me it sounds like she's enjoying having a boyfriend without putting any effort in. Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 This particular woman you are with appears to not have the same amount of energy invested in the relationship with you, at least at this point. Have you asked her if she is willing to go to therapy? Obviously talking to her alone up to this point hasn't worked out too well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reed49 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 yea talked with her last night , voiced my opinions strongly and clearly . told her to make a decision if she wants a ''real relationship '' or not with me . she said she did ,i offered going to a couples counselor [ on me ].she said a pastors wife at the church she attends is some kind of relationship expert [ or whatever their called] BUT i told her being she knows you it wouldn't work .i'd already be going to see her with a strike against me .said we should together find someone neither of us knew because we would need an impartial person . funny thing is she still sees nothing wrong with seeing her girl-friend every weekend when we're suppose ably in a relationship .last night [ Sat night ] we had plans , they changed becuse her girl-friend needed her help with something .she ended up stopping by my place at 10:30 at night .. sorry but for me seeing your partner [ who you don't see much on weekdays because of work etc. ] seeing them 10:30 on a Sat night doesn't cut it .AND theirs weekends i work [ Sat /sun days} Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 YOU don't need a couples counsellor, she either spends some of her free time with you or she doesn't. It isn't rocket science, it doesn't need a counsellor to work that one out. If she is not prepared to spend her time with you, then that surely is dealbreaker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author reed49 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Elaine i agree with you 1000% ....BUT being she doesn't seem to see anything wrong with doing what she's doing ,i am willing to pay for counseling even if the only out come is her seeing how what she's doing isn't how it should be when you're in a relationship .... trust me being the time of yr that it is with holidays coming up ,me preparing to move into a new place and daily expenses the last thing i want to do is get rid of money i can surely use 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 YOU don't need a couples counsellor, she either spends some of her free time with you or she doesn't. It isn't rocket science, it doesn't need a counsellor to work that one out. If she is not prepared to spend her time with you, then that surely is dealbreaker. Agreed. OP, Unless you have something more than just a year of time invested in this woman (I.e. Kids, marriage) WTF are you considering counseling for? I'm sorry, she's just not into you enough and/or she's cheating. Please ditch her and find someone wo wants to spend time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reed49 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 i totally hear you guys ,understand and agree .we have datted in the past ,i left for a yr to deal with a family emergency ,while i was gone we e-mailed and talked on the phone a-lot .we have no kids [ she has 2 grown from a previous marrage] personally i don't believe in couples/relationship therapy , or counseling.i feel if you have an issue you work it out ,need to vent it to someone call a good friend ,or even go to a bar and talk to the bartender ,you'll get advice . not knocking anyone who goes to a couples counselor it's just something i don't get Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 (edited) Reed, I am a huge fan of couples counseling provided you get a good therapist. Of course, both partners need to be motivated to go, take accountability for their actions, hear their partner out, but most importantly be in a real relationship. After hearing a bit more about your relationship, I have to agree that maybe it is not entirely appropriate for you guys. Something is telling me this just doesn't seem like that serious of a relationship at all. I'm a bit confused. Are you two living together? Have you guys formally agreed to be exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend? Correct me here but I hope I am getting it right: You are angry she isn't spending enough time with you? You said you are intimate once a month. How often are you two seeing each other? I thought from your original post that this was a serious relationship, it sounds more like a fling or she's keeping you at arms length while she figures things out for herself. I don't know though, I don't think i've heard enough information so far. Something isn't adding up. Edited November 24, 2014 by Cedar27 Link to post Share on other sites
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