Inspired Drunk

[Hanoverfis]

I did an internet search today and read a post from a women that had the courage to leave a message describing her story. Very inspiring and thank you. I am going to use this to post who I am and what I have done as a sort of confession to the rotten and terrible person I am. I am 43, married (and have been for over 20 years to the same woman) and a selfish self centred alcoholic. It is funny to say that because I went through treatment 9 years ago and it was great. Of course, not completely convinced that I was a drunk, I drank here and there but eventually got myself clean and stayed so for 4 years. Did the AA thing, read the book, drank the ****ty coffee and did all the things I was supposed to do. And it worked, but I find myself on a Tuesday morning half in the bag after drinking mouth wash to get rid of the previous night's activities. Not sure what happened and I am not here looking for pity or "you need the big book brother" talk. I know what I am and am here to write it down and get it off my chest. So here is the deal and how bad I have gotten. I am a liar to start with, cheat on my wife given the opportunity, and would likely sell my soul for a drink. But is that really who I am? This evil thing called addiction is terrible and relentless and I have all the pity in the world in the world for the people that suffer from this affliction. It really sucks bad. I am presently working on sorting my ass out and getting back to being sober, because quite frankly, it is good and rewarding.

 

So why am I here today to say these things about myself? Because it feels good and I think what is necessary to feel good and recovery is to be honest. My wife is a beautiful woman that I do not deserve. She is home today and I am going to tell her that I have been a piece of **** husband and drank. I truly wish that I understood this thing called alcoholism. It sits on the sidelines and waits to bite you in the ass when you are not ready. Alcoholism is a bastard that has no pity, or remorse and does not care who it takes or what it does. I have tried reasoning with him and even tried to make deals, but no luck because he does not give a **** about deals. I know him well because he is a selfish bastard just like the guy making this post. I some how feel less satisfied than I thought I would after writing this post.