Nikki Sahagin Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Post from my friend abi: Ive been with my bf now for about 10 months. He has many wonderful qualities; loyalty, fidelity, kindness and he is amazing in bed! I love him, am crazily in lust with him and we have sex basically every day BUT my boyfriend has a bad side... he is an incredibly lazy person. He would be happy just to come home from work draw the curtains and go to bed. All he really enjoys is video games films and casual drinks at friends houses. Im more get up and go than he is. my attitude is seize the day. His is...there are plenty of days, why rush? He is 32 and im 25. Im starting to feel quite bored. Its like being an old married couple. I started doing things alone like the gym meeting friends going for walks but I would rather do all of those things with him. He just doesnt want to or if he does he gets grumpy and complains that he is tired. I dont want to break up with him but I dont know how to make our relationship work when he is so lazy! Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Tell your friend "abi" that she needs to have a serious discussion with him about him being lazy. Maybe she can suggest minimal effort, yet fun, activities to do together. Such as going to a theme park. Winter is coming, how about going skiing/snowboarding? Go bicycling together in the park. Take a cooking class together. Since he likes drinking, then suggest wine tasting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I dont want to break up with him but I dont know how to make our relationship work when he is so lazy! It takes 2 to tango. If he does not want to make it work then your relationship is doomed. You can ask him to change, you can accept the status quo, or you can move on. No other options really... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Re Abi's boyfriend, Let's look at why he is "tired". Does he work long hours? Is he a shift worker? Does he have a challenging job? Could he have a medical problem ? ; Low blood sugar, anaemia, depression. I would have a look at these factors before starting to label him "lazy". Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It takes 2 to tango. If he does not want to make it work then your relationship is doomed. You can ask him to change, you can accept the status quo, or you can move on. No other options really... So the sex is great but thats 20 minutes of of the day... What happens to the other 23 hours and 40 minutes... Staying with someone for sex just doesn't add up... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Re Abi's boyfriend, Let's look at why he is "tired". Does he work long hours? Is he a shift worker? Does he have a challenging job? Could he have a medical problem ? ; Low blood sugar, anaemia, depression. I would have a look at these factors before starting to label him "lazy". he used to work but left that job aboutfundamentally ago. He worked as a labourer from 6-4 but now doesnt work. He used to be a big weed smoker. I think that weed smoking lifestyle has made him quite passive and laidback to the point that its habitual now. I dont think he has any health issues although he eats badly.i think whe it comes down to it we just are fundamentally different people. Just writing this makes me think we arent right for each other Link to post Share on other sites
Cristo Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Post from my friend abi: Ive been with my bf now for about 10 months. He has many wonderful qualities; loyalty, fidelity, kindness and he is amazing in bed! I love him, am crazily in lust with him and we have sex basically every day BUT my boyfriend has a bad side... he is an incredibly lazy person. He would be happy just to come home from work draw the curtains and go to bed. All he really enjoys is video games films and casual drinks at friends houses. Im more get up and go than he is. my attitude is seize the day. His is...there are plenty of days, why rush? He is 32 and im 25. Im starting to feel quite bored. Its like being an old married couple. I started doing things alone like the gym meeting friends going for walks but I would rather do all of those things with him. He just doesnt want to or if he does he gets grumpy and complains that he is tired. I dont want to break up with him but I dont know how to make our relationship work when he is so lazy! Translation: He's good-looking, but there's not much else to him. Well, what do you expect? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 NikkiS, He worked as a labourer from 6-4 but now doesnt work. So he's a kept man now? Who's paying his bills? He used to be a big weed smoker. Well, that can have long-lasting affects on the brain for a start. I dont think he has any health issues although he eats badly Isn't "eating badly" a health issue? And someone is putting up with this for "amazing sex"?! Time to get rid of the deadwood, methinks .... Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) he used to work but left that job aboutfundamentally ago. He worked as a labourer from 6-4 but now doesnt work. He used to be a big weed smoker. I think that weed smoking lifestyle has made him quite passive and laidback to the point that its habitual now. I dont think he has any health issues although he eats badly.i think whe it comes down to it we just are fundamentally different people. Just writing this makes me think we arent right for each other When I read your first post I thought to myself "pothead labourer". Labouring can be a very tough game but with little responsibility, thought or initiative needed. You spend all day being told what to do then come home exhausted. Only the fittest and those with natural high energy levels come home wanting to do more, especially as they get into their thirties and beyond. Sounds to me like that "come home and collapse" routine, along with previous pot use and other people doing his thinking for him at work, has left him too comfortable sitting on his jacksie waiting to be told what to do. When the mind is lazy the body becomes lazy. Either that, or it's simply what he has always been. Those still labouring in their thirties are often doing do because they lack the ambition and motivation to progress into a trade or further. All the time he can get away with being lazy he will be. He needs a rocket up his arse, not just to keep Abi but to find work. With fella's like this it often works best if they are written a letter and left to digest it for a while. Trying to talk will often be regarded as nagging that intrudes into their "switch off and tune out" time. He will then have the choice of whether he wants to do what it takes to make it work with Abi. If not prepared to get off his arse she will have her answer. Edited November 1, 2014 by Snaggletooth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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