Darren2013 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I don't want to be caught off guard after the fact so I figure I would talk about this scenario just in case it happens so I can get a better idea of whether to accept or reject gifts. So if my crush gives me a gift during the holiday season and because I can't be sure if she feels the same way about me should I accept or reject the gift? If it depends on the dollar amount of the gift then how much does the gift have to be worth before accepting or rejecting? Right now I am already planning to reject any gifts if she gives me one regardless of dollar amount since gift giving is another ambiguous signal that can be explained away for just doing a nice gesture. Maybe by rejecting the gift that's my signal to her that I view her as more than a friend and can't accept any gifts given only from friendly intent. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Maybe by rejecting the gift that's my signal to her that I view her as more than a friend and can't accept any gifts given only from friendly intent. Well I had felt bad for possibly coming across as having ridiculed one of you're previous threads, apparently that wasn't the case. Im now convinced you're a troll. This quote has me convinced nobody can be so clueless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 YES, reject the gift because the sight of you repulses her - hence her "pity" gift to you.. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Another fantasy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Darren you remind me of this kid we knew in high school. He would come and hang out with us sometimes and we would tell him outrageous stuff to do to get a girl to like him. I remember one time my brother told him to walk up behind this girl and stick his thumb in her butt. LOL. We were at this local festival and had met a group of girls from a different high school and he had talked to one of them and was crushing. We had this poor guy convinced that this was a good way to pick up a girl. By poking her butt with his thumb. LOL haven't thought of that in years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Darren you remind me of this kid we knew in high school. He would come and hang out with us sometimes and we would tell him outrageous stuff to do to get a girl to like him. I remember one time my brother told him to walk up behind this girl and stick his thumb in her butt. LOL. We were at this local festival and had met a group of girls from a different high school and he had talked to one of them and was crushing. We had this poor guy convinced that this was a good way to pick up a girl. By poking her butt with his thumb. LOL haven't thought of that in years. There is nothing in this story comparable to what I do when I have a crush on someone because most of what I do is the exact opposite such as pretending not to like her and even avoiding places she goes to. So I don't see how this thread reminds you of that story when I wouldn't even come close to doing something like that. I never even touched this woman once. If anything even when I am in a relationship I wait for my girlfriend to initiate touching especially anything sexual. Furthermore your story has nothing to do with my post and doesn't answer the question. Is it or is it not a good idea to accept a gift from someone you view as more than a friend when you are not sure what their intention was behind giving the gift? Why or why not? Explain. That was the original question. Regardless if you personally feel I am trolling or whether I remind you of some incident that happened in high school is totally irrelevant to this thread. Putting all those things aside the question still has merit and it is an important one and talking about it may benefit others who are in that kind of predicament. It is getting close to the holidays and this woman has a history in the last couple of months of catching me off guard with inviting me to go drink coffee with her on our breaks. I politely declined with an excuse for not going and I don't regret it. I still think I did the right thing. But with gift giving that's a bigger deal than going to coffee. I don't want to risk being caught off guard again and figure out what to do just in case something like that happens. I am not a spontaneous person and I do not like to be caught off guard by anyone's invitations for anything or gift giving whether it comes from my crush or someone else. Just yesterday at work she caught me off guard again by striking up a random conversation asking me why I wasn't at home handing out candy to the kids. I was caught off guard because we have hardly talked in the last 3 months. I didn't expect her to randomly come up with questions or invites. So due to her history these kind of things run through my mind of what other random things she may or may not do next. Then the possibility of her giving me a gift runs through my mind. Hopefully this gives the members here a better understanding of where I am coming from in my thought process. Edited November 1, 2014 by Darren2013 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 There is nothing in this story comparable to what I do when I have a crush on someone because most of what I do is the exact opposite such as pretending not to like her and even avoiding places she goes to. So I don't see how this thread reminds you of that story when I wouldn't even come close to doing something like that. I never even touched this woman once. If anything even when I am in a relationship I wait for my girlfriend to initiate touching especially anything sexual. Furthermore your story has nothing to do with my post and doesn't answer the question. Is it or is it not a good idea to accept a gift from someone you view as more than a friend when you are not sure what their intention was behind giving the gift? Why or why not? Explain. That was the original question. Regardless if you personally feel I am trolling or whether I remind you of some incident that happened in high school is totally irrelevant to this thread. Putting all those things aside the question still has merit and it is an important one and talking about it may benefit others who are in that kind of predicament. It is getting close to the holidays and this woman has a history in the last couple of months of catching me off guard with inviting me to go drink coffee with her on our breaks. I politely declined with an excuse for not going and I don't regret it. I still think I did the right thing. But with gift giving that's a bigger deal than going to coffee. I don't want to risk being caught off guard again and figure out what to do just in case something like that happens. I am not a spontaneous person and I do not like to be caught off guard by anyone's invitations for anything or gift giving whether it comes from my crush or someone else. Just yesterday at work she caught me off guard again by striking up a random conversation asking me why I wasn't at home handing out candy to the kids. I was caught off guard because we have hardly talked in the last 3 months. I didn't expect her to randomly come up with questions or invites. So due to her history these kind of things run through my mind of what other random things she may or may not do next. Then the possibility of her giving me a gift runs through my mind. Hopefully this gives the members here a better understanding of where I am coming from in my thought process. So she's been catching you off-guard by inviting you for coffees more than once in the last couple of months (by talking, presumably), and she's also been catching you off-guard because you've hardly talked in the last 3 months ? This is puzzling... If you're spending that much time thinking about her and pre-empting her every move, how can she still be catching you off-guard? Option 1: gracefully accept her present, and give her one in return for no other reason than it's the season and you're being polite, without any expectations or agenda. Option 2: refuse her gift for reasons best known to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 I think you are missing the point. I am now planning pre-emptive measures as a lesson to learn from being caught off guard in the past. This way I don't second guess myself later. Luckily I made the right decision declining coffee. Personally I would prefer she doesn't give me a gift over the holidays since a gift would not be a strong sign of interest. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 SHE IS YOUR CRUSH YET YOU ARE TRYING TO FIND WAYS TO AVOID HER AND TURN DOWN HER GIFTS THAT SHOW SHE HAS INTEREST IN YOU??? Huh??????!!!!! As many times as you've rejected her, you probably won't be getting a gift. Oohhh but wait you think a gift would be a sign of rejection...for some reason in your mind. So if you think she doesn't get you a gift, you know she likes you...what in the world....smh Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I think you are missing the point. I am now planning pre-emptive measures as a lesson to learn from being caught off guard in the past. This way I don't second guess myself later. Luckily I made the right decision declining coffee. Personally I would prefer she doesn't give me a gift over the holidays since a gift would not be a strong sign of interest. It looks like you're being caught off-guard regardless of how much time you've spent imagining what she may or may not do. You decline all her invites and avoid contact with her at all costs so if she is at all interested, how do you reckon she should proceed? Maybe, not unlike yourself, she has her own reasons for not being too forthcoming... What I don't get is why her, and not you (who are the one clearly interested) should be the one to give strong signs of interest (whatever that is, to you). And if she does decide to give you a gift (a really nice gesture, by all accounts), are you going to make her feel bad / uncomfortable because it's not the sign you wanted? She's no more psychic than you are... You are putting the onus on her to do things you are not prepared to do yourself - apart from anything else, this is unrealistic pressure to put on someone you barely know. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 The holidays are expensive. Most people don't add extra folks to their gift giving lists. If she's only a crush & you are not in a relationship the exchange of gifts is unlikely. However, I always have a few generic "gifts" on hand just in case: a box of candy, a gender neutral winter scarf, a bottle of champagne etc. If you like this woman instead of making yourself nuts by wondering & dreaming, why not ask her on a date? Then at Christmas she will either be your GF in which case you should expect to exchange gifts or she won't be in your life & gifts will not be required. The idea that you will show her that you like her by rejecting her gift is completely backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 The holidays are expensive. Most people don't add extra folks to their gift giving lists. If she's only a crush & you are not in a relationship the exchange of gifts is unlikely. However, I always have a few generic "gifts" on hand just in case: a box of candy, a gender neutral winter scarf, a bottle of champagne etc. If you like this woman instead of making yourself nuts by wondering & dreaming, why not ask her on a date? Then at Christmas she will either be your GF in which case you should expect to exchange gifts or she won't be in your life & gifts will not be required. The idea that you will show her that you like her by rejecting her gift is completely backwards. I don't want a boyfriend title especially around Christmas time so there has to be a 3rd option. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 If you reject the gift she's not likely to ask you to make her the cake you want to make her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 If you reject the gift she's not likely to ask you to make her the cake you want to make her. I'm still going to bake the cake but I will invite others to eat it so it isn't so obvious that I did it because of her. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Just accept the gift. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I'm still going to bake the cake but I will invite others to eat it so it isn't so obvious that I did it because of her. But I thought you were going to bake the work cake so that she would like it so much and ask you to bake her another one for NYE. You said that in another thread, didn't you? It would be rude to turn down a gift. If your goal is to show your crush you don't have any interest in here, even as a friend, your ideas will work. Otherwise you are doing the opposite of what you need to do. Just have coffee with the woman one day. Get to know her better. Link to post Share on other sites
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