Women that want the man to plan the date

[AtomZ]

How many women like to provide input or feedback when going on a date with a guy? Reading the OLD profiles, and talking to some of the women, many of them state that they want the man to plan everything or even surprise them after they pick them up, with the details.

 

I know obviously my brain works totally different than the rest of society… But how is that enjoyable not knowing what you're going to do or even if you're going to like what he has planned?

 

I like vocal women that give input, and that communicate well… But it seems like when it comes to dating I still have to do everything and treat her like it's 1920.

 

Do most women just not like planning things out… Or do they just like the feeling of being catered to?

[Tayken]

How many women like to provide input or feedback when going on a date with a guy? Reading the OLD profiles, and talking to some of the women, many of them state that they want the man to plan everything or even surprise them after they pick them up, with the details.

 

I know obviously my brain works totally different than the rest of society… But how is that enjoyable not knowing what you're going to do or even if you're going to like what he has planned?

 

I like vocal women that give input, and that communicate well… But it seems like when it comes to dating I still have to do everything and treat her like it's 1920.

 

Do most women just not like planning things out… Or do they just like the feeling of being catered to?

 

 

I was in a marriage where I had to plan everything, you can imagine what I do NOT want as a divorced man dating. I usually let it be known to potential dates that I am a planner (It comes naturally for me, and helps in my demanding job), but will like the date to not look like something only I want, so I ask them for suggestions.

 

Speaking of which, I am suppose to be on a meet n greet today (only because she said she is only available Sunday). I texted her this morning to ask how evening was, she responded saying good and asking about mine.

 

I am guessing she is waiting for me to call / text her about the meet, but considering it was her that was able to do it Fri, Sat....you will think she will text me to confirm, but no she hasn't and am not going to bother either.

 

Plenty more where that one came from

[AtomZ]

 

Plenty more where that one came from

 

That's the problem where I live… There aren't plenty more. And the women know this. They know that there are plenty of guys that will conform to what they want and how they want it. My whole life I have always dated vocal women that never had a problem giving input and sharing ideas on what we did during dates. But with social media… It seems many women have so many options that they choose to discard guys unless he's the type that will do everything for her. What happened to the women that want independence and strive for to have their voice heard? It's as if they want independence in every aspect of their life except for dating… Where they still insist on the guy being in charge. Isn't that a contradiction?

[d0nnivain]

For a 1st date, it's nice if it's not a negotiation. On some level it may be psychological -- I want to see if a guy can take care of me. Of course I can take care of myself.

 

I don't mind input or being asked Qs. I don't like coffee so on OLD when a guy would suggest a coffee date I'd always quip sure as long as you don't mind if I drink tea, soda or hot chocolate.

 

As the couple gets to know each other more, then more of a dialogue is OK.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I don't really get it either. Personally it's nice to have a discussion about it. I especially need to know what sort of date we're going on so I can plan my outfit accordingly (I wouldn't be wearing the same for a walk around a museum and coffee as for going for a fancy dinner). Finally, safety. If I'm meeting somebody I don't know too well I want to either be in a very familiar place, or know where I'm going so that I can have a contingency plan in place (I'll tell my best friend or something, and tell her that if I haven't messaged her by a certain hour, to try get in touch with me).

 

It's rarely this complex however. Usually decide on an evening to meet, decide on food or drinks. If it's daytime it's usually a coffee. If it's food then we throw suggestions out for where we like to eat. There's no rocket science.

[d0nnivain]

The guy planning it is different from it being a surprise. Like acrosstheuniverse said, we need to know what to wear.

[Priv]

Finally, safety. If I'm meeting somebody I don't know too well I want to either be in a very familiar place, or know where I'm going so that I can have a contingency plan in place (I'll tell my best friend or something, and tell her that if I haven't messaged her by a certain hour, to try get in touch with me).

 

 

I personally would be incredibly offended if a future date assumed me or men in general a possible serial killer and probably drop you on the spot if I found out. But I guess it makes sense if you want your body to be found earlier rather than later .

 

 

But I agree with the other posters. Plus, since you meet them through OLD, would you want to have a suprise date with all the effort put in for someone you most likely will never see again anyway?

[d0nnivain]

I personally would be incredibly offended if a future date assumed me or men in general a possible serial killer and probably drop you on the spot if I found out.

 

Don't be offended. It's just something else that makes men & women different. Odds are you don't know too many women who you think can physically hurt you. You are probably pretty confident that you can fight your way out of most danger (barring a weapon). Women have the exact opposite experience: If a man wants to physically overwhelm me, it's unlikely I am going to get out of it & that's scary.

 

Accordingly, on a 1st meeting, we are definitely going someplace I feel safe. It's not a crack against you or any other man, it's simply common sense.

[Priv]

Don't be offended. It's just something else that makes men & women different. Odds are you don't know too many women who you think can physically hurt you. You are probably pretty confident that you can fight your way out of most danger (barring a weapon). Women have the exact opposite experience: If a man wants to physically overwhelm me, it's unlikely I am going to get out of it & that's scary.

 

Accordingly, on a 1st meeting, we are definitely going someplace I feel safe. It's not a crack against you or any other man, it's simply common sense.

 

True, I am not saying it is dumb. Character flaw of me perhaps, but I would take that kind of thing personally and think that my date should be scared for her life with another guy. But by all means, do whatever you feel you need to do to feel safe. It does make sense.

 

 

Though if something happens, things escalate quickly. A phone call by an agreed upon time will probably only provide a false sense of security. Mace, a desert eagle and perhaps land mines provide more real security

[GemmaUK]

True, I am not saying it is dumb. Character flaw of me perhaps, but I would take that kind of thing personally and think that my date should be scared for her life with another guy. But by all means, do whatever you feel you need to do to feel safe. It does make sense.

 

 

Though if something happens, things escalate quickly. A phone call by an agreed upon time will probably only provide a false sense of security. Mace, a desert eagle and perhaps land mines provide more real security

 

Hmmm..none of the last three options are legal in the UK so yep, I would prefer to have input into what we do.

[Phoe]

If my boyfriend has a particular idea in mind, I let him plan the whole thing because that makes him happy. He likes planning a surprise for me.

 

If there's no particular plan in mind, then we both just talk it out and plan it together.

 

If I'm the one with a particular idea in mind, then I'll plan the whole thing and make it like a sweet little surprise for him, just like he does with me.

 

I like it best that we can alternate planning or plan together. It's fun this way.

[Quiet Storm]

Women love a man with a plan. At work I am independent and decisive, with my kids I am somewhat bossy . I also want to be the one that runs our household and keeps it in order. But with my husband, sometimes I let my submissive side show. I like when he thinks of something to do and surprises me. Him taking charge makes it like an adventure. It creates curiosity and anticipation, which makes it more exciting and passionate, IMO. It's also nice to have him make the effort, it makes me feel special and appreciated. In my case, safety isn't a concern, though.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Quiet Storm

[MissBee]

My ex planned our first date, but he did it based on speaking to me and asking about my likes and dislikes and what I'd like to do and the food I liked and so on.

 

I appreciated that. I liked that I could trust him to be in charge and take initiative but I also liked that it was based on consulting with me first and catering the date to what he knew about me already.

 

If it's early on I would like to be consulted even if you want to then take those clues to surprise me. I HATE when a man has NO ideas and asks me out but then is like "Well...what do you want to do? Well it's up to you....I dunno...what do you want?" most women I think find indecision a turn off. I do anyway. I'd MUCH rather a man come with some ideas like "I was thinking we could go for an early dinner at 5 and then after head downtown to the Jazz festival then if we're up to it grab dessert and drinks later, what do you think?" Then allow me to say yay or nay rather than for him to just completely leave it open ended.

 

When I plan dates I also do the same. I base it on what the person seems to like or what I like and suggest at least some ideas of what to do and they are free to say yes or no and if they dislike any part I can change it. I MUCH prefer this approach than the blank indecisive one of making it all up to me. While you may think it is considerate it just comes off as indecisive and not very creative.

[Apaige]

How many women like to provide input or feedback when going on a date with a guy? Reading the OLD profiles, and talking to some of the women, many of them state that they want the man to plan everything or even surprise them after they pick them up, with the details.

 

I know obviously my brain works totally different than the rest of society… But how is that enjoyable not knowing what you're going to do or even if you're going to like what he has planned?

 

I like vocal women that give input, and that communicate well… But it seems like when it comes to dating I still have to do everything and treat her like it's 1920.

 

Do most women just not like planning things out… Or do they just like the feeling of being catered to?

I am so new to the dating scene; I don't even know what's hip to do these days. I've gotten better, but I do like a guy to plan the date. I mean he doesn't have to always plan it. I am getting better with the whole dating thing, and I've been getting better with the whole planning thing...

[Els]

I'm a woman - I actually love planning, but occasionally it's still a nice treat to be surprised by your man. In the early stages of dating, it would also signify effort and interest on the man's part to do so. I don't think it's sustainable, obviously, and I don't think most reasonable women would expect you to do all the planning ALL the time for the long term. Most long-term couples would end up either discussing it, taking turns, or the person who enjoys planning doing more of it.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I personally would be incredibly offended if a future date assumed me or men in general a possible serial killer and probably drop you on the spot if I found out. But I guess it makes sense if you want your body to be found earlier rather than later .

 

I'm surprised you'd be offended by that: it's just common sense. No way in hell would I let a strange man pick me up in his car and then have complete control over where he takes me and what he might do to me. I usually won't even accept a lift for the first couple of dates, I'll make my own way there and back.

 

Get real... trusting strangers is a stupid idea. Anyone is a possible serial killer, but I wasn't being that dramatic. Anyone could potentially have the capacity to not take no for an answer, to make me feel uncomfortable, to drive us both miles away from the agreed upon date spot.

 

And D0nnivain makes a good point too: as a man you know you probably have a decent chance of overpowering or fighting your way out of most situations. As a female, I know I'm as weak as a kitten. If I told you what I did for a living and who with, you probably wouldn't believe me, but I assure you I face danger and risk every day head on with zero protection. I have no control over that, it is my job. I do have control over my social life and I think it's a dumb manoeuvre to let a random person from the internet take me out and presume he's a lovely, safe guy.

[Priv]

I'm surprised you'd be offended by that: it's just common sense. No way in hell would I let a strange man pick me up in his car and then have complete control over where he takes me and what he might do to me. I usually won't even accept a lift for the first couple of dates, I'll make my own way there and back.

 

Get real... trusting strangers is a stupid idea. Anyone is a possible serial killer, but I wasn't being that dramatic. Anyone could potentially have the capacity to not take no for an answer, to make me feel uncomfortable, to drive us both miles away from the agreed upon date spot.

 

And D0nnivain makes a good point too: as a man you know you probably have a decent chance of overpowering or fighting your way out of most situations. As a female, I know I'm as weak as a kitten. If I told you what I did for a living and who with, you probably wouldn't believe me, but I assure you I face danger and risk every day head on with zero protection. I have no control over that, it is my job. I do have control over my social life and I think it's a dumb manoeuvre to let a random person from the internet take me out and presume he's a lovely, safe guy.

 

Pfff... I said in both my posts it is the sensible thing to do. But yes, I will still be offended. I could say something like I am good enough to pay for your dinner, but not good enough to not be a serial killer (which in its own right makes that line of thinking reckless behaviour - not prudent behaviour), it is more basic than that. You don't trust me, let's start whatever happens from there...

 

 

So for the last time. Do whatever is necessary to feel safe as it is the sensible thing to do. But you are not going to sway me to not be offended in that scenario. And that is a personal issue of mine.

[Tayken]

I am so new to the dating scene; I don't even know what's hip to do these days. I've gotten better, but I do like a guy to plan the date. I mean he doesn't have to always plan it. I am getting better with the whole dating thing, and I've been getting better with the whole planning thing...

 

 

So what do you do when you meet an equal who uses the same excuse that they are new to the dating thing and getting better?