Thought I may have found someone worthwhile...

[AtomZ]

Started messaging a woman that I saw on a dating site. Conversation was going good, so on the 3rd day, around 9pm or so I told her I'd like to give her a call. She replies with....

 

HER: How late are you going to be up?

ME: I'll be up late, I'm off tomorrow

HER: I'm jealous....I wish I was off tomorrow

ME: Are you still grading papers?(Shes a teacher)

HER: Yes, gonna take a while

 

So I give her the benefit of the doubt, assuming she is busy with work, I tell her have a good night, and that I'll talk to her later.

 

The next day we exchange a few messages, nothing major though.

 

Day after that we are again sending messages through the dating site. The topic of dinner and food comes up. I say again about calling her, and she again responds with a question of her own, totally ignoring me. So I just let her ramble on for a bit....giving her every opportunity to prove me wrong before I give her the boot.

 

Finally about 30 mins later....I tell her to forget it, I dont think we will be meeting. (Its funny how shocked most women are when they get a message like that) She asks, whats wrong...and I proceeded to point out how she blatantly ignored both of my suggestions to talk on the phone.

 

She replies saying "Well I dont like talking on the phone". I ask her "Dont you think it was totally rude to just ignore me when I brought it up?"

She shrugs it off, ignoring that question as well....and tells me that I am rude for backing out on her since I told her earlier that I was interested in meeting her.

 

I mean seriously....this is an educated woman! Not only that....she is a flipn teacher?? And she cant even communicate on a basic level with me??

 

Its very rare that I can get a woman to talk to me to begin with on a dating site.....but when I do....this is the stupidity and immaturity I end up dealing with!

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Ever think she is shy or just checking how fast you are going.

 

You just put a wee segment of a somewhat new start.

 

Here is a summery of what I went through.

 

My LDR SM took a year to open up enough to convo on Skype. Mainly she did not want us to get too use to our voices until she was sure about her feelings. As our connex was way too fast for comfort. I admit once our voices became part of our convo routine, it was hard to keep away from talking and go back to txts. Then came vids which then made are feelings for each other even more stronger. So there are things you may take for granted as just convo, some peeps get attached easy to voice, physical attributes and personable character.

 

While going through the getting to know each other phases, I never pushed her, but I think how she contacted me in txts and IM on predetermined time frames to catch up, showed she was interested.

 

I have a feeling she is a wee older than you, or just using female intuition in figuring you out.

 

Women are like men, some would rather see by what you show as a person, and others may want to see with their very eyes before getting closer.

[Keenly]

Some people just don't like to talk on the phone.

[AtomZ]

Some people just don't like to talk on the phone.

 

Thats totally fine if she wanted to meet...and then give me her number if she was interested.

 

What turned me off is her totally ignoring both my attempts, and not even communicating her feelings on the subject until I pried them out of her.

 

That is totally uncalled for.

[Keenly]

Lower your expectations in the beginning. Raise them back up again once you get to know the person.

 

 

Everyone reserves a chance, and being stiff in the first few days doesn't make dating any easier.

[AtomZ]

Lower your expectations in the beginning. Raise them back up again once you get to know the person.

 

 

That is terrible advice.

 

I would rather go through what I'm going through ten-fold, than to waste my time on morons that either choose not to communicate or dont know how.

[AtomZ]

Thats totally fine if she wanted to meet...and then give me her number if she was interested.

 

What turned me off is her totally ignoring both my attempts, and not even communicating her feelings on the subject until I pried them out of her.

 

 

 

The fact that other men lower their standards....and ALLOW women to do sh*t like this....is exactly why women do it.

 

Most women have come to expect men to have a high tolerance for a womans bullsh*t in the dating world. Men put up with it because they have an agenda. And women know this.

 

I am trying to meet someone worthwhile. Someone that meets my expectations as far as dating and long term relationship.

 

Sex is the last thing on my mind. But the rest of the dating community is focused on it....and uses it as a tool to leverage the balance back and forth between each other.

 

When a guy like me isnt out for sex....majority of women arent all that appealing anymore. They tend to lack the intelligence, social values, and maturity it takes to keep me interested and attracted.

[WrinkledForehead]

That is terrible advice.

 

I would rather go through what I'm going through ten-fold, than to waste my time on morons that either choose not to communicate or dont know how.

 

While I support your stance, I also support everyone's right to communicate in a different style. You prefer phone calls, and will be best suited with someone who will work on your timeline. Clearly she needs/wants something different, and that is okay, too.

 

Next time I sugget being a bit more gentle with your response. You can express your desires for communication in a way that won't result in you sounding jaded, and will give the other person another chance. You could say something along the lines of, "I do prefer to take this to a different comminication level and talk on the phone. I don't like to let conversations through text be the basis of how we speak. I'm free for a call at xxx time if you'd like to keep talking with me."

[No Limit]

I hate talking to someone per phone. Ironically, I don't mind it at all via Skype (perhaps I just feel comfortable with these giant headphones because I use them when gaming too, who knows).

 

 

But her avoiding to even reply to that question is a red flag for me too. Why not say "Let's chat for a few more days first please" or anything else?

Perhaps she's the type that likes having several men waiting on the back burner before making a decision and she wanted to have you back there too. Who knows. And ultimately, who cares? Next one please.

[AtomZ]

I hate talking to someone per phone. Ironically, I don't mind it at all via Skype (perhaps I just feel comfortable with these giant headphones because I use them when gaming too, who knows).

 

 

But her avoiding to even reply to that question is a red flag for me too. Why not say "Let's chat for a few more days first please" or anything else?

Perhaps she's the type that likes having several men waiting on the back burner before making a decision and she wanted to have you back there too. Who knows. And ultimately, who cares? Next one please.

 

I normally wouldn't care, but it just annoys the hell out of me because most of these women specifically write in their profile about communication and all sorts of BS like that… And then when it comes down to it, they themselves are the ones that don't live up to their own standards or the standards the standards they request in a man.

Edited September 21, 2014 by AtomZ

[Tayken]

@OP....I smell a catfish

[AtomZ]

@OP....I smell a catfish

 

 

I don't know if some of them are catfish… Or maybe it's (I know it's far-fetched) fake profiles posted by the dating site to make it look busier than what it is. Especially in the small markets like mine where it has limited participants. I do know for a fact that sites leave abandoned profiles up as fillers to make it look busier. Because I know some women(personally that are definitely not on the site anymore but their profiles still come up in the search.

[Tayken]

I don't know if some of them are catfish… Or maybe it's (I know it's far-fetched) fake profiles posted by the dating site to make it look busier than what it is. Especially in the small markets like mine where it has limited participants. I do know for a fact that sites leave abandoned profiles up as fillers to make it look busier. Because I know some women(personally that are definitely not on the site anymore but their profiles still come up in the search.

 

 

There are well know sites that have been ousted for posting fake profiles to get people's money

[Almond_Joy]

Have to agree with OP, that s**t was rude. She could have at least acknowledged his question by saying I dont want to talk by phone.

 

I don't see why this required OP to be more "gentle" or "understanding". It's a basic gesture of respect to respond to a question instead of ignoring it and I'd have called her on it too. So rude.

[AtomZ]

Have to agree with OP, that s**t was rude. She could have at least acknowledged his question by saying I dont want to talk by phone.

 

I don't see why this required OP to be more "gentle" or "understanding". It's a basic gesture of respect to respond to a question instead of ignoring it and I'd have called her on it too. So rude.

 

Thanks....but usuallly the majority of members on this site will always tell me that IM THE PROBLEM....and that I need to change or do this or that different.

 

Its BASIC manners and BASIC communication. Thats all I'm asking for when I talk to these women on the dating site but I cant get it. And when I say anything about it....they always respond with "I'm not dating you..I dont owe you anything!".

[Almond_Joy]

Thanks....but usuallly the majority of members on this site will always tell me that IM THE PROBLEM....and that I need to change or do this or that different.

 

Its BASIC manners and BASIC communication. Thats all I'm asking for when I talk to these women on the dating site but I cant get it. And when I say anything about it....they always respond with "I'm not dating you..I dont owe you anything!".

 

Yeah which is why I'm glad Im not dating anymore. Some people act like because someone's interested in 'em they're in some magical bubble where basic social etiquette doesn't apply.

 

Each sex has their own battles to fight with the opposite sex but basic courtesy should never be one of them. Good luck out there.

[jay1983]

OP brother, this kinda thing isn't going to end, I know exactly what you're talking about. What you're describing is typical behavior from women on dating sites. The only way you'll find peace is when you stop worrying about it.

 

Like I told you on your other thread, these I women just like the attention you give them and the only way to counter it is to not give them attention.

Edited September 23, 2014 by jay1983

[serial muse]

Thanks....but usuallly the majority of members on this site will always tell me that IM THE PROBLEM....and that I need to change or do this or that different.

 

Its BASIC manners and BASIC communication. Thats all I'm asking for when I talk to these women on the dating site but I cant get it. And when I say anything about it....they always respond with "I'm not dating you..I dont owe you anything!".

 

I guess the thing here is that if it was one isolated incident, it's easier to agree that that person was the issue. But when you have repeated complaints about every single person you interact with...well, it certainly seems logical to suspect that you're the common denominator.

 

I'm not saying that to be rude to you, but I just wonder if you're even open to considering this, and considering that you might want to think about whether you're being overly harsh to perfect strangers who don't behave in the precise ways you want them to. Maybe there is another way to approach this?

 

If that's not something you choose to consider, then carry on complaining, I guess. But I don't really understand the logic behind that, because it doesn't seem like it's working for you, and you're not happy.

[Under The Radar]

I guess the thing here is that if it was one isolated incident, it's easier to agree that that person was the issue. But when you have repeated complaints about every single person you interact with...well, it certainly seems logical to suspect that you're the common denominator.

 

I'm not saying that to be rude to you, but I just wonder if you're even open to considering this, and considering that you might want to think about whether you're being overly harsh to perfect strangers who don't behave in the precise ways you want them to. Maybe there is another way to approach this?

 

If that's not something you choose to consider, then carry on complaining, I guess. But I don't really understand the logic behind that, because it doesn't seem like it's working for you, and you're not happy.

 

 

 

MrTurk ...... Uh, I mean AtomZ ...... this post is spot on.

 

 

Oh, and Serial Muse's signature is worth investigating:

 

 

Army of Darkness is an excellent movie ...... makes me happy every time ...... maybe it will work for you

[jay1983]

I guess the thing here is that if it was one isolated incident, it's easier to agree that that person was the issue. But when you have repeated complaints about every single person you interact with...well, it certainly seems logical to suspect that you're the common denominator.

 

I'm not saying that to be rude to you, but I just wonder if you're even open to considering this, and considering that you might want to think about whether you're being overly harsh to perfect strangers who don't behave in the precise ways you want them to. Maybe there is another way to approach this?

 

If that's not something you choose to consider, then carry on complaining, I guess. But I don't really understand the logic behind that, because it doesn't seem like it's working for you, and you're not happy.

 

Very understandable POV, you're being logical and I like that. The only way is reach out and show you. You have to actually try being a guy on one of these dating sites. That's the only way to show you how extreme it is. If you have a brother or nephew or something, try to put his pic on a dating site and see what you come up with. You might be shocked, or even better you might prove us wrong and teach us guys something.

Edited September 23, 2014 by jay1983

[spiderowl]

Started messaging a woman that I saw on a dating site. Conversation was going good, so on the 3rd day, around 9pm or so I told her I'd like to give her a call. She replies with....

 

HER: How late are you going to be up?

ME: I'll be up late, I'm off tomorrow

HER: I'm jealous....I wish I was off tomorrow

ME: Are you still grading papers?(Shes a teacher)

HER: Yes, gonna take a while

 

So I give her the benefit of the doubt, assuming she is busy with work, I tell her have a good night, and that I'll talk to her later.

 

The next day we exchange a few messages, nothing major though.

 

Day after that we are again sending messages through the dating site. The topic of dinner and food comes up. I say again about calling her, and she again responds with a question of her own, totally ignoring me. So I just let her ramble on for a bit....giving her every opportunity to prove me wrong before I give her the boot.

 

Finally about 30 mins later....I tell her to forget it, I dont think we will be meeting. (Its funny how shocked most women are when they get a message like that) She asks, whats wrong...and I proceeded to point out how she blatantly ignored both of my suggestions to talk on the phone.

 

She replies saying "Well I dont like talking on the phone". I ask her "Dont you think it was totally rude to just ignore me when I brought it up?"

She shrugs it off, ignoring that question as well....and tells me that I am rude for backing out on her since I told her earlier that I was interested in meeting her.

 

I mean seriously....this is an educated woman! Not only that....she is a flipn teacher?? And she cant even communicate on a basic level with me??

 

Its very rare that I can get a woman to talk to me to begin with on a dating site.....but when I do....this is the stupidity and immaturity I end up dealing with!

 

I can see why that's annoying. She should have acknowledged your suggestion and if she didn't feel comfortable talking on the phone yet to say so and say why.

 

There are a few reasons why I might not want to talk to a guy on the phone on, say, the third day of communications:

 

- he didn't have a photo and still doesn't have one or insisted he could only send it to my phone - it makes me suspicious of him and I might be holding back until I know him better

 

- he's pushed the phone call thing or meeting from the start, before we've exchanged messages properly, and I feel he's going too fast and is impatient or short-tempered in some way

 

- I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt about something he's said earlier, but at some level it's still nagging me and so I am hesitating

 

- I'm not that interested in the character and don't know how to say it

 

- I'm not physically attracted to him though he seems a nice guy - really difficult that.

[OwMyEyeball]

Thanks....but usuallly the majority of members on this site will always tell me that IM THE PROBLEM....and that I need to change or do this or that different.

 

Its BASIC manners and BASIC communication. Thats all I'm asking for when I talk to these women on the dating site but I cant get it. And when I say anything about it....they always respond with "I'm not dating you..I dont owe you anything!".

Do you not see the irony in expecting good manners and communication from others when you yourself come on here offering the exact opposite?

 

When someone presents a remark on this thread you disagree with it's shot down as "terrible advice". Do you believe that instance, or the dozen other examples of your blunt disregard on these boards, to be well mannered behavior?

 

Your posts are drenched in anger. Do you not see that?

 

You seem to lack the basic self-awareness to properly gauge and regulate your own behaviour. You treat each potential date as the enemy; guilty until proven innocent. It's almost as if you want each opportunity to fail.