New relationship/conflict; need help!

[Lovelyelle81]

Hello I am new to the site I only signed up just so that I could ask this question.

 

I met a man eight months ago that I do like we have some things in common but we also have some major difference.

 

I don't want to make this longer than it has to be so I'll try to just get to the point .

 

basically we have a nice relationship we get along pretty well but there are some things that cause conflict from my partners perspective he feels that I am a nag and I'm trying to control him. The main issue I have is currently he doesn't have a car nor a DL, I allow him to drive my car for what he says is a quick minute which turns out to be two or three hours I tell him that I don't like this and he continues to do it which I find disrespectful. He says he knows his timing is bad and he is working on it but it won't change overnight. I can see he is trying with this and it doesn't happen all the time. I like to choose my battles so I let it go

 

Now let me just says that I am 33 and he is 34. He grew up in the hood not an ideal upbringing he kinda just did what he wanted to do. where I'm from a large christian two Parent home in the suburbs and there is a clear difference in the way we do things.

 

That being said he is trying to get his life in order and I guess I'm trying to help him where I can. So we're having a issue with him using my car . A few weeks ago he told me that he enrolled in a trade school ( near our home) 12 mins away. He asked if on days I'm not busy if he can take the car to school , I said okay, recently I noticed the mileage on my car is increasing since he's been using it. And I know he's had other ppl in the car as well. Tonight I confronted him about what he is doing and where he's going when he should he at class. He says I'm treating him like a kid and that he's a man and although he's using my car he won't tell me every detail of his whereabouts, he did say that he does run errands while he has the car also I guess things that he cant easily do without a car. I feel it's my car and I should know exactly where he is in my car esp since my intention was to just let him go up the street to trade school not to do other things. If he wants to do others things he should let me know.

 

 

Sorry so long . Any advice . Am I wrong do I sound controlling.

 

TIA- Elle

[GemmaUK]

He shouldn't be driving with no licence and you shouldn't give him your car keys.

[evanescentworld]

He can drive but has no licence?

Why not...?

[Raena]

Don't let him take your car anymore and don't let him bully you into thinking it's ok to either. Obviously he's galavanting around town in your vehicle. If he gets pulled over you may end up having to bail him out of jail and pay to get your car out of impound. If he gets into a car accident while driving your car unlicensed you'll be the one to pay... your insurance will go up and you'll most likely be without a vehicle and/or possibly still responsible for the car payment.

 

Offer to drive him to and from school but don't let him take your car. If he fights you on it, hold your ground and tell him no. If he keeps on insisting, dump him. Who doesn't have a license at his age? There must be a reason for it and if you keep letting him take your vehicle you'll be the one to pay the price.

[Purepony]

Drop that loser before you end up pregnant and single!

[Toodaloo]

Tell him its fine for him to drive your car as soon as he has a licence and insurance.

 

Sounds like he is trying to up his game but when you are used to doing what you want with no care for the consequences it is difficult.

 

Lay down the rules, make them reasonable and stop letting his view of the world skew yours.

 

If he doesn't buck up his ideas I am afraid that your going to have to say good bye before it gets worse.

[ExpatInItaly]

You are part of the problem - stop letting him take your car. You're complicating a very simple issue.

 

Why does he not have a license? Who do you think will be on the hook if he gets in an accident?

 

*headdesk*

[Diezel]

Stop enabling him.

 

And are you crazy!? Are you even paying for your own car and insurance? What happens if that guy causes an accident in YOUR car?

 

Seriously... at this point this isn't even relationship advice.

 

This is common sense advice. What happens if something happens while he is in that car or he crashes it or he causes an accident? What happens if your parents find out that your car was in an accident were you weren't even involved in?

 

Does he even pay you for the gas he is using up?

 

You have NO idea what the consequences of your actions may be and you might be held responsible.

 

EDIT: I thought you were 23, so this thread made more sense... but 33!?!?!?!

[Lovelyelle81]

You all are right. I am a responsible person but I'm kinda acting like an idiot with this guy.

 

I did offer to take him but he refuses to let me saying I'm trying to control him.

 

I'll be moving on with my life thanks all!

[veggirl]

I had a bf crash and total my car. I am very wary about letting people drive my car now, that sh*t went on MY insurance and I was responsible for the deductible, etc.

[Lovemesomehim]

Hello I am new to the site I only signed up just so that I could ask this question.

 

I met a man eight months ago that I do like we have some things in common but we also have some major difference.

 

I don't want to make this longer than it has to be so I'll try to just get to the point .

 

basically we have a nice relationship we get along pretty well but there are some things that cause conflict from my partners perspective he feels that I am a nag and I'm trying to control him. The main issue I have is currently he doesn't have a car nor a DL, I allow him to drive my car for what he says is a quick minute which turns out to be two or three hours I tell him that I don't like this and he continues to do it which I find disrespectful. He says he knows his timing is bad and he is working on it but it won't change overnight. I can see he is trying with this and it doesn't happen all the time. I like to choose my battles so I let it go

 

Now let me just says that I am 33 and he is 34. He grew up in the hood not an ideal upbringing he kinda just did what he wanted to do. where I'm from a large christian two Parent home in the suburbs and there is a clear difference in the way we do things.

 

That being said he is trying to get his life in order and I guess I'm trying to help him where I can. So we're having a issue with him using my car . A few weeks ago he told me that he enrolled in a trade school ( near our home) 12 mins away. He asked if on days I'm not busy if he can take the car to school , I said okay, recently I noticed the mileage on my car is increasing since he's been using it. And I know he's had other ppl in the car as well. Tonight I confronted him about what he is doing and where he's going when he should he at class. He says I'm treating him like a kid and that he's a man and although he's using my car he won't tell me every detail of his whereabouts, he did say that he does run errands while he has the car also I guess things that he cant easily do without a car. I feel it's my car and I should know exactly where he is in my car esp since my intention was to just let him go up the street to trade school not to do other things. If he wants to do others things he should let me know.

 

 

Sorry so long . Any advice . Am I wrong do I sound controlling.

 

TIA- Elle

 

I'm yelling this ----- LET HIM GO!!!

 

 

His intentions are to use you for what he can. When he's done with you, he will leave you alone, hurt and confused. Right now you have the upper hand and my suggestion to you is to let him go before you are too involved with him.

[Diezel]

You all are right. I am a responsible person but I'm kinda acting like an idiot with this guy.

 

I did offer to take him but he refuses to let me saying I'm trying to control him.

 

I'll be moving on with my life thanks all!

 

 

Public transportation. It works. He can use it.