Eggplant Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Suppose you've fallen deeply in love with somebody, and that the relationship cannot be. Years later, your heart belongs to that person still. How can you ever really enter into an honest relationship with another person? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 By devoting your attention and affection to the new person, rather than clinging to the specter of what never was. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Giggle Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Because you can love more than one person. This may be an easier thing for some. I know some people with one kid wonder how they could ever love another kid as much. I have found it to be similar with guys. I still love my ex. That has been over for 7 years and there is no going back to that and it has probably changed a bit. Accidently fell for a mm and feel a lot for him though it doesn't get to be more than friends. I love my not bf too. He's the one who gets my affection. I'm not pining for my ex which I think is the important part. I think people get caught up in the notion of .. How can you really love me if you love that other person still. Which is largely an insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Because you can love more than one person. This may be an easier thing for some. I know some people with one kid wonder how they could ever love another kid as much. I have found it to be similar with guys. I still love my ex. That has been over for 7 years and there is no going back to that and it has probably changed a bit. Accidently fell for a mm and feel a lot for him though it doesn't get to be more than friends. I love my not bf too. He's the one who gets my affection. I'm not pining for my ex which I think is the important part. I think people get caught up in the notion of .. How can you really love me if you love that other person still. Which is largely an insecurity. I tend to disagree. But there is all kinds of love. I have never experienced romantic love for 2 people at the same time and am not sure I would accept that in a partner to be. Call me insecure all you want... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eggplant Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 I tend to disagree. But there is all kinds of love. I have never experienced romantic love for 2 people at the same time and am not sure I would accept that in a partner to be. Call me insecure all you want... You're not insecure. You're right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 I never knew what real love was until I met and married my husband. I thought I had felt it before but I hadn't. Anything you can feel for two people at the same time probably is some hybrid of feelings but not the love that allows two people to share their lives, careers, heartbreaks, illnesses, disappointments, insecurities, children and dreams together over time. Anything you can and did walk away from isn't really love. Anyone who could walk away from you doesn't deserve your love. Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 I never knew what real love was until I met and married my husband. I thought I had felt it before but I hadn't. Anything you can feel for two people at the same time probably is some hybrid of feelings but not the love that allows two people to share their lives, careers, heartbreaks, illnesses, disappointments, insecurities, children and dreams together over time. Anything you can and did walk away from isn't really love. Anyone who could walk away from you doesn't deserve your love. Bah, you happily married people should be banned for those kind of posts. Letting us (freshly) singletons know what we are missing out on ;-) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 A lot of people were raised on fairy tales and began to believe that there was one man/woman who they were destined to meet who was their perfect mate. It's only a fairy tale. The truth is there are many different types of love and relationships. Just because you love someone doesn't even mean you can live with them. Living with them may destroy your love if you have to put up with their bad habits. Young people especially have trouble letting go of unrequited loves because they grew up believing that the love they felt MUST be reciprocated. They believe that love only exists between two people made for each other. The truth is whatever intense feelings you have -- that is coming from inside you. It's not coming at you from the other person. You take that with you when you leave. It's yours to love with again. You can have that intense love feeling whether the person loves you back or not. It doesn't mean that that person is just missing the boat that is you and some cruel twist of fate has disabled him/her from seeing that he MUST love you. We have an image in our heads of the perfect person, and we will try to see that person in every new person who comes along, but no one will ever be a perfect image of that ideal person in our heads, though with any luck, we will come to see that another person altogether fits our needs closely enough and also returns our love. Don't waste time holding that love in reserve. It's yours, not his. Pack it up and take it with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eggplant Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 Anything you can and did walk away from isn't really love. Anyone who could walk away from you doesn't deserve your love.I didn't say either party walked away willingly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Giggle Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Anything you can and did walk away from isn't really love. Anyone who could walk away from you doesn't deserve your love. This I would definitely disagree with. You can love someone a whole lot and recognize that you have no business being together. One of the hardest things is to let go of the idea that just because you love somebody, you can hate things they've done, you can find their behavior unacceptable, and that love can't fix everything. Yeah, the fairytale. Even that thought that goes, well if they really loved me, they wouldn't treat me like that. People do stupid ****. Saying it isn't love because it isn't how you want it to be.. My ex is seriously fk'd in the head. It makes me very sad and I will never forgive him for what he did, but it doesn't stop be from caring about /him/. Some people don't get that at all, but love is a beautiful thing and /I/ am not going to limit who receives it. =o) Link to post Share on other sites
laurelin Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I believed this very same thing several months ago when the man, I believed, to be the love of my life simply walked away. I left the door open for him to return. Six months later, I have yet to hear a word, though I know he does check up on me from time to time (gotta love Linked In!). When another door opened and I was faced with the opportunity to, possibly, love again, I was really hesitant about doing so. I felt it would be unfair of me to get involved with someone new when I still had such strong feelings for my ex. And, what if he came back? I didn't want to break someone else's heart for my own gain. So, I actually consulted a psychic. What she told me had little to do with "fortune telling" and more to do with common sense. She said, "The man you love isn't here. He left. Whether or not he deserves to come back is up to you. But, this new guy is here, now, and that is the Universe telling you to stop looking behind you and start living the life that is right in front of you." Her words disappointed me, but they also made me think and the answer seemed simple: If I'm being given the opportunity to love another, then there must be a reason. Either it will better me for my ex's return or I'll discover something even greater. If the ex and I were "meant to be together", then there had to be a reason why we weren't and, perhaps, that reason was a lesson that needed to be learned outside of one another. So, I allowed myself the opportunity to get to know someone new and, when I did, I was surprised at the outcome. I still love my ex. Deep in my heart, I understand his significance and I wish we had been evolved enough to make it work. But, we weren't and the opportunity passed. The man I'm with now is the man with whom I want to stay. Why? Because we don't question the love we have for one another. It is easy. It is constant. It is both playful and passionate. He sets me free. Had I closed my mind and my heart to any possibility but the one I thought could never be topped, I would have missed this life that I have now. Do I love the man I'm with now more than my ex? No. I love them differently. Does that tug at me and make me feel guilty? Only when I let it -- until I remind myself that if the relationships were reversed and I'd met my ex after the man I'm with now, there is no way I'd continue with the ex. The man I'm with now has redefined what a real relationship is and I'll never settle for anything less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 By realizing that "giving your heart away" is just a cheesy expression used in romance novels and romantic movies. What it really is, is not being over someone. You just have to be over someone. You can't fall in love with someone else if you're still in love with your ex. Only time will tell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Because that relationship ends and you either stay living in the past or start moving forward. I do believe we can develop romantic love for many people. I am not saying at the same time but how is one staying actively in love with someone that is a distant memory? At some point it becomes more about the memory or image of the person than the actual person. You grieve the loss of the relationship, you take time to heal but you commit to yourself and moving your life forward. It is one's choice to stay pining for someone else. Some people do and aren't interested in moving into another relationship. But if one is, they have to put it to bed and start making new memories with someone else. It doesn't diminish what you had with the person, it is just different and wonderful in it's own way. It is how many widow(er)s move forward. It isn't saying they didn't love their first spouse, and loved the greatly, but some do find they can love again. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I don't give "my heart away" twice. Since I have some trust issues though it's not very hard for me to let someone go, especially if my inner alarms go off for whatever reason. Besides, I don't need permanent emotional crutches. Link to post Share on other sites
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