moving past this

[tuxedo cat]

Sorry for rambling.. I'm tired.

 

My obsessiveness is a problem. It's been a month since I was fired from an internship and I'm still fixated on the vile crap my boss vomited about me behind my back. Tonight I spoke to my friend who was my supervisor there and he revealed, in passing, more of her comments. I don't think he meant to hurt me--he's a nice guy--but sometimes he can be oblivious and tactless.

 

It's disturbing to me that whenever I have the slightest inkling a person doesn't like me I'm right. Sometimes I feel like I'm reading an EKG graph--I can detect every little rise and fall in their perception of me. If I could only dial down my sensitivity to the emotional climate around me, it would be so much easier to not care.

 

According to my friend, the boss was sort of positive about me until the arrival of this other intern. The new intern actually did much worse research and was more careless (my supervisor and I both noticed this), but she was better at BS-ing and talking the talk. For this reason my boss assumed her research was better. In the end that intern cost the company hundreds of dollars, sending the boss to an event that was a huge bust...but this was months later.

 

After this girl started, my boss, who had been praising me only a week before, decided she wanted to fire me because I wasn't as good (how does that even make sense when they needed all the help they could get?). My supervisor, thinking she was crazy, talked her out of it.

 

I remember from the new intern's first day sensing that I had fallen in my boss's eyes, and thinking it was all over. But I pulled myself together with the mantra, "You're being silly. Just focus on your work."

 

Now I learn that my instinct was right. According to my friend not only was my boss comparing me unfavorably to her but she actually seemed to be relishing the fact that I had become visibly anxious. She said, "I guess TC feels threatened by INTERN B. Well she should." Cue evil laugh.

 

Two things:

 

1) if my instincts are right, most potential employers will not like me because of my social awkwardness. How do I come to grips with this reality? There will always be somebody more confident ready to swoop in and take my place. Will I be able to find a workplace that values actual work over swag?

 

2) How do you ignore it when you know an employer doesn't like you? Do you try to win them over or do you move on to a new job?

[I am Bud]

Dear tuxedo cat

 

No matter how socially awkward that you are, people will eventually warm to you if they know that deep down inside that you are a friendly and nice person that gets along with everybody. Add to the fact that if you are very good at your job then no boss is ever going to fire you. Socially awkward people are normally quiet people and you should learn to talk more and engage with others so that people can get a better sense of who you are. Once they know that you are quiet but good worker they will leave you alone. I'm not sure what type of persona you put on when you have your dislike radar on but learn to smile or laugh at your workplace. People are naturally drawn to those who are happy.

 

In regards to your second question you can only do your best at your job. If it is solid and you get along with everyone else then no boss will have the right to fire you. If they do then they will need to fabricate a story which can easily be proven wrong if you work is good. You don't have to be best buddies with your boss. They are human just like everyone else. As long as you treat them with respect and courtesy and work towards your organizations and team objectives then you will get along with anybody.

 

All the best - Bud

[AnneT1985]

What a kind and true comment Bud! I couldn't agree more!