Long distance/Cancer Troubles.

[BrandG]

Hey guys, first time poster.

 

So my boyfriend (we are gay) and I who were together for about a year, broke up recently because he and his family were moving. I tried to convince him to do the long distance relationship thing, and he basically said it would hurt way too much for him. I even said I would move with him when I could afford it, but he said he couldn't promise in the small chance something came up where it didn't happen and he'd be let down. Before he left, he refused to say goodbye in person, telling me it would devastate him.

 

He basically gave me the cold shoulder for about a month after leaving, told me he was over me, insisted if I moved to where he was he would never speak to me again. I was completely thrown off by this, as we ended on great terms, but were clearly both extremely heart broken over this.

 

Recently I was re-diagnosed with cancer, and have to undergo radiation treatments. I shared this with him asking that he please be in touch with me to help me through this time. He is trying. Basically he told me he misses me, isn't over me, but can't bear to hear my voice because it kills him. Despite this news he seems to be trying to communicate but can't seem to bring himself to talk to me. I've sent messages saying goodnight, and asking how he's doing. Yet his responses never come, or are severely delayed.

 

I told him if I beat cancer again, I will move to be with him, where he agreed he would like to see me. He would not discuss any other feelings in depth. Just that if I moved, we would hang out.

 

I've been racking my brain trying to understand what he is feeling and doing, and why he is pushing me away at such a hard time... I have found no other situation like this on the internet. I want to be with him, but he refuses to let me visit, or talk to me. He says he needs time...which I may not have. Why would he want time in a situation like this, or now want to see me?

 

Opinions are beyond appreciated. Thank you.

[CherryT]

Hey! You kicked Cancer in the butt once and you can do it again.

 

This is all you should be focusing on. Your boyfriend/ex is either not as in love with you as he says and it trying to keep a distance or he actually really loves you and is selfish and cannot find a way to support you during this time.

 

Either way, I think you need to focus on your health and not moving to be with him. Surround yourself with your friends and family. I know it hurts that he's not there for you... but you can't force him. He's showing you that he's not strong enough or the love isn't strong enough to do a LDR with you (I am in one. My fiance and I have been in a LDR for a few years and are finally closing the distance and getting married) and also support you while you go through this.

 

Wish you the best.

[pteromom]

I don't know what is going on with him. It could be a number of things.

 

But I do know that people don't really know how to deal with cancer, and they react differently to it. Cancer reminds people of their own mortality, and sometimes people get selfish and can't deal with it. There is a reason that divorce is so high with women who have breast cancer. A lot of husbands just can't deal with it. (Of course, a lot of them are also angels - this isn't about man-bashing.)

 

I know you are desperate to reconnect with your ex, but do you have anyone else to be a support for you? Family or friends? THOSE are the people I would confide in and rely on. Your ex just isn't able to be there for you, for whatever reason.

 

Focus on getting well. Please don't move to where he is where you have nobody but him.

 

Good luck to you.

[gaius]

When people push you away like that it means they don't want you anymore. Plain and simple. 95% of the time they want to date someone else, 5% they're depressed or some other issue is going on. But he's probably only still talking to you because you can't really be that heartless and not talk to someone who's fighting cancer.

 

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Hope you get better and land a much better looking boyfriend than him. With a bigger penis.