ja123 Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 Hi Everyone, I'm looking for feedback on what I wrote to this guy. (see quoted text, below) Backstory: I met a guy and told him straight up that I'm older than he is and even without the age-difference I couldn't see being in a relationship with him, but if he wanted to be friends then that'd be cool. He appreciated my honesty and straight-forwardness and said he'd like to be friends. His 1st (and only) telephone call to me was a week after that convo. He called me at 11:35 p.m. on a Saturday night to ask me to hang out the next day. He left a voicemail (honestly I didn't know who it was at that time, so I didn't pick up.) Frankly, I was ticked-off that he'd call so late, and I didn't bother contacting him. He wrote on the Monday to apologize for calling so late. But, I had lost complete interest at this point ... Anyhow, he just wrote again to ask why he hasn't heard back from me. This was my response: " Yes, I received your last email and your voicemail. I didn't write to you because I didn't know how to tell you that I've changed my mind and would rather not be friends. I'm sorry, but with your late telephone call and the general vibe ... I'm just not feeling it. It is very difficult for me to say that because I don't like hurting anyone's feelings. But, that is how I feel. I am sorry. I wish you all the best. Take care," Was this OK? I hate if the "fade" is done to me, but if someone doesn't respond to me, then I take that as my answer. Since, he wrote a second time, I felt I should be straight with him. The fact that he wrote a second time, actually, makes me think he was lying about just wanting to be friends, in spite of my having been honest about not wanting a relationship. Anyhow, I just feel crappy about rejecting someone, as we're all human and it hurts to be rejected. But, I didn't know how else to word my email, so I wrote what I wrote. Maybe I should have said things differently ... I don't know ... So, I'm asking for your feedback. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 That was awesome. I think you did a great job Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted August 24, 2013 Author Share Posted August 24, 2013 Thanks so much for your feedback, Betterthanthis. I don't know why, but I'm feeling really crappy right now at having to reject someone. I have empathy for him. So, as sucky as it is to be straight up and admit the truth, he did write again, so I felt the least I could offer was an explanation. Maybe he wanted some closure. I don't know. It really sucks to have to reject or be rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 It does suck. It takes courage to deal with things straight on. I would appreciate such an honest and straightforward rejection, even if it stung. The fade sucks too Also if you did the fade, you would be feeling guilty for that. You are obviously a nice person who cares about the feelings of other people. Sometimes we have to do things that just suck- I think it's always better to choose to do them with honesty and courage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Share Posted August 25, 2013 Thanks again, Betterthanthis. It sure did take courage. Perhaps the fade would've been better in this circumstance, though. I'm not sure. I went to bed very early last night and turned off my ringer, but this morning saw on my call display that he called. He did not leave a message. I'm surprised that he would call and not respond to the email. We honestly don't know one another, and he certainly shouldn't have much invested in me at this point. I really don't get why he would call ... or what he wants to say ... Any ideas on what he might be thinking / what he'll do next? Any ideas on how I should handle things with him from here on out? Link to post Share on other sites
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 Thanks again, Betterthanthis. It sure did take courage. Perhaps the fade would've been better in this circumstance, though. I'm not sure. I went to bed very early last night and turned off my ringer, but this morning saw on my call display that he called. He did not leave a message. I'm surprised that he would call and not respond to the email. We honestly don't know one another, and he certainly shouldn't have much invested in me at this point. I really don't get why he would call ... or what he wants to say ... Any ideas on what he might be thinking / what he'll do next? Any ideas on how I should handle things with him from here on out? Now just go completely ghost. No contact necessary. I have no idea what he's thinking but some people don't read social cues very well- who knows he might be thinking you want him to chase you or you are now a challenge, it doesn't really matter- just ignore any contact attempts and he will probably give up pretty quickly. If he's still trying you in a few weeks with no reply, have your dad or your brother call him and tell him to leave you alone Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Share Posted August 25, 2013 Thanks again, BTT. I just checked my email and he wrote 15 minutes ago, saying: "OK, no problem. Have a nice week-end." I won't respond. I'll go ghost. I hope this is the end of it, that he won't take it too hard, and that he can move on now with some class, and respect my decision. Cheers! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 25, 2013 Share Posted August 25, 2013 He seems to have taken it well. I think he will just move on. I think you did good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 Thank you. I hope so. So far he hasn't written again or called. Link to post Share on other sites
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