MariaMaria Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Hello, this is my first post, but I've been following this forum for a while and I thought maybe I could get some good advice. First of all, a bit of context: a suffer from borderline personality disorder (BPD). I don't want to blame everything on BPD - as I believe I have to take responsability for my actions - however I think it's a disorder that affects very strongly the way I think and feel about things, in a way that sometimes may be very distant from reality. So it's up to you to tell me whether you think I'm going nuts again or not: Here goes: last September, my significant other got in touch with his highschool sweetheart (through facebook). It had been about 20 years since they last saw each other and I wasn't very happy to see they were friends on facebook. She's very pretty, lol. Anyway, he was already friends with her sisters and mother before she joined facebook, and they also have a lot of friends in common. So far everything seems normal - ok, I felt a bit uneasy and started following her posts every single day, paranoia thing, but at the same time felt that it would be normal for them to catch up. A month later I realised she'd gone through his whole page on facebook and "liked" something he had posted a year before, when they weren't even friends. And the post she "liked" was a quote on "how to love a woman". Out of all the things he posted, that's what she liked. Ok. Once again, she could have been checking his whole page out of curiosity. And could have liked that quote. Simple. But very uneasy for me. By now I've had countless nights of nightmares with her. He doesn't know about this and when I asked about her, "oh it's nothing, but we were really close friends and have normal conversations!" So I thought: it's ok to catch up and maybe they're not even talking anymore. Two months ago, I checked his computer history and saw that "in the last 7 days" he'd been checking her photos - about 20 and had exchanged messages with her, but wasn't able to read them. In the last seven days. So I asked him: have you talked to her recently? He said no. I said "it's in your computer history". He said he didn't remember. That it was probably something unimportant". He acted very deffensive. I said "let me see then. Let me read it". He wouldn't let me. He didn't let me. Now you may say that I had to right to a) not trust him b)go through his things c)ask him for his personal stuff and that he was right to say no. But I don't find this natural. At all...if I had nothing to hide I'd show it straight away. He then said he had already deleted the conversation and that he didn't remember it. That sometimes they wouldtalk about trivial stuff, that she was having a hard time because her husband had left her with two kids. And I'm like wtf, one thing is catching up, the other is having kind of intimate conversations that I don't know about. She lives in a different state so I'm sure he hasn't seen her, but in two months he'll have to go to her state for a few days (work) and I'm terrified they'll meet up. He would never tell me even if it was innocent. And I also don't think it's very appropriate for them to meet, although some of my friends say it may be natural. Well, it COULD be natural if she was a long time lost friend, but she's his ex-girlfriend. And very hot too. I know, there has to be trust in a relationship but I'm finding it very hard to deal with this. I've tried talking to him but he dismisses everything. He once told me that if I wanted he would delete her but I said no. Don't wanna go that way. Jeez, I'm damned. Your thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MariaMaria Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Also: pretty much every woman that he comes close to I think he'll cheat on me with her. Or I think he'll want to have something to do with her, and that she's probably easy going and happy and that he'll prefer her to me. It's just so hard living like this. But I don't know if it's just me, or if he's really doing something that triggers this. He's divorced and I know he has cheated in the past (not with me). I don't know if I'm being sick or if it's my intuition telling me to pay attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MariaMaria Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Anybody out there? Lol Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) Also: pretty much every woman that he comes close to I think he'll cheat on me with her. Or I think he'll want to have something to do with her, and that she's probably easy going and happy and that he'll prefer her to me. It's just so hard living like this. But I don't know if it's just me, or if he's really doing something that triggers this. He's divorced and I know he has cheated in the past (not with me). I don't know if I'm being sick or if it's my intuition telling me to pay attention. All I will say is this... I was with a woman that was as much of a textbook BPD as anyone you will ever see. Im not a professional, so I wont go and label her, but her actions all bore the typical characteristics of one. See bolded... This woman wouldnt even talk to me for the entire night if some other woman even so much as glanced in my direction! How crazy is that?! How do I even have control over that? Every time I would get a call/text, she would look at me and say "who is that, some other chick you are ffcking"? If I was out on business matters, it was always who, what, why ?? It drove me nuts..I never once did anything improper during the whole duration of the relationship so this was all in her head.. There was a constant insecurity. Point is, its strikingly similar to how you are thinking. I think you need to look at yourself and confront your issues..I dont know your guy or his intentions but if he is anything like me he is growing very weary of this.. PS..On your behalf, I will say that he should NOT be talking to any exes while with you..Its inappropriate and he should know that . TFY Edited July 1, 2013 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts