heavyheart444 Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) Hello everyone – I’m a newbie here. I’m so happy to have found a support forum like this and I’m really looking forward to hearing from others. I’m in a bad BAD situation. This I know. I’m completely aware. NO denying of it. I’ve been with my live in boyfriend for 4 years now and he’s been physically and verbally abusive. Mostly when we’re drinking. There have been a few situations that have happened that made me lose complete trust in him (cheating). When we drink I sometimes can get beligerent and mouthy because of things and in return (not always) he’ll getphysical. I’ve told him that it’s not ok to behave this way when he’supset. He says he can’t control himself and I shouldn’t poke a bear with a stick. There have been times he has apologized and times when he hasn’t. There are some instances where he says that I brought it upon myself, etc. etc. I’m wondering if it is me. If I wouldn’t argue with him or bring anything up then it wouldn’t happen. But then there are times that I bring up something totally legitimate and if it’s not something he wants to hear he gets upset. I love this man more than anything. When he’s good he’s soooooo good. He’s amazing. That just makes it harder for me. I just started seeing a counselor and I’m trying to figure out why I can’t leave him. I have talked to him about getting help and he doesn’t think he needs it. I know that leaving him is the right thing to do. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’m so afraid of being without him and I fearsome other woman is going to wind up with the man that I love (the good sides of him) and that he’ll change for another woman. I know it’s totally bizarre thinking but my counselor told me that I’m in a fog. It’s very hard for me to make rational decisions because I’m so torn mentally by allof this. I feel like it’s what I deserve, etc. etc. Last night was another episode. We were out drinking (I’m not an alcoholic,just occasionally) and I brought something up that set me off and I startedfighting with him. I think I pulled hishair in the car (wrong, I know) and he hit me. Once in the face and I hit my head on the car window. He also threw me out of the car when we gothome, on the ground because I refused to get out. He then left. He called this morning and apologized. Said he didn’t mean to hurt me, etc.etc. which is very rare as he hardly ever apologizes for anything. So here I am. An abused woman. I’m a great woman to him. I treat him so well. I act like a wife and do all that a wife would but he won’t marry me. I guess I’m thinking, why would I want to marry him anyway, right? This situation is just crazy and I’m so sad. I have such a heavy heart. I’m so confused and torn and need guidance and support as I really have no one to talk to about this. I’m embarrassed. So again, here I am. Will he change if I just leave him alone? What do I do? I don’t feel like he respect me cause I’ve never put my foot down. I forgive and forgive and forgive. Will putting my foot down make things change? I really look forward to hearing from you, thanks inadvance! Edited July 20, 2012 by heavyheart444 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 plz tell me what subject/s do you quarrel about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author heavyheart444 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Share Posted July 20, 2012 We quarrel about his lies and cheating, his irresponsibility with money, selfishness, etc. etc. Why does that matter? Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 I am so sorry you are going through this you do not deserve this. I went through it my self. He has a drinking problem and needs anger management in time the fights get worse and so do the beatings. You can not change him but you can change your-self. You are use to this and want love from him your basically thinking you deserve this. You do not deserve this.He will continue to do this to other woman without help. Some men never change. I found I kept finding the same kind of guy after wards I had to change my taste and never allow it again. Do not allow him to do this you do need to get out. He will tell you he has changed but until he has quit drinking and fixed his self this wont stop. This takes years of work he has already set his pattern. Honestly get out before you have been damaged more. Big Hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) because you would have to drop these subjects and bring up less aggravating ones in convos - but if he's a cheat, violent, selfish and making you pay bills, well, i'd find that hard to take, but still, to move to happier times - what subjects do you two not argue about? talk about those subjects with him instead, if you intend staying with him, but i also agree with scatterd. Edited July 20, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Oh look, a woman who gets drunk and beligerent and then blames the man for his response. If his response was belligerence maybe no one would have an issue. Since his response was punching someone in the face I think he can suck up the blame for that one! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Ugh why did you pull his hair? You know he can get physical with you so why on earth would you provoke him by putting your hands on him first? Something tells me it's not the first time you've assaulted first. Link to post Share on other sites
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