I like a girl who I've been told is "asexual" and is leaving the country.

[sovasoveta]

Just a little background information: I am a rising senior in college, I am studying abroad next semester, I have only had one relationship ever and it was more or less long distance. The girl I like is Taiwanese but raised as an American. She is a year and a half older, only a year ahead in school (She just graduated)

 

So I met this girl at the beginning of my spring semester this year in a mutual class, we also live in the same dormitory in the same hall. Anyway, I had my eyes set on her the first time I met her. Something told me she was someone I wanted to date. So I befriended her along with one other person who was her really good friend.

 

We three had, over the semester, only ever spent time when we were working on our class assignments. However, this past month and a few weeks prior I started to do more than just work with the two of them on our assignments. Specifically, I stayed up all night just hanging out with TA (I'm using this as a code name for my interest). We sorta hit it off talking about random subjects that I usually would avoid with girls.

 

Then, near the end of the semester, near graduation, things became more "tight" between her and me. One night after finishing a game with a larger group, she suggested i come "keep her company" while she was working on her paper. The following week after hanging out with other people again, she suggested going for a walk to see what was open on campus and then when we got back she suggested watching a movie in my room. Stayed up for 9 more hours just watching stuff on youtube and movies (nerdy stuff heck yeah!).

 

Then a couple days went by and we ended up on an accidental date. Originally we were supposed to go see a movie with 5 people but it ended up being just me and her. I never saw it as a "date" and I don't think she did either. But anyway, we finished the movie and the next day i suggested watching a movie in my room again. Same old stuff.

 

Throughout all this I noticed she's touched me on my shoulder multiple times in a friendly manner, not sexual any which way. Just more or less she would touch me whenever i expressed self-pity or disappointment in something. She also laughs at my jokes more or less all the time. Not hysterical laughing but kinda a chuckle or giggle whenever I say something semi-funny.

 

So I was thinking she liked me due to these signals. I became enthralled with her. Sadly though I had to say goodbye after graduation. She's from a different state than me and we live about 8-10 hours away. Also, her plans are to work in Japan for the next couple years while I will be studying abroad for a semester then finishing up school the following semester and eventually finding a job.

 

I never told her how I felt about her, BUT I asked our mutual friend, "Do you think TA likes me?" She replied with, "No, she's asexual." Me- "Does she not like guys or something?" Friend- "She's weird when it comes to emotions and has had three people ask her out, 2 girls and a guy, none of them were successful. TA doesn't get the whole dating thing and when she has never showed interest in a guy. When we watch soccer she points out that the guy's being shirtless is pointless and gross." Me- "Why would she spend all night with me then?" Friend- "I think its cause she doesn't know that's she sending off those 'interested-in-you' signals. She's TA, she does things like that. But you are the first guy she's ever spent with in a room alone for that long. if you think you want to, go for it, but just realize I'm pretty sure she won't want anything."

 

Going on the asexual thing though, TA once asked me jokingly, "do you like fish or meat?" I replied with Fish of course (if you understand the euphemism) and asked her. She said, "i like salad with chopped up sausage in it" Now I have no idea how to read that other than she's semi-asexual? I really don't know and was hoping some of you might be able to help me on this. I don't understand how one can be that friendly yet still be asexual. I guess there are some things in this world i won't understand. Anyway, back to my story.

 

So I asked my friend to talk to her about me and have yet to find out what exactly they talked about. At this point though I am stuck in my hometown and TA in her's. I keep in contact with her and our mutual friend but I'm not sure where to go from here. Do I tell her how I feel? I really don't want to ruin our friendship or make things awkward. And if it so happens she's interested in me but doesn't want anything, do I just keep things on simmer basically and keep myself open for her or do I completely move on? This is really the first girl I've completely clicked with. We get a long VERY well and she's even said that i'm one of the very few people she likes and is nice to because "he's a nice person."

 

This situation is driving me nuts.

[Krytie TV]

Well, there's this thing about young people that you need to understand. If you see a behavior you don't understand or can't relate to, attribute it to an unseemly character trait. Add a misunderstood social behavior to a social environment in college, and you have yourself an asexual woman. Have you considered that she may be one of that very small group of women that don't find college "boys" appealing? If she's straight, turning down 1 guy and 2 girls is hardly asexual. Sounds to me like the friend might be jealous because more people are interested in your target than in her.

 

I thought her salad comment was awesome. But I would add that in my opinion, you are WAAAAAAAY overthinking this. If you stew long enough you can make yourself believe anything.

 

The hardline here is it's time for you to man up. As it is you live in different countries/states. If you get shot down or it changes your friendship, who freakin cares? Would this one missing ingredient really impact your daily life? Don't let this be a girl that you "wonder" about 10 years from now because you sat on your laurels and listened to other socially awkward young people.

[lynbetz]

You need to get up and get this woman who you love and adore so much! Do some research on how to get the woman you love back and how to make her stay with you!

[sovasoveta]

I actually got the feeling our mutual friend was somewhat interested in me and might have fibbed about talking with my 'target' if you will. I also agree that I may have overanalyzed the salad comment.

 

We are all socially awkward people when we are young, and I agree with that statement, and that might very well be the case, but she never talked about being interested in guys or girls for that matter. So hard to gauge.

 

Anyway, the long distance thing IS a problem. I've done a LDR before and it was terrible. But I wouldn't mind one again, but I feel that my target is looking more towards her own career than about "dating a white middle-class guy who's still in college"