Krix Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Lately my boyfriend has been stressed out. A few months ago we got into a pretty major car accident, no one was hurt but his car was totaled. After a month of dealing with his insurance, and going from a nice Honda to a beater car to drive back and forth to work. (I'm sure that plays a role in his stress) Things just seem to keep piling up. He's trying to go back to school, and keep his hours up at work. I'm sure I'm not helping by having my own issues within our relationship (he's pretty much emotionally distant and I sometimes feel neglected because of it, rationally I know that he cares and he does show it in his own ways, but the relationships I'm used to are more physical, I suppose, than ours) Lately he's just been more distant, and I try not to take it personally, I know that it's probably just his way of dealing with his stress. But it's so hard not too. I want to be able to help him, or offer my support without being that overbearing girlfriend.. Link to post Share on other sites
Electric.man Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Uhm...it's quite a complex scenario, and with fragmentary information. He's undoubtedly going through a bad moment: as much as some people would consider the accident "minor" because nobody was hurt, loosing something you worked your behind off for hurts if you're not exactly swimming in cash. Also, consider that if he's still very much involved with work and possibly study, he might have an issue with having time for himself to relax and do things he likes. What do you mean by him being "distant"? Do you mean, for example, that when he's not working he seems to try to be by himself, getting absorbed in hobbies or interests? Or is he distant on a physical level (sex)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Krix Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 (edited) He's distant in a lot of ways for example whenever I want a hug or a kiss it's like trying to pull teeth. If I hug for "too long" he kinda pushes me off. He's not really retreating into himself as much as he just wants "alone time" which happens to be all the time. He says it's because I'm clingy, which I dont really understand how wanting a hug or a kiss a few times a day is clingy? We really dont have sex too often either (maybe 2 times a week if I'm lucky) but he has another set of reasons for that. "too much work" or "just not ever in the mood" I'm thinking that the stress doesnt help with that either. And it's not like this is a sudden thing, or I'd be way more worried. He's been this way the entire time I've known him, and I do enjoy our time together and our relationship itself to just give up and leave. We actually had a talk a few nights after I originally posted this, where he opened up a lot more about some of the abandonment issues he has from stuff thats happened in his past. And how he feels frustrated that I want to put like 80% of myself into this relationship where I should be putting 49% into the relationship and 51% into myself, getting my schooling done, doing things for myself, etc. Where I basically told him that if he had this self fulfilling prophecy that things were going to go wrong, in life or the relationship, then they were going to happen because he has no want to change things that he thinks are just going to happen a certain way. I feel for example that he doesnt put any effort into the relationship because he thinks that ("just like everyone else in his life") I'll end up leaving him anyway. Ever since the talk things are a bit more in perspective but I still feel like these issues he has, he needs some kind of help to really work through. Edited September 3, 2011 by Krix Link to post Share on other sites
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