Heartbroken...same mistake twice

[Zaazaa]

I am extremely heartbroken...made the same mistake twice. Was this my fault is the only question playing over and over in my mind.

 

This is extremely long, but please find the time to read and shed some light and advice:

 

I am divorced for 6 years, my ex husband abused drugs then cheated on me. The other woman was pregnant and they got married 2 months after our separation. It was painful but I moved on, 2 years later I met my soul mate. He was my everything, I loved (probably still love) him with all my heart. He was the best thing that could ever happen to me, he accepted my daughter with open arms and loved me unconditionally or so I thought. The only thing that kept us apart was my parents attitude towards our relationship because of different religious beliefs and his past. I felt differently and went blindly into it, against my families wishes because this was the man I wanted to be with.

 

Imagine 2 adults running around like 2 teenagers to be with each other. He was my everything, and nothing anyone said or done made me feel differently. Until 3 years into the relationship everything changed, he relapsed was a sober meth addict for 2 years before I met him. However, this time he chose mandrax as his drug of choice and occasionally used cocaine. Also became a hectic gambler and never had any money. He worked months long but nothing came from it and because I loved him so much I supported him, paying for practically everything he needed and purchasing him a car to start a business. His work was not the same, never worked permanently again was always on and off. And for the next 2 years that's exactly how our relationship went.

 

He would blow hot and cold with me all the time, verbally abusing me in front of his family or my friends. I was many nights left in tears. Then last year his addictions became so bad that he literally disappeared off the face of the earth for weeks on end with no trace of him. I was an emotional wreck most of the time, but whenever he came back from one of his binges he begged me for forgiveness and we were okay, but not for long before the next episode began.

 

We went on and off for the rest of the year until December 2010, during one of his disappearing acts a female called me to ask if I heard of him due to her not hearing from him and being worried. I asked her about her relation to him and she says for the past 6 years she has always been the other woman in his life throughout his relationships, the one he confides in. I called him on it and he continuously denied it calling the female PSYCHO...I obviously did not believe him.

 

Finally May this year (2011), we spent a week-end away and I told him that I could no longer go on. I was an emotional wreck and my daughter was suffering. Honestly, don't know why I let it go on so long. But please people do understand that no man has ever made me feel this good the way he made me feel in the first 2 years of our relationship so it was kind of hard for me to just let go. And yes I do love him with every bone in my body, BUT I do know this is not what I deserve and neither my daughter.

 

He contacted me again in last month to meet up, I went to meet him and we spent the whole night talking. He asked me to hold him; he said that he loves me more than anything. He kissed me passionately and begged me to spend the week-end with him. I rejected him, he then begged me to bring my daughter to visit him at his place the next day. We never went; he continuously called to ask me why I rejected him and if I was seeing someone else...and then it hit me!! He obviously was, I called him the following day asked him to come clean. He admitted to being in a relationship for a month with a co-worker, he said she's everything he wants in a woman because she understands him and accepts him for who he is. I asked him how he could tell me he loved me and kiss me if he was involved he said he did nothing wrong (initiating - as long as we did not sleep together) LOL...Thank God I was strong enough to not go that route. I wished him everything of the best, and asked him to not contact me again.

 

It's a month later and today his mother called me, as we have a very close relationship. She says his now engaged to this woman he told me about and they will be married before the end of this year.

He's a changed man according to his family, left all his addictions for this woman. Is making the right choices and is living his life righteously. I am so happy for him...this is something I prayed for every night before I closed my eyes for him to be the man I fell inlove with. Four years of my life I gave this man, I don't regret it for a day. The only thing that deeply hurts and confuses me is: am I the person turning these men to their addictions? I want the pain to end and I really need to move on from this one with my head held high and a smile on my face....but the pain is unbearable:-(

[creighton0123]

Unless this new woman he is marrying is willing to stage a full intervention the next time he slips, he will just go through another rinse and repeat as he did with you. Perhaps that was one thing you did wrong. Instead of an intervention when he slipped into drug use again, you paid for everything. That's not to diminish how you felt for him. You obviously loved him and he loved you. It just seems that everything from that moment on was inevitable.

 

When you are able to move on, I would suggest finding a man without a history of drug use. You've already had two relationships with former/current addicts. I would focus on finding someone whom you can share your life with that is in the same position in life as you.