My boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me!

[ny90]

Recently my boyfriend and I found out that I'm pregnant. We've been together for almost 2 years but after a lot of discussion we've decided now isn't the best time for us and I'm having a termination. I don't know if it's just his way of dealing with the situation or not but we haven't spent much time together at all since this happened and any time we do have together results in us arguing. He seems to be distancing himself from me and from us and right now I could really use his support. When I'm upset he just tells me to stop crying and grow up. He just doesn't seem to understand that, although this is the right decision for us I'm still hurting.

 

All he's ever interested in doing now is going out with his friends and enjoying himself and it's as if he forgets I exist. He rarely phones or texts and any spare time he has is spent without me. We used to be really close but this seems to have torn us apart.

 

Please give me advice on what I should do as I'm scared I'm losing him and it's breaking my heart because I need him!

[cerridwen]

Are there other people you can draw support from? Your boyfriend sounds like he's in a very selfish and self-centered place and won't be available to give you the support you need. Perhaps he's hurting too but under the circumstances, pulling together is the most mature and compassionate thing to do.

I feel awful for you.

 

In terms of losing him, I understand. Yet, this reveals who he is. Difficult times bring to light the different facets of one's character and he's revealed a particularly ugly one. Look past the fear for a minute and project into the future. Would you ever again feel safe depending on him to be there?

[enigma_1204]

My bf and i Have been together off and on 4 4 years...we got pregnant once and our baby stopped devleoping...that was a time wen I needed him most and he wasn't there instead he toldme he wanted nothing to do wit me...he came back apologetic saying he was scaredd anddidnt know how to deal with tha pain...and we tried again...only this time during my pregnancy he left me for his bff...afer our son was born he came around but now he rather be wit the guys then me...he cancels plans wit me to go wit them..(wow...majo eye opener) trust me this isn't something u should go thru..from all the stress my son was 2lbs..trust me its not worth it...but if u wanna fight for it: have u said anything to him about how u feel?

[Eddie Edirol]

NY90, It seems like your bf has lost interest in your relationship. If its not that, he just doesnt want to be your support system. So you will have to look elsewhere for that. He might not be emotionally equipped for that, or he is taking you for granted, making him not interested in supporting you. Not everyone wants to deal with someone in your situation. So what you need to do now is show him you DONT need him, and once he notices that he will come around. Do not ask him for support any longer. It will also tell you how invested he is in your relationship.

[catchthedrift]

It could be that he just doesn't want to be with you anymore, but scared to dump you because you are going through this tough situation with the termination of the pregnancy.

 

BUT... It could also just be that his current behavior is simply his way of dealing with the situation. This means he isn't mature enough to make the commitment that you want to make in this relationship.

You need to talk to him about this, but be rational when you do so. Don't accuse him EVER and just tell him how YOU feel (neglected, alone with the situation and pain) and that you wish he would be more attentive during this hard time in your life, because you wish to be able to count on him.

See how his reaction is. If he has just a slight heart he will understand.

If not, then dump him! Then he is no long term relationship material.

 

BTW can i ask how old you guys are? That might help analyze the situation better.