VicJay79 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Dear Loveshackers, I really hate myself sometime. I find that whenever I get into a relationship, my needyness comes out, and I am so quick to rush them into Soulmates or best friend mode. Its just something I have always done, and I get so upset at myself when I do it over and over again. Its like a toxic pattern, and I can't figure out why. I am sure it has to do with an insecurity of some sort. How do you guys stop yourself from being overly needy and just flooding them with attention? There is so much of me that I hate. Well, its this huge part of me actually. I have my own flaws, but my needyness really causes me to be insecure, which causes me to constantly want attention. When I don't get what I want, I just leave and find someone else. At this point, I am starting to 'build' walls to protect myself. I am giving to much, and have been more or less been told that I need to 'slow' things down a bit. Kind of a rollercoaster, because a a while back she was the one pushing for this. *shrug*. Perhaps this has something to do with being a gentleman. A gentleman puts other peoples feelings into consideration, sometimes over their own convience. Perhaps this is just a test.... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Think it depends on how emotionally attached I am to that person. Some girls, there hasn't been that much of a bond between us, so I can say I've been able to be a bit off with them (not in a bad way, just distant), which in turn has lead them to being more interested and forward. But then take my recent ex, I loved her more than anyone in a good long time and so, like yourself, I too became needy and always wanting to be around her. I couldn't help it, I just did. I had this thought that if I don't instantly reply to her text or call her each day she would be gone. Stupid I know, but that's how I felt. So in turn, she became the distant one. I guess when someone is always around, it's easier for the other half to be a bit distant and less concerned. I know full well that when I first met my recent ex I wasn't interested and so she was the one doing the chasing. In a perfect world it would be nice to be able to recognise when you start acting this way, and then stop it or slow it down, but sadly, by the time we are in love with someone, it's too late to make these judgments - we're in love, and nothing is going to keep us away from our beloved. As I said, I saw myself making these mistakes recently yet couldn't stop myself, so I don't have an answer for you I'm afraid. Just try your best to look at how you are around people you don't love - how easy it is to not be needy with them and then try and take that feeling and mix it with the feelings you have for your partner. That sounds good, but I doubt it will work sadly. If you really could control your heart like that and tell it what to do, would it really be love anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VicJay79 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 Smudge21, Well said. It really comes down to perhaps having a 'healthy' love or perhaps a 'mature' love. I think both those require at its most bare the ability to be patient. I am trying to learn this, so I can have a more 'healthy' and more 'mature' love, and now that that I am seeing myself doing this, i am trying to supress it for now. The anger I feel is not to her, because she has a right to feel this way, and the feelings I have are a bit much for the time spent together. The anger points to me, being mad at myself for just not being able to control my emotions! I wish I could kill this needy side of me, and remove it forever. It causes problems, i just have not figured out how to do this yet. Think it depends on how emotionally attached I am to that person. Some girls, there hasn't been that much of a bond between us, so I can say I've been able to be a bit off with them (not in a bad way, just distant), which in turn has lead them to being more interested and forward. But then take my recent ex, I loved her more than anyone in a good long time and so, like yourself, I too became needy and always wanting to be around her. I couldn't help it, I just did. I had this thought that if I don't instantly reply to her text or call her each day she would be gone. Stupid I know, but that's how I felt. So in turn, she became the distant one. I guess when someone is always around, it's easier for the other half to be a bit distant and less concerned. I know full well that when I first met my recent ex I wasn't interested and so she was the one doing the chasing. In a perfect world it would be nice to be able to recognise when you start acting this way, and then stop it or slow it down, but sadly, by the time we are in love with someone, it's too late to make these judgments - we're in love, and nothing is going to keep us away from our beloved. As I said, I saw myself making these mistakes recently yet couldn't stop myself, so I don't have an answer for you I'm afraid. Just try your best to look at how you are around people you don't love - how easy it is to not be needy with them and then try and take that feeling and mix it with the feelings you have for your partner. That sounds good, but I doubt it will work sadly. If you really could control your heart like that and tell it what to do, would it really be love anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VicJay79 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 With this being said, i am so angry for wanting her to call, and even glancing at my phone to see if she did!!! ARG!! Smudge21, Well said. It really comes down to perhaps having a 'healthy' love or perhaps a 'mature' love. I think both those require at its most bare the ability to be patient. I am trying to learn this, so I can have a more 'healthy' and more 'mature' love, and now that that I am seeing myself doing this, i am trying to supress it for now. The anger I feel is not to her, because she has a right to feel this way, and the feelings I have are a bit much for the time spent together. The anger points to me, being mad at myself for just not being able to control my emotions! I wish I could kill this needy side of me, and remove it forever. It causes problems, i just have not figured out how to do this yet. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 The way I've always tried to see it is, that when you meet someone new and fall for them, you have to remember you know absolutely nothing about them. What you did in a past relationship has no meaning now. This is someone new, and you are someone new to her too. Things you both do will be analysed by the other and sometimes it will be good, sometimes bad, but either way if you both truly love each other, there should never be a wrong way of doing things in the early stages. With true love you just accept and learn from each other until finally you come together and share in the things you both care about and put aside the differences. That's probably why true love is the hardest to find, as most of the time, we focus on the negatives rather then the positives. Oh yeah, phone-staring - a garaunteed way to make sure the stupid thing never rings! Put it somewhere you can't find it, and it will ring! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts