moving in with GF? too soon?

[russian2]

We are both in our 20's and attend the same college. We have been dating for just over 4 months now and her lease for her apartment is up in june. She asked if I would like to move in with her. Let me just say, I am already living at her place 3 days a week due to me having to drive 1 hour to attend college every day so she lets me stay there. I already know her living habits so I don't think I am in for any surprises. Is it too soon to be moving in? We are both in love with eachother and she is the one that actually asked me to move in with her. Please give me some advice, this is my first time dealing with this.

[EyesWideOpen]

Eh, that's a hard call to make. My first thoughts were 1) you guys are way too young, and 2) the relationship is way too new. But really, no one can judge the strength of your relationship or your maturity level better than you...especially over the internet.

 

 

What I will say is that moving in together can really complicate a relationship. Living with someone is quite a bit different than spending a few days at a time with them - you're no longer a visitor, but a partner in the household. The level of expectations of you (ie dishes, trash, I'm-not-your-maid type stuff) might be a little bit higher when it is your house too. Are you both on the same level in that regard, and are you both prepared to pull your own weight?

 

Are you also prepared to get virtually no "me time" or personal space? Those couple/few days a week that you aren't spending with her might actually be valuable recharge time for at least one of you.

 

 

Loving someone can actually have very little to do with how well you live together. If your lifestyles aren't compatible, or if clausterphobia kicks in...it'll nag at you and create resentment regardless of whether you love each other, and ultimately negatively impact your relationship.

With that being said...again...only you guys can really judge whether you're both on the same page in terms of maturity, consideration, and willingness to work together.

[paleblue]

Go for it. Things sound good, so give it a whirl.

[reservoirdog1]

I'd lean towards waiting a bit. It'll be seven months by then; lots of relationships don't even last a year. You're still getting to know each other, and regardless of the fact that you're spending several nights a week at her place, it's still HER PLACE, and you have your own. That's valuable at the stage you're in. It takes time to get to know a person, and imposing very mundane things like money issues, division of chores, etc. on a relatively new relationship is a very effective way to kill the romance and the fun of that new relationship.

 

Moving in together isn't (or at least, it shouldn't be) something that's done out of convenience -- it should be because, at that point, you view the relationship as a long term thing. In the first six months to a year, a relationship should involve a lot of fun, hopefully great sex, and learning about each other. There will be some serious discussions, because lots of relationships reach a point during the second six months where the couple starts wondering if they should allow themselves to get more emotionally wrapped up with each other than they already are. Some couples break up at that point, and some stay together and grow closer. It's typically the first "big" test of the relationship.

 

If you cross that hurdle, the two of you will probably grow closer and closer. And if you work on it, you'll later be able to contemplate moving in together WITHOUT having the imposition of mundane things like finances and chores killing the romance and fun.

 

Point being, things sound like they're going really well for you two. My advice would be to hold off on moving in together for awhile. You're both young -- there's no need to risk the relationship by rushing things.

[russian2]

I'd lean towards waiting a bit. It'll be seven months by then; lots of relationships don't even last a year. You're still getting to know each other, and regardless of the fact that you're spending several nights a week at her place, it's still HER PLACE, and you have your own. That's valuable at the stage you're in. It takes time to get to know a person, and imposing very mundane things like money issues, division of chores, etc. on a relatively new relationship is a very effective way to kill the romance and the fun of that new relationship.

 

Moving in together isn't (or at least, it shouldn't be) something that's done out of convenience -- it should be because, at that point, you view the relationship as a long term thing. In the first six months to a year, a relationship should involve a lot of fun, hopefully great sex, and learning about each other. There will be some serious discussions, because lots of relationships reach a point during the second six months where the couple starts wondering if they should allow themselves to get more emotionally wrapped up with each other than they already are. Some couples break up at that point, and some stay together and grow closer. It's typically the first "big" test of the relationship.

 

If you cross that hurdle, the two of you will probably grow closer and closer. And if you work on it, you'll later be able to contemplate moving in together WITHOUT having the imposition of mundane things like finances and chores killing the romance and fun.

 

Point being, things sound like they're going really well for you two. My advice would be to hold off on moving in together for awhile. You're both young -- there's no need to risk the relationship by rushing things.

 

 

thank you. great piece of advice right here. As of right now I help out around her place. Cooking dinner sometimes, throwing out the trash pretty much acting like it was my own place considering she lets me stay there

[Lauriebell82]

Let me just say, I am already living at her place 3 days a week due to me having to drive 1 hour to attend college every day so she lets me stay there. I already know her living habits so I don't think I am in for any surprises.

 

This is just my opinion, but I think staying at her place 3 days a week is a LOT different then actually living together every single day, sharing finances, bills, chores, ect. I doubt you know all of her living habits after 4 months. Most likely you are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, which means that if there IS anything negative, you are probably turning a blind eye right now.

 

I say that you wait a little bit. 4 months is pretty soon to be taking such a big step, especially since you are both so young. Get to know each other better, then try moving in. You will find it will be a more enjoyable experience.