managot1 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Im 19 and the girl im talking to is 19. I went to highschool with her so we know eachother. We started talking about 2 weeks ago.. and we both were into eachother.. she enjoyed talking to me so much that when i would go to bed she would say "dont go to bed!!" (not being serious) and i told her i liked her and she said that she likes me too. I then notice something different so i asked her last night if she really is interested in getting to know me.. This is what she said word from word. " i am interested in getting to know you, but idk what i exactly want and i dont try to lead people on you know? your really sweet i like talking to you but im at school and going through my own **** and your going through your own ****. like idk whats going on or what im looking for and i feel like your looking for a relationship and idk if im ready for that and dont want to waste your time if thats what you want." What should i do??? where suppose to go out for dinner when she comes home this weekend for spring break.. Should i not talk to her as much??? I need some insight!!! please help!! Link to post Share on other sites
MommyofThree Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Both of you are so young. I'm quite surprised that she gave you such a mature answer. Sounds like she just wants to be friends and nothing more, for now at least. I would say, go ahead and go to dinner. If she doesn't want a relationship at least you can be her friend. Most relationships should develop a friendship first anyway...then the heart will lead the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author managot1 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Both of you are so young. I'm quite surprised that she gave you such a mature answer. Sounds like she just wants to be friends and nothing more, for now at least. I would say, go ahead and go to dinner. If she doesn't want a relationship at least you can be her friend. Most relationships should develop a friendship first anyway...then the heart will lead the way. I have mixed feelings, because the way she talks seems like she likes me. I mean she told her friends about me and her brother who i know personally. Women drive us men crazy!!!! I mean seriously why tell your friends and brother your talking to someone if you don't want a relationship or work your way up to it. I mean your 100% right a friendship always has to be created first. She asked me if a relationship is what I wanted and I said it was way to early to tell what I want. I'm honestly not even that excited about going out to dinner. I'm going to make it as casual as possible. I don't even talk to her that much anymore, i'm just stepping back a little bit to give her what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author managot1 Posted March 12, 2011 Author Share Posted March 12, 2011 So, i decidied to play it cool and be casual. I don't talk to her that much anymore. On occasions we'll have a quick chat, you know casual hey, how are you? how was your day? etc.... two days ago we were talking for about 5 minutes then i said i had to go i had to get back to work. and she was like. Your so confusing. and i asked why. she never explained she just said wwhatever ill talk to you later. then last night i texted her late and asked if she was still up. we chatted for a bit. and she asked is something wrong? and i said whats on your mind? and she was like " nothing im ok i just wasnt sure if something was wrong or if you were bored" and i just replied with "na life couldnt be any better. if something is ever on your mind just say it" I feel like i got her more curious and interested. because 2 weeks ago i was all about her and now im just being chill about. so im sure shes wondering whats going on, but seems to not want to come out with saying anything. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Her hesitance shows she is thoughtful and not going to make rash leaps into a serious relationship at this stage. That's very mature at your age. Here's what's on offer: having fun together and not being committed to a monogamous relationship at this stage. Note, at this stage. You should be pleased with that as it means she likes you, you like her, and you're both able to back out at this stage without heartache, if either of you feel it isn't right or is going too fast. Next time she jokes "don't go to bed!" how about saying "come with me" and seeing how that goes? It's a bit cheeky, and she might go for it, or she might decline the offer. Providing you accept her right to do either, that's cool. Take it easy. Being cool is not being aloof. You might do well to explain to her you were being aloof and less talkative because it was a lot to process, but you now know you like her, you have fun together, and you're cool with keeping it casual and open for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author managot1 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 Her hesitance shows she is thoughtful and not going to make rash leaps into a serious relationship at this stage. That's very mature at your age. Here's what's on offer: having fun together and not being committed to a monogamous relationship at this stage. Note, at this stage. You should be pleased with that as it means she likes you, you like her, and you're both able to back out at this stage without heartache, if either of you feel it isn't right or is going too fast. Next time she jokes "don't go to bed!" how about saying "come with me" and seeing how that goes? It's a bit cheeky, and she might go for it, or she might decline the offer. Providing you accept her right to do either, that's cool. Take it easy. Being cool is not being aloof. You might do well to explain to her you were being aloof and less talkative because it was a lot to process, but you now know you like her, you have fun together, and you're cool with keeping it casual and open for now. I told her last night. "Im just being chill because i know i was on a tangent and being overly forward when i was chatting with you a couple weeks ago. and right now i like the way it is being friends" and she told me "im perfectly fine with that" If it goes nowhere im absolutly fine with that. It doesn't bother me anymore at all. im just taking it is. Link to post Share on other sites
sadmemories20 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I don't talk to her that much anymore. On occasions we'll have a quick chat, you know casual hey, how are you? how was your day? etc.... two days ago we were talking for about 5 minutes then i said i had to go i had to get back to work. and she was like. Link to post Share on other sites
sadmemories20 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I don't talk to her that much anymore. On occasions we'll have a quick chat, you know casual hey, how are you? how was your day? etc.... two days ago we were talking for about 5 minutes then i said i had to go i had to get back to work. and she was like. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Be relaxed, be cool, be yourself. Do what you want to do and what makes you comfortable. Respect her in wanting to get to know you. Why the need to rush? My only advice: If it comes down to it and she plays the "don't want to waste your time" card, let her know that she will not be wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author managot1 Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 I gave her a text today. havent spoke to her since saturday. and that was the day we were suppose to go out to eat, but i decided to make up an excuse saying i cant do dinner because i said I was going to a hockey game. I wanted to make her know shes not my priority and wanted to make her more interested. So anyway today i texted her asking her what shes doing thursday and said shes going out for st pattys day. and then i said what about saturday and she said not sure.. Idk whats going on. I havent even saw her in person since we started talking and i just told her it would be a lot better seeing you in person than through texting. I have a feeling she lost complete interest in me.. I could be mistaken Link to post Share on other sites
missmac Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Let's go over her initial reaction to your text revealing how you felt: " i am interested in getting to know you, but idk what i exactly want and i dont try to lead people on you know? your really sweet i like talking to you but im at school and going through my own **** and your going through your own ****. like idk whats going on or what im looking for and i feel like your looking for a relationship and idk if im ready for that and dont want to waste your time if thats what you want." Allow me to translate for you: i am interested in getting to know you = I want to be platonic friends, and hang out without any pressure to develop feelings, aka "testing the waters" idk what i exactly want and i dont try to lead people on you know? = I am just curious, and want to be able to get to know you without having you interpret my interest as something more than what I feel I can give right now. ***I would venture to guess that she may have had someone accuse her of leading them on - after someone misinterpreted something she did or said - or the person was incorrect in reading her friendly disposition as flirtation - I have had people tell me that I come across as flirtatious - but I tend to be attentive and stand close to people during conversation, not because im trying to send a signal - but because that is my communication style - I like people to see that I am paying attention to what they are saying*** like idk whats going on or what im looking for and i feel like your looking for a relationship and idk if im ready for that and dont want to waste your time if thats what you want = I may or may not want to be in a relationship - I am skeptical about relationships (possibly a bad experience in the past) - it's still to early to tell, and I hope that we can hang out and be as neutral as possible so I can be in control of how things progress if I feel comfortable - but I might find I dont have feelings for you which is whyI will tell you you are wasting your time - so that you cant be upset of shocked If the feelings just arent there for me. I must say kiddo - at 19 I am pretty impressed by your accurate observations. You clearly know by now that talking to a girl too often, and being predictable will get you no where. This girl clearly has no clue what she wants - notice how she shows concern over you wasting your time, and that she doesnt want to give you the wrong idea.......yet no where did she fully come out and say "a relationship is totally out of the question" I can understand how this might confuse you - girls can be pretty all over the map sometimes - especially when we are uncertain of our feelings - which is why we say things like "I dont want to lead you on" to buy us some more time to get to know you better before we make any final decisions. Trust your instinct - if you message her and she doesnt message back - leave it be - you've said what you want - now if she chooses to get back to you - she will. It seems like she might be a bit timid - so when you talk and hang out with her - be as not threatening "in a relationship manner" as you can be. Dont continue to pour your heart out - she knows what you want, so now wait for her to come to you (if she chooses) if not - dont let her keep you on the hook for too long. You should never wait too long for someone to tell you how they feel about you - your time and energy is valuable too - so know when to cut your losses and move on. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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