Overthinking much?

[LCA1986]

Hi there!

 

I have been reading the forum for the past couple of week and building up the nerve to post my story and hopefully get some good feedback. I am in a confusing situation with my, sort of, long distance girlfriend. I say sort of because she lives 3 hours away but we still manage to see each other every weekend.

 

We started talking around August of 2010 and we both decided to take it slow and just get to know each other first. It was in November that we made a step forward but we still didn’t formalize our relationship until early January. She came up to where I was a couple of times but it has been me who has mostly done the driving in the weekends since I am off weekends. I would drive down to where she lived and stay at her place for the weekend and it was just amazing for the couple of months that we did this.

 

Anyway, I know she is got too much going on. She lost her job last year and had to go back to work in a restaurant. This caused her to stop her college studies this semester and move back with her parents as an attempt to save money to go back to college next semester. Her sister moved to another state and that hit her hard as well. For the past month or

so

, she is been different and kinda shut off from me. I tried talking to her but she wouldn’t talk and it was a couple of weeks ago that she finally opened up a little bit with me and told me she was depressed and was thinking about going back on antidepressants. She had been on antidepressants since she was about 9 and when she turned 18, she decided to get off of them and had been off since then until now (she is 21).

 

Now here is the thing... Previously to her, I had a 4 year relationship which didn’t end up well. My ex cheated on me and wasn’t honest about her feelings for me. My ex kinda took me for granted and stayed with me while she looked for something better to come along.

So

because of my previous experience, I have trust issues when it comes to relationships. I tend to doubt people’s intentions, and my now girlfriend knows this.

 

When I noticed that she was pushing me away, I tried to be patient and sweet and be there for her because I knew she just had to go through it. Anyway, two weekends ago, I was sick and pretty tired (I work full time and go to grad school) from my midterms. She text me on Friday night and asked me if I was going to go down to see her, and I told her that I might just go on Saturday or Sunday and just spend the day with her and drive back the same day because I didn’t want to stay over at her friends or parents’ house (where she lives now). She text me back a “Please come

I really want to see you”.. and I decided to go.

So

I got home after work, took a shower and drove three hours just to see my girl. We usually hang out at one of her friends’ place on Friday night

so

we had agreed to meet there. I get there, I knocked on the door to let them know I was coming in and opened the door. To my surprise, the first thing I see when I come into the house is my girlfriend giving a massage to one of her ex’s and then I find out, not from her, they had taken lunch earlier that day too. For some reason, it bothered me a lot, but I am not one to start an argument in front of other people

so

I was able to hold it in and still hang out and have a good time. Maybe it bothered me more than it should have because I had just driven three hours when I was sick and tired and that was not the way I expected to be greeted and I guess I also realized that I don’t really know much about what’s going on with her or what she does. We slept over at her friend’s and she was extremely sweet to me… hugging me, telling me how much she missed me and loves me, etc. Next day she had to work and go to her stepfather’s birthday, but I still asked her to talk to me for a bit before I left town. Well, the talk didn’t go well and we ended up having an argument. I told her that I was feeling like she wasn’t putting as much effort in the relationship as I was and that it didn’t matter how much I tried or how much I wanted it to work, a long distance relationship is not going to work if only one of us is trying. I also told her that seeing her with her ex yesterday made me realize that I didn’t know what was going on with her and that I wanted to be able to connect with my girlfriend not only physically but in a more deeper level, like I wanted to be able to talk to her and know how her day was, etc. I don’t mean that she has to drive or spend money or anything.. all I wanted was to feel that she wanted this to work as much as I do and that it was tiring for me to be doubting if she wanted to be with me or not. She agreed that I was the one putting more effort but she also said that I had to understand it was hard for her to focus sometimes when she was having a hard time focusing on her own life right now and she asked me to be patient. She also mentioned that the only doubts she has are related to her... she feels like she is dragging me down and making me unhappy. I told her that was not true and that I wanted to be with her.

 

Well, ever since then things have gotten worse and my self stem is just low. I tried to be patient as she asked me but last week she hardly text me. And she usually texts me pretty frequent… that’s why I was willing to do a long distance because I felt like our communication was really good. I mean, there I was complaining about how I wanted to be able to talk more with her and then she goes and lowers the communication? When I asked her what was going on, she just avoided the question. I figure she was just busy and maybe she was having one of those withdrawal days when she wants to be left alone. I still drove down on Friday, and I found out that yes, she was working but she still managed to have time to hang out with her friends for the past three days, and I guess that made me realize that maybe she wants to be left alone by me. I still asked her what was going on and if she wanted to be with me and she still said that she loves me and that she does still wants to be with me.

 

I have decided to back off a little bit, I am just going to give her space right now and I guess if she really wants this to work she will come around, right? Or am I overthinking things and making a big deal out of nothing?

 

I am sorry for the long read and I really do appreciate any feedback. Have a great day!!