My boyfriend lied to me, do i tell him i know?

[demi89]

On saturday i was hanging out with my boyfriend and he asked me what i was doing that night, i assumed that i would be with him that night because he had gone out with his friends the night before. But he said that he was going out for dinner with his mum, i asked him what time and he said about 6 o clock. I told him he could come over after dinner if he wanted to and he said that he would let me know because he wasnt sure how long he would be out for dinner for, he said if he doesnt end up coming over then we would do something sunday night for sure as it was a long weekend.

 

So when he was dropping me home that night right before he went to dinner, i asked him what restraunt he was going to, he said he wasnt sure and then he asked where they should go, i suggested mexican. I got home and i waited up until about 11pm and i still hadnt heard from him so i tried to call him and his phone was turned off.

 

The next day he messaged me saying his phone had died, i said okay and asked him what we were going to do that night, he said he wasnt sure and that he would let me know because he was at a friends house and they were going out for drinks, i told him i would pick him up when he was ready and we would go back to his house.

 

At about 5pm i called him because i hadnt heard from him, he told me he had to go to his mums house again that night because she had to talk to him urgently, i offered to take him and he said no. he said his friend would take him and he would call me later. he told me that he had ended up going out the night before after he went to dinner.

 

I called him back about half an hour later because i could tell he was lying to me, i asked him how did he make contact with his friends to meet up with them after dinner the night before if his phone had died, he must have made contact with someone to let them know! he got really angry and said that his friend had come round to his mums house and asked if he wanted to come out with him, he then started accusing me of not trusting him. We ended up getting in a huge fight and we almost broke up. He was being really rude to me and was swearing and yelling at me saying that he couldnt see me that night.

 

I called him back later and found out that he never even went to his mums house to "Talk" and he was still at his friends house. He started yelling again and was telling me to leave him alone and that he just wanted to be with his friends. He told me he would come over in the morning and we would talk.

 

I got a text from him later that night at about 11:30pm saying that i could go over to his house if i wanted to because he had just got home. I then got another one saying "i'll be home in an hour, i know i just said i was home but i didnt mean to say that" nothing was adding up!

 

I went over there and he could tell that i had be crying, we sat down and he said he was really sorry bout everything and that he knows he shoudnt speak to me the way he did and that next time he wanted space he would just tell me straight up. He promised to spend this weekend with me to make up for it.

 

One of my friends came over yesterday and she is also good friends with my boyfriend, she told me that he had asked her to pick him up sunday morning to take him to his car which he had left at his friends house. She said that when she picked him up he told her that he had told me that he was going out for dinner the night before, and she said "Well did you acually go out for dinner?" and he said "no". She also told me that he had invited her and her friends over on sunday night at about 9pm, and at this time he was telling me we couldnt hang out because he was at a friends house!

 

Now i dont know if should tell him i know he lied about going to dinner, i dont understand why he lied! if he had just told me he just wanted to hang with his friends then all of this could have been avoided.. I'm scared its going to start a fight, the past week he has been really nice and sweet and i dont want to ruin that.

i feel so stupid! i was even asking him what restraunt he was going to and he kept on lying to my face! and i had waited up for him that night!

 

What should i do?

[Malenfant]

What should i do?

 

its a no brainer. dump him. he's not interested in hanging out with you.

its true everyone likes their own time and space but getting angry with you isnt on.

now you've found out he was lying and invited your other friends round.

retain your dignity and walk away my dear.

[Ronni_W]

i dont understand why he lied!

Yes, you do understand why he lied...because he already told you why he did it -- he wanted "space" and he lacked the courage and communication skills to just tell you that.

 

If you want to try to rebuild this relationship, I'd suggest you first focus on his need for space rather than on his telling lies to meet his own needs.

That is, for the relationship itself, his need for space is the important piece -- and then, together, you guys need to find ways for each of you to have the 'personal time' necessary.

 

For his personal growth, he needs to figure out more appropriate ways of dealing with his needs than to act untrustworthy. Him using anger to try to manipulate you into not holding him accountable and/or not talking about important matters is another dysfunctional 'coping' method that he needs to get to the bottom of.

 

If he shows little or no interest in doing some growth work, then his relationships will eventually break down due to how he's doing his side of things.

 

For your part, it sounds as if you can also stand to do some work around feeling confident enough to stand up and speak out for yourself, and communicate your own thoughts, feelings and things you know assertively and with confidence (rather than letting someone else's lies and anger throw you off.)

 

Hugs and best of luck.

[2sunny]

he lies. that's a deal breaker for me.

 

he's not interested enough to make time for you - his priority is no longer you. exit while you still have your self respect. tell him the truth. he needs to know you expect and deserve more than he is willing to bring to the table. you deserve it.

 

don't settle. dump him. he's a jerk.

[Lauriebell82]

"He's just not that into you."

 

I'm so sorry, he is a jerk though! You are better off without him. Break up with him and find someone who cares about you and WANTS to spend time with you. I truley believe that when a guy starts making excuses not to hang out with you then he no longer is interested in the relationship. It does sound like you were putting some pressure on him, BUT he shouldn't have to be pressured to spend time with his gf.

 

Again, I'm very sorry.

[jenifer1972]

It sounds to me like he is too cowardly to break up with you so he is trying to 'do the big fade' and also trying to get you to break up with him so he doesn't have to look like the bad guy. Overall, very immature behavior on his part.

[whichwayisup]

Some guys act like big jerks to try to piss off their girlfriends so they'll get mad enough to break up with them. It's a cowards way out and your bf is doing this to you.

 

He's lying, avoiding and being a jerk.

 

Or, he just needs some space and doesn't want to spend every waking minute seeing or talking to you. Try backing off and let him call you. Or just tell him you're sick of how he's been and break up with him.

 

Whatever you do, don't call him, text him, or email him.