acarmichael Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 I was in an LDR with a girl in Washington St and I am in Missouri. Things were going great and I even went up to see her for a week which was the best 5 days of my life. She started having a lot of family problems and we both decided that it would be best to take a break so she could have time to sort everything out. We both love each other very much to the point of already talking about possible kids in a few years. The thing is she doesn't want to leave her family and friends behind. I have never asked her to do this, but me being the guy should want to go where she is anyway just because it would make more sense. She is almost making decisions for me before ever asking me how i feel. I think that she is so afraid of us not working out that she is already preparing herself for the worst and not willing to give it a try. It would be a few more years before i could make the move closer to her, but I love her too much to let her go that easily. She isn't looking for a way out, I think she loves me so much that she is afraid that if we don't work out then we will both be hurt. How can I get her to see that it doesn't matter how far away I am? Or that I know 100% that we will work out...? please help and thank you... Link to post Share on other sites
allornothing Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 The simple answer is...you just can't. From personal experience i can say that. LDR are very hard in general. All you can do is to keep doing what you are doing, reassure her from time to time but i would doubt if you could ease her fears completely. Nobody knows for sure that things are going to work out. We can think it and try our bests but nothing is 100% sure. Also, i'm sure since you are moving out to her makes her more nervous because if something does go wrong it adds a little more guilt on her shoulders. (even if you have no worries and think it's an unfounded guilt.) Try a little bit more to reassure her but in the end only she can decide if this is something she can handle and that part sucks because you sound like an awsome guy willing to make the sacrifices it'll take to make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I had to leave my boyfriend for college many years ago, only to make it an LDR, which was hard but I promised him we would make it work. We put all the effort we could into that, but, it didnt work. It's easy to think there is no chance that it couldn't, but the truth is you don't know if it could really work or not (in terms of being LDR for the next few years)... But yes she should consider the fact that you are so able to do whatever it takes to keep it going and get it right....just be honest, it's a risk , do we love each other enough to take the risk? If it's a few years before you could move anyway, might as well just see how it plays out for now, and decide later if this is a step you both want to make. Maybe you just overwhelmed her a little with trying to map out the details so far ahead of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 That says a lot about you that you are willing to move to where she is to be with her someday. In the meantime just keep up communication and visit each other every chance you get. I'm sure she knows you love her but is just scared as you say. LDR's are very scary indeed. It's tough being so far away from someone you truly love. If it's meant to be it WILL work out though. Hang in there and I wish you the best of luck. Just think of how strong your relationship will be if you can make it through the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Cora's right they are scary..she isn't sharing your optimism about the relationship so naturally that sucks for you...makes it harder for you...to you it doesn't seem like such a hard thing to figure out...but I guess she's disagreeing with ya, in her own way...she just must have reasons to think something could go wrong.., I don't know...but apparently she thinks it's just all easier said than done... Maybe if you admit you are a little scared too, she'll at least feel like you are more on her level, but you can still remind her how optimistic you are at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
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