dialated Posted December 3, 2002 Share Posted December 3, 2002 This is what I am interested in reading more about--unconditional love. I would like to read how you define it. How does it differ? Who can share it? Can friends have it between them? if so, how would that differ than between lovers? Anything at all you feel on the topic of unconditional love would be greatly appreciated, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 3, 2002 Share Posted December 3, 2002 Unconditional love ONLY exists between parents and offspring. Insinctual influences bring the mother and father to love the child no matter what as part of the survival process. There is some measure of unconditional love between siblings but this isn't a pure type. All other love in the world comes with conditions. In romantic love, if the other person does not make us feel special or fulfill certain needs, there will be no love or the love that was there will die. In filial love, or the love for a friend, we will only love that friend while we are getting something out of it...whether it be emotional support, companionship, or good feelings. This love can last for many years, even when friends are apart, but it does not resemble unconditional love in any way. If a friend hurts us repeatedly, most sane people will terminate that relationship. When children hurt parents, the unconditional love is still there. Agape love, or the love we have for God or any deity, is sort of unconditional but exists only if you subscribe to it. Most people will agree that the Gods love us unconditionally...but it doesn't stop them from wiping some of us out in natural disasters, accidents, fires, volcanoes, hurricanes, floods, and all other "acts of God." Sorry, but if it's unconditional love you seek...enjoy the company of your parents for as long as they're alive. When they're gone, your source of it is gone. Period! POSTSCRIPT: I think love should be exactly like it is. People should have to earn the love of others. It's a very special thing and shouldn't be received freely without hitches. It's nice to think that people love others regardless but the basic truth is they don't. Show love to others and they will love you. Be nasty to others and they won't even like you. Plain and simple, the way it should be. My favorite Beatle's quote: "And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 3, 2002 Share Posted December 3, 2002 There is no one perception of unconditional love. What I see as unconditional may be viewed by someone else as having conditions since the "conditions" of a relationship are subjective. My dogs love me unconditionally. I love them the same way. Would I get rid of them if they bit me. They have - I'm wearing a cast now because a couple weeks ago one bit thru my arm and nicked the bone. I still love them - Unconditionally. Just as you said about a parent's love for their child. My husband and I love each other without condition too. It didn't start out that way, but that is how it is now. If he cheated on me it would break my heart - but it would not stop me from loving him and vice versa. Does he always make me feel special? No - but I feel special because I love him, I enjoy loving him. I know he loves me too, but he didn't always and I still enjoyed loving him and I still gave 100% of myself to him even when I received nothing in return. It was and is wonderful. Was I codependent? No. Was I a doormat? No. Did my whole world revolve around him? No - I had & have other activities and friends. I read something about making a successful marriage - I read it about 40 years ago. It said "Give 100% of yourself to your mate and expect nothing in return" It was really difficult to expect nothing -- that can build resentment, but we tempered that with realistic and materialist expectations and arranged our priorities and it works well for us. If my husband began drinking. I would still love him, and I would help him. Same with abuse or other behaviors that are not acceptable. I've loved other people, but there were some behaviors or attitudes that were just not acceptable to me. Therefore I didn't love them enough to forge a life-long relationship. I do believe in unconditional love without it being codependent. There is a fine line there and if you read up on codependency you may see what I mean. At one point in my marriage, I can pin-point it--but can't explain it here, we crossed a line from a true and total love to one with no conditions. I can't explain it very well, but I know that there is true and unconditional love between people. You just gotta know what is a "condition" to you and the other person, and what is not. True and unconditional love can't be turned on and off or influenced by outside events. It can be masked with anger or bitterness or resentment, but the underlying love remains. A spouse may divorce you and change your life, but that doesn't mean that the love changes. Is it possible for an unconditional love to dwindle or end? Yes, I think so, but not because some condition was violated, perhaps it just dies naturally or fades because it is onesided and not nurtured. Such as with the death of a partner. Love between siblings - well, you may have read some of my posts in which I mention my sister. I can't stand her and if she died it would not hurt me, she is a horrible person and we have never been close. My brother, on the other hand, and I have never been really close as children (12 year age difference) but whatever he needs, I'll be there. We made a relationship as adults and we know we can count on each other. Even though he's too floopy and undependable. But that doesn't matter - I'm happy to help him. I guess there is one condition and that is that he doesn't treat our mom the way our sister has, although even if he did I would still help him out if he needed me, I just wouldn't enjoy it so much but I wouldn't love him any less. But I think others can and have found their own unconditional love with their brothers & sisters. Whew! Is that wishy-washy or what! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 3, 2002 Share Posted December 3, 2002 No, we agree. What you have written sounds nice and reasonable for you. Others may not respond quite the same way. But, unless you are totally and insanely insecure there are things your husband could do to you or to others that would make you hate him or not love him anymore...I promise. Unconditional love has no conditions. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 3, 2002 Share Posted December 3, 2002 I will always love him. No matter what. There are things he could do that would tear me apart and make me angry and I would hate the things he did, the most horrible thing I can think of is to hurt or kill my dogs or any animal, but I would still LOVE him and that would be the source of so much hurt. But I would still love him. We've been through a lot -- much more than I could ever say here or tell anyone, but we came out the other side. I kinda think that part of an unconditional love is a decision and maybe a rearrangement of conditions so that they no longer factor in. I can't explain it. He could hurt me, or I could hurt him, but it wouldn't change the fact that we love each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dialated Posted December 3, 2002 Author Share Posted December 3, 2002 Thank you 2 very much for your responses. They are both very interesting and informative. This topic has come up recently between myself and this girl I was dating. She has been one of my closest friends for 4 years and we dated for the last 7 months, but recently ended that. I am not sure if we will get back together--as friends or as lovers. She is opening my eyes to a lot of things; which is why I asked for some input on this topic...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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