Building a support system...

[Lights]

I've discovered that I really need to learn to build support systems outside my family and whatever friends I once had (who are now long gone).

 

The other activity buddies, former workmates, etc. I've had aren't really so accessible. So easy to not find them or hear back from them. Naturally they and I and everyone have lives, but it's tough to even find someone to even bounce ideas off of, let alone speak anything personal with. Even the ones I could speak more personally with are now pretty much gone from my life, despite attempts to reach out.

 

Of course, it's easy for me to whine about that part of the situation when I'm the one who's falling apart. Then again, it's not like I've ever even been able to get close enough to most people these days for me to even be able to offer comparable help, though, were such a situation to apply.

 

I just wish I had people I could talk to besides my family. I've been using the internet as a surrogate, but there are limits to what I or people across the internet can do there.

 

For those who've been successful at doing this sort of thing, how did you do it?

[Island Girl]

I hope somebody replies to this. I have the same issue because one major chapter in my life has been on hold for 7 years.

 

SoI still have close friends but a lot in our lives isn't the same whereas it used to be so we don't speak as often.

 

I find I need to add a couple more people. I don't ask for contact info because I never have had to in the past and I second guess myself I think.

 

In any event it is difficult.

[Lights]

I hope somebody replies to this. I have the same issue because one major chapter in my life has been on hold for 7 years.

 

SoI still have close friends but a lot in our lives isn't the same whereas it used to be so we don't speak as often.

 

I find I need to add a couple more people. I don't ask for contact info because I never have had to in the past and I second guess myself I think.

 

In any event it is difficult.

 

Sorry to hear that. I wish I could advise, but (as you know) I'm stuck there too.

[Island Girl]

Sorry to hear that. I wish I could advise, but (as you know) I'm stuck there too.

 

I know. I wish I had some suggestions for you too.

 

But I guess no one does. No replies at all.

[Lights]

Has anyone here solved this sort of thing in their lives?

[HappyAgain]

My situation used to be like this. Then I opened up with some coworkers and I've been best friends for a few years now.

 

Have you ever looked into joining clubs? This way you can meet people that you know will share some interests with you. I've done this too after my recent breakup and I have made some really good friends. A support group for separated people is another great idea because they will want to talk to you and listen to the problems you are having after a breakup.

[Lights]

My situation used to be like this. Then I opened up with some coworkers and I've been best friends for a few years now.

 

Have you ever looked into joining clubs? This way you can meet people that you know will share some interests with you. I've done this too after my recent breakup and I have made some really good friends. A support group for separated people is another great idea because they will want to talk to you and listen to the problems you are having after a breakup.

 

Congratulations on your success there!

 

Unfortunately, as I mentioned in my original post, my former co-workers as well as my old activity-buddies are pretty much no longer accessible. Haven't heard much of anything back from any of them, and even when I see activity buddies in places where I do the stuff, they aren't really much besides that; people doing stuff in the same place that I happen to be in.

 

I'm not separated or involved in a breakup or anything. This had been going on a while, and a combination of job loss, confusion about the future, and several other troubles have snowballed the matter a lot.

[HappyAgain]

Congratulations on your success there!

 

Unfortunately, as I mentioned in my original post, my former co-workers as well as my old activity-buddies are pretty much no longer accessible. Haven't heard much of anything back from any of them, and even when I see activity buddies in places where I do the stuff, they aren't really much besides that; people doing stuff in the same place that I happen to be in.

 

I'm not separated or involved in a breakup or anything. This had been going on a while, and a combination of job loss, confusion about the future, and several other troubles have snowballed the matter a lot.

 

Then look into clubs to join in your area. Like I mentioned you'll meet people who share at least one interest. There are resources on the Net nowadays to find out out about all kinds of clubs and groups in a community.

[climbergirl]

I have to ask why NOT find support with your family. They know you so well, can give constuctive criticism w/o you feeling that they are attacking, and you know they (hopefully) have your best interest at heart.

 

I do think that support comes in all forms.

 

My nursing friends are more about getting me back to myself, and encourage me to forget about whatever is bothering me. But I rarely call them when I'm really upset.

 

My roommate will always listen, but never brings things up or really has an opinion. I just vent. Need advice? Definately not the person to go to.

 

My family is a combination of the two. My sister literally forced me out to vegas and refused to let me lament on anything for the first day, and then asked me what happened when we had a solemn moment. I was having too much fun to even talk about it.

 

I'm just trying to say that all these people in your life you have to gauge what kind of support you can get from them. They all have their purpose, but to me, all are important.

 

Maybe I should be asking what kind of support are you looking for--any of the above three?

[climbergirl]

I also want to add that finding support on the internet is almost as good---save for being able to hang out with them.

 

Particularily if you find one specific to your situation. I like this site, but it's kind of all over the place.

 

It's nice to find one that gives you an "ah ha" moment with every post.

[Lights]

I have to ask why NOT find support with your family. They know you so well, can give constuctive criticism w/o you feeling that they are attacking, and you know they (hopefully) have your best interest at heart.

 

I do think that support comes in all forms.

 

My nursing friends are more about getting me back to myself, and encourage me to forget about whatever is bothering me. But I rarely call them when I'm really upset.

 

My roommate will always listen, but never brings things up or really has an opinion. I just vent. Need advice? Definately not the person to go to.

 

My family is a combination of the two. My sister literally forced me out to vegas and refused to let me lament on anything for the first day, and then asked me what happened when we had a solemn moment. I was having too much fun to even talk about it.

 

I'm just trying to say that all these people in your life you have to gauge what kind of support you can get from them. They all have their purpose, but to me, all are important.

 

Maybe I should be asking what kind of support are you looking for--any of the above three?

 

Pretty much. Sometimes I wish I had sources of advice and points of view besides my family and/or proxies of theirs. (And preferably ones that are better than them or than me.) And it'd be good to be able to actually trust people with things and be able to get myself back to myself, to use your phrase.

 

I've relied on my family for too much; it can really get frustrating over time. I really need to learn to find other sources.

 

 

I also want to add that finding support on the internet is almost as good---save for being able to hang out with them.

 

Particularily if you find one specific to your situation. I like this site, but it's kind of all over the place.

 

It's nice to find one that gives you an "ah ha" moment with every post.

 

Yeah, ideally at least. This forum has at times been a help too. But I know that I cannot spend too much time behind a screen in my life. It's painful.