newguy Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 Ok this sounds bad but I have a problem with a girl I have started dating. We met but live in different cities. When we met it was great and fun. We parted and met up again for a week and that was great. She is fun, caring and has a great personality but now I am finding that her size is a problem for me. She isn't too big but I think she could look a lot better if she looses 10 - 15lbs and tones up. I find that this situation may be clouding my judgement about how to progress with this relationship. Am I just too shallow and should forget about it. I would love her to get into exercise and loose the weight and tone up but don't know how to say it or see if she would. Does anyone have any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 I don't think you are being too shallow. Physical attraction is a very important part of a relationship and if it's not there, the relationship simply won't work. There is no discrete or kind way to tell a woman she needs to lose weight and firm up. That's a button you don't ever want to push unless you're a glutton for harsh punishment. Suggest that the two of you join a gym together and get involved in aerobic exercises with her. Do things with her that will cause her to tone up and lose weight without her knowing that is your objectiive. If she won't participate, your last resort is just to lay it right on the line. You won't have anything to lose at that point. If she wants to lose weight and keep the relationship, fine. If not, move on. Your only problem here is that weight loss in most people is a temporary thing. There is a great likelihood that any woman you may ever marry will gain weight after marriage, especially after having children. If you are extremely adamant about having your woman toned and at the right weight, you better get with somebody who is majorly into physical fitness. People change and as they age, they put on the pounds....men and women. I've seen many men with pot bellies and I don't know how their wives can handle that sort of unattractiveness but they do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 Ok as someone who needs and is losing a few pounds let me give you some advice..... STAY OUT OF IT. It would be ok if you told her you like to bike or something and want her to go along with you, but under NO circumstances tell a woman she needs to lose weight. She sees herself naked every day, she knows far better than you do. Yeah you'd be considered shallow, but I mean, there's nothing you could do about it. Since she's a new girlfriend, it's not like you are in love or anything. If you were, her size wouldn't matter. I would just get her involved in activities that you are already involved or intrested in. DO NOT jokingly say she has some to lose, is flabby or anything of that nature, you will turn her off completely and probably lose a girlfriend. Most people who get in a happy relationship will gain a few pounds...it's normal. However, no one can lose weight or improve themselves physically unless THEY CHOOSE AND WANT TO. You can say it til you are blue in the face, and if she is anything like a lot of women, she'll just do it more to prove to you that you can't control her or tell her what to do. It's her body, and although I'm sure you'd like her to be healthier or whatever, it's really not your business....because she could be PERFECT around you, but as soon as you leave, she has the power to run to the ice cream. Inspire her, don't insult her. Girls are EXTREMELY sensative about their weight, no matter if they are really skinny or really large, and if their man makes a comment about it, it usually really hurts them and makes it worse. Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 10-15 lbs overweight is not that much. It sounds like you want a really fit and trim woman. I think that is fine but maybe you should find someone who is all ready fit, trim and likes it that way. Do you like this woman as she is or do you like her for her potential? You could try doing some active things with her but I think if you can't accept her as she is now, then you are just asking for trouble. You've just met her and you really have no place asking her to change for you. It's not like she was one way when you met and has suddenly gained 15 lbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 The worst thing anyone can do is get in a relationship to change just a few little minor things. They may seem minor to you, but they aren't minor to them. Instead of wasting your time with this "Almost Perfect" girl, find the perfect girl, and save both of your time and emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 i think helping her to get more active would be only nice of u. extra-weight makes a person's life unpleasant in a ton of ways, do she'll only be thankful in the end. however, do NOT tell her anything about her weight - just invite her to do active stuff, ask her to join yr gym cuz that could be fun, etc. DONT pressure her into anything. either she'll go along w/ it and lose weight ... or u'll get past this issue and it wont matter to you anymore ... or she'll disagree & it'll bother you and u'll break up. those are the three options. i think u'll be able to tell fairly soon if the 3rd one is the one that's going to happen - u'll know as soon as u start taking her out to do active stuff ... good luck! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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