family obligations/

[Crystal]

i am wondering if i am being selfish in this:

my fiancee's gramma's sister is having a 50th anniversary dinner today!

 

i did not want to go from the get-go as i hate those things.

but his gramma and him insisted i go as part of the family.

 

so today i am feeling like crap cause i 'HAVE' to do to this thing or they will be upset with me.

 

if i was not so tired maybe i could handle it better.

my dr. has me on depakote for anxiety now.

and i am tired from lack of sleep as it kept me awake

last night.

 

if i wasnt so tired maybe i would feel more like going.

i went from being hyPO thyroid to hyPER thyroid and went

through some very intense anxiety spells from turning hyPER.

 

he was very supportive about the whole thing and now that i am doing better again, he sees no reason for my not going.

 

anyway, am i being selfish?

[yes]

why dont u just go enjoy the dinner?

i'm sure it's not going to be an all-night-long party for a 50th anniversary...

besides, u might feel more energized once u get there...

if i were u, i'd be worrying about what the hell i'm gonna wear so that everybody compliments my fiance

 

i dont think being selfish is the issue here, by the way. family stuff if family stuff. u kind of have to go. that's how it goes.

 

have a good one,

-yes

[Tony T]

It's real easy for other people who have never been in your shoes to give you advice to go and have a good time or whatever. But the fact is that no other human being alive will ever fully understand exactly how you feel.

 

In my adulthood, I have taken the position that as long as I don't hurt, insult, inconvenience or otherwise affect the lives of others in a negative way, I will do whatever the hell I please. I stubbornly refuse to be guilt induced by other people who want to manipulate me into doing what THEY think I ought to do. Neither do I try to control others in any way, shape or form. My life is not affected in any way by whether or not others go anywhere, anytime. I can have a great time all by myself.

 

Now I am a decent guy and I show up at places I feel it is proper for me to go to...but, if on the day of the event I don't feel like it, I just DON'T go.

 

If you don't feel like going to this event, resolve yourself to the fact that NO OTHER HUMAN ALIVE will understand just how you feel physically. Don't even respond to their crap. Govern your actions by the way you feel.

 

In 100 years, we'll all be gone and some family get-together won't even be a tiny blip on the Milky Way radar screen. So if it won't matter then, and in fact it won't even matter tomorrow, why should you or anybody else make such a big deal out of your attendance anywhere today???

 

And if people start thinking you're anti-social, you'll join the ranks of Howard Hughes, Charlie Chaplin, Marlon Brando, many other great movie and TV stars, etc. I dare your fiance to try to get the ones who are still alive to go somewhere.

 

I'm also going to tell you now. If you can't get your fiance to be totally understanding about how your condition causes mood changes, fatigue, confusion, etc. at times, then you need to review your status with him. You need a guy who will totally understand your condition...or at least respect your feelings when you aren't doing well.

[Crystal]

ya know tony, one day we will be dead and gone from this earth, and in the mean time i keep trying to remind myself that each day that i spend hiding from the world, living with my fears, phobia's and anxiety is just another wasted day in my life..

 

sad but true....

i just dont know how to live it.

sad but true again....

 

how does one live and enjoy life through a constant state

of physical imolbilization.???

 

the type of anxiety i have is mainly physical, as in it makes me so tense that i walk around like a robot!

 

it sucks all the way around...i literally have to tell my body to chill.

it does for only a moment at a time then i have to do it over and over again.

 

not a fun way to live at all....

i'm hoping beyond all hope that the depakote will help with the anxiety and soon!

 

i am just not comfortable in certain situations and family things are one of them, at least not all the time.

 

my guy thinks that since i am barely working parttime that i should do these things that he wants me to do.

 

he has chores for me at home to do, little things that need to be done, so that is how i earn my keep since i dont make enough money to help with bills, etc.....

 

there are alot of things i have experienced that i would not of if it had not been for him, but on the other hand these same things cause me alot of stress..

 

for instance we went to a concert last night i know he wanted to go so bad, so i bought the tickets as a father's day gift (from the dog and cats), and i took the depakote early in the evening before the concert...

 

i had such a good time! i was totally like somebody else i didnt even know!

 

it made me hyper tho and i was not able to sleep until after 12:30, something very rare for me to stay up that late...

 

so i went and i was a good sport about the whole thing...

then today i felt hung over (i dont drink) and was very tired and when i am very tired i cannot think straight or see straight.

 

i told him i was going to take a nap and see how i felt..

i really didnt want to go anyway so i told him later that i had a job come in and went to that so i didnt have to go then..

 

so i lied...sucks to do that, i feel awful lying to hm, i feel awful feeling like i have to lie to him..

 

i guess in a way he keeps me responsible by having me do things to earn my keep, tho i would rather work at a full time job then do things for him cause it makes me feel like a little kid....

 

but i cant find any full time work around here right now, they all say come back after school starts again..

 

so anyway what it always come's down to is he thinks that when i dont want to do something it is because i want to sit at home all day on the computer..

 

not true! even if i had no computer because at one time i didnt, i still would not want to do half the things he wants to do..

maybe after the depakote gets through me some more i will feel more like it, but until then, maybe we are just with the wrong person....

 

thanks again for your advice...sorry i wrote a book to you...

[Crystal]

that was a very nice response, and it made me re-consider not going, but it was short lived..

 

i replyed to tony down below with a more detailed explanation of why i didnt want to go..

 

most of it is because of the anxiety attacks i get...

 

he knows about this but he sees me sitting at home content as can be and thinks that that is the way that i am..

 

the way i show on the outside is rarely the way i feel on the inside....

 

thank your for the help tho...i hope one day i can use that great advice and show off his fiancee!

 

hehehe

[quankanne]

"how does one live and enjoy life through a constant state of physical immobilization???"

 

It's called taking baby steps, Crystal. Like when a baby first gets about -- he doesn't go from turning over to crawling to running races (although some of my friends swear it's possible!). Nope, he starts out taking tiny little baby steps until his confidence is built up and he's walking. The good news is, it applies to all of us, no mater what the situation is. If something looks overwhelming to you, that's okay, because you've got the choice to take baby steps in overcoming that feeling of overwhelmedness, and even better, you don't have to pace yourself by anyone's standards but your own.

 

A suggestion ... if you still find yourself unable to be present at his auntie's party, why not send her a lovely card with some thoughtful stuff written inside. While I'm sure that she'll get a kick out of the celebration, it'll be equally nice whipping out your card/letter and enjoying it at her convenience, over and over.