Obsessive Love?

[ilw357]

Myself and a girl have had a relationship for a little over a year. Every so often she tells me she feels that I'm obsessive. I'm just wondering what others may have to say about this. I've been diagnosed OCD and depressive to some extent and I'm a very romantic person as it stands, which all may show some obsessive attributes.

 

Her complaint is that when we get into arguments and the relationship isn't going well (our arguments almost always turn into yelling matches or else we just completely stop talking), I find it very hard to concentrate or be able to DO anything. School work/any work becomes extremely difficult, and it's gone as far as to say I can't function when this happens.

 

I tend to drive aimlessly around or go hang out with friends to take my mind off of the argument.

 

I previously read this document off of a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_love and though I've seen a few similarities I'm still not convinced. What I've seen in myself is.

 

An overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless thoughts of a partner walking out on the relationship in favor of another person.

---- I do worry that she might leave for someone else, but that never affects our relationship it's just one of those thoughts up in my head that doesn't come out.

 

Strong feelings of mistrust begin to emerge, causing depression, resentment and relational tension.

---- I worry about what happens when I'm gone, usually concerning her friends, especially when they've been drinking. I don't trust many of her friends at all. It doesn't cause depression/resentment/tension persay, I get aggravated that she won't promise to stay out of trouble.

 

Neurotic, compulsive behaviors, including rapid telephone calls to love interest's place of residence or workplace.

---- When we get into arguments where she won't speak to me I tend to call 3 or 4 times or text message her phone trying to get her to speak to me. That includes voice messages where I've cried.

 

"Drive-bys" around a love interest's home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where "he or she is supposed to be."

---- I did this once, because I was driving by where she said she was going to be anyway (she was right down the street from my house) so I drove in the little strip mall area and looked in the window just to see her.

 

Extreme control tactics, including questioning a love interest's commitment to the relationship (guilt trips) with the goal of manipulating a love interest into providing more attention.

---- When we get into arguments and I'm mad I tend to spout out whatever she's doing at the time to make me feel however I'm feeling, most of the time saying it in rather mean ways. Also comparing what I do for her to what she doesn't do for me, though I believe I've stopped myself doing that in the past few months.

 

Overwhelming feelings of depression (feeling "empty" inside).

---- Like I said in the beginning, her complaint is that I tend to not be able to function because I'm upset/depressed over our fights.

 

Extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred.

---- At times I get pissed off at myself for not being able to handle our relationship as well, and for getting all twisted up over things I see are really minor afterwards and I should've have just sucked it up. I tend to blame myself, telling myself I should be able to handle everything and make the relationship easier for her.

 

The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to "medicate" the emotional pain.

---- On rare occassion I've used alcohol, because I've been upset. I believe that's also the 18 year old in me, just wants to drink anyways.

 

I really need to know whether to believe her in that I'm obsessive, and what others make of the behaviors I show. I have always thought the behaviors and things I do have been fairly normal if not just somewhat worry-wortish. If I am truly obsessive, then I need to give her a clean break so she can start over and get into a more healthy relationship. I admit our relationship has never been near close to perfect, we're both extremely stubborn and stuck in our own ways, so we butt heads a little bit more than some relationships. I love her very much though, if I'm truly obsessive then she needs to be in a more healthy relationship.

[Tarantula]

You are NORMAL

 

 

 

as I wanna think I am Normal 2

(for instance)

 

 

God bless!