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I think I have had enough with my boyfriend.


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Old 18th August 2008, 10:37 AM   #1
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I think I have had enough with my boyfriend.

I believe I have had enough with the relationship, we have known each other for five years, been dating since early January.

He mainly lives in the city but most weekends he will come to town to stay at his parents' town house.

So I mainly spend time with him for a few days that is until he gets his holidays he comes over and spends time for a week or two.

At first I didn't notice anything wrong with our relationship, I thought oh well it's a long distance thing. But I notice now it's getting tough.

For example, we talk maybe once or twice a week on the phone as we wouldn't have much to say if it was everyday plus our bills would be expensive.

A few weeks ago, while we were out at a resturant he asked if I would be interested in going with him to his brother's and sister's birthday party. I was a little flustered and was going to give my answer when he looked away and said "I shouldn't of asked."

I asked "What do you mean, why you taking it back?" he gave me a look and asked in tone which came across as saracastic "Do you know how to scuba dive?"

I honestly answered no, I never been suba diving before, although I would like to learn.

Then he changed subject so I didn't want to make a big deal over it.

Today I ran into his mother and she was excited about the joint party and that they were going to the beach house. I told her it seemed great She then told me that her other son was bringing his two children and a friend, while her daughter was bringing two friends and her husband and children.

I started to feel really ashamed. Because it seems my boyfriend hasn't explained to his mother that we are dating. As she didn't ask if Ethan (my boyfriend) asked if I wanted to go.

This is just one of many things I'm having trouble with undestanding in this relationship.

Most weekends he comes over but there are weekends where he goes and plays poker at the casino in the city.

I'm tired of it all.

Sorry for making this long. I love him, but right now I just don't think I can handle this situation. It feels like it is unfair on me. Because he knows how I feel and yet he does things like this to me.

I'm thinking of spending time with myself, (not that I don't do that anyways but I mean to spend time to get to no myself).

What course of action should I take?

SK.
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Old 18th August 2008, 11:55 AM   #2
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It seems to me that you already know what you want. You are not fulfilled in the relationship (understandably) and want time for yourself. Like you already know the answer to your own question, perhaps you came here because you might be hoping that someone suggests ways to save the relationship?

If you don't feel you've had enough of "getting to know yourself", then by all means you should change that. If you don't, it can affect any relationship you have in the future. And clearly, there's no reason to continue your current one if you feel this way. Your bf may nor may not be understanding about it; tell yourself it's your plan no matter how he reacts. Stick to what you say.
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Old 18th August 2008, 12:24 PM   #3
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Why just up and break up with him? If you like this guy, TALK TO HIM about how you feel. Ask him why he hasn't told his mom about you. Open up and be honest. To just walk away without giving him a chance, giving yourself a chance, the relationship itself a chance, well, you could regret that one day.

Quote:
he asked if I would be interested in going with him to his brother's and sister's birthday party
He did ask you.

Quote:
I started to feel really ashamed. Because it seems my boyfriend hasn't explained to his mother that we are dating. As she didn't ask if Ethan (my boyfriend) asked if I wanted to go.
Is it possible she knows, but he already told her that you seemed uncomfortable about going so not to bring it up if she ran into you?
Need to ask, why did you feel flustered?
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Old 18th August 2008, 12:32 PM   #4
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WWIU has good advice. But I'm still hung up on the part where you say you want time to get to know yourself. If you think you need it, then you do. Or, maybe you two should just take some time and space for a week or 2. Tell him how you are feeling, and talk about the possiblities. But if it doesn't get you anywhere, your back to square 1. That's when I'd say just end it.
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Old 18th August 2008, 12:38 PM   #5
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Hey Whichway,

Well I was flustered cause I haven't meet his siblings and their families before. I was going to say yes, but as I said his mother mentioned it but she didn't ask why I didnt want to go, so I left it at that.

I ment that I needed to find time within myself because I feel I need some growing up to do. I'm still a dependent person, I am a spoilt person. I never learnt to do things for myself, I mean I can dress myself etc but I don't know how to cook etc.

It seems that I need to feel like i need to speak as if I'm my age (I'm 25) not as if I'm a teenager, well most of the time I sound sooky.

That is what i ment that I need to find myself. I need to find that mature 25 year old that is waiting to come out and push the 15 year old out of the way.

My boyfriend is 37. The reason I said I felt ashamed was because my boyfriend and I sleep together but his mother doesn't like it. One time I stayed at the parents house and his mother insisted I sleep in the spare room.

Last edited by SourKisses; 18th August 2008 at 12:43 PM..
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Old 18th August 2008, 1:27 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourKisses View Post
Hey Whichway,

Well I was flustered cause I haven't meet his siblings and their families before. I was going to say yes, but as I said his mother mentioned it but she didn't ask why I didnt want to go, so I left it at that.

I ment that I needed to find time within myself because I feel I need some growing up to do. I'm still a dependent person, I am a spoilt person. I never learnt to do things for myself, I mean I can dress myself etc but I don't know how to cook etc.

It seems that I need to feel like i need to speak as if I'm my age (I'm 25) not as if I'm a teenager, well most of the time I sound sooky.

That is what i ment that I need to find myself. I need to find that mature 25 year old that is waiting to come out and push the 15 year old out of the way.

My boyfriend is 37. The reason I said I felt ashamed was because my boyfriend and I sleep together but his mother doesn't like it. One time I stayed at the parents house and his mother insisted I sleep in the spare room.
I think that might be a common thing with n-laws...don't know.

But again, you've made yourself pretty clear of what you want. Now you just have to tell him what that is, and let him give feedback. Keep it civil as much as poss. Either way, only do what feels right.
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Old 20th August 2008, 3:24 PM   #7
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It sounds like he doesn't appreciate you that much (or atleast he doesn't know how to show it). Maybe a breakup would give him a good reality check.
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