what are some signs that a person isn't relationship material?

[supertouch]

here are a few signs i should have recognized before getting into a "relationship" with the most heartless "woman" i've encountered.

 

1. got out of a relationship within months of meeting you. in this case, it was a marriage

 

2. still cries (literally) about how she doesn't have a family for her child

 

3. refuses to resolve arguments and problems and expects you to be able to go to sleep mad.

 

4. seeks out acquaintances and flirts with them while you are two are "involved"

 

what are some signs you wish you would have realized?

[McFadden]

Just someone who does not have the same beliefs about very important things or has future plans that are not compatable with my plans.

[Herzen]

1. Overt signs of emotional instability including, but not limited, to, depression or bipolar disorder.

 

2. Fat.

 

3.Extremely needy, dependent and incapable of being alone.

 

4. Anorexic.

 

5. No sense of humor.

 

6. Desperate for a relationship, any relationship.

 

7. No interest in the outside world.

 

8. No sense of irony.

 

9. Racist, anti-semitic or radical islamist.

 

10. Addicted to LoveShack.

[Pyro]

-If they aren't too concerned with you meeting his/her friends and/or family

 

-Doesn't open up emotionally

[Trialbyfire]

If everyone posted their wish list, by the time this is done, no one would be relationship material.

 

Red flags are individual specific.

[Curmudgeon]

1. Overt signs of emotional instability including, but not limited, to, depression or bipolar disorder.

 

My wife is bipolar type 2. Guess I should have simply ignored the fact that we were former coworkers who admired and respected one another. Guess the fact that we were friends for five years before I ever asked her out for the first time doesn't count. Guess the fact that she cooperates with her treatment isn't important. I suppose the fact that she's my professional, educational, intellectual and spiritual equal counts for nothing. Oh! And I must be kidding myself when I think the past 11 years we've been married have been the best years of my adult life.

 

Talk about an ignorant, shallow and stigmatizing statement!!!

[Lizzie60]

here are a few signs i should have recognized before getting into a "relationship" with the most heartless "woman" i've encountered.

 

this does not apply to me... I have no regrets about my 2 long-term relationships... but for future ones... (IF there IS A FUTURE ONE. ha-hemmm...)

 

but red flags for me would be:

 

- narrow-minded

- sexist

- macho

- clingy and dependent

- no confidence

[McFadden]

Talk about an ignorant, shallow and stigmatizing statement!!!

 

But I think that was his personal list not meant to apply to everyone. Maybe he feels he can't handle someone with that disorder for whatever reasons.

 

That isn't on my list of red flags either. Most of the people I've dated or wanted to date had some type of disorder personality or otherwise.

[Herzen]

My wife is bipolar type 2. Guess I should have simply ignored the fact that we were former coworkers who admired and respected one another. Guess the fact that we were friends for five years before I ever asked her out for the first time doesn't count. Guess the fact that she cooperates with her treatment isn't important. I suppose the fact that she's my professional, educational, intellectual and spiritual equal counts for nothing. Oh! And I must be kidding myself when I think the past 11 years we've been married have been the best years of my adult life.

 

Talk about an ignorant, shallow and stigmatizing statement!!!

 

Get off your high horse o' politically correct one. These are my criteria, not yours or Dr. Phil's. And if my relationship blockers don't meet your sensitive, highbrow Oprahish standards , as they say in the biz, tough sh#t.

 

I could care less about your wife, her condition and your perfect marriage.

[Curmudgeon]

I could care less about your wife, her condition and your perfect marriage.

 

Don't presume to tell me what to do little man. You may intimidate your opponents or their clients or the little people you take on in court but you neither intimidate nor impress me.

 

I write law that things like you practice. One day you might get it right!

[Herzen]

But I think that was his personal list not meant to apply to everyone. Maybe he feels he can't handle someone with that disorder for whatever reasons.

 

That isn't on my list of red flags either. Most of the people I've dated or wanted to date had some type of disorder personality or otherwise.

 

 

Ya think!? Of course it's a personal list. Last time I checked the ADA prohibitions against disability discrimination do not apply to matters of the Heart.

 

If my relationship blockers offend, pity the offended.

[Curmudgeon]

But I think that was his personal list not meant to apply to everyone. Maybe he feels he can't handle someone with that disorder for whatever reasons.

 

Of course it was but to me, that makes it no less shallow and perjorative.

[Curmudgeon]

Last time I checked the ADA prohibitions against disability discrimination do not apply to matters of the Heart.

 

You at least have that part right. But stay tuned. If the protection and advocacy organizations have their way about it, they'll try to get that into law as well!

[Herzen]

Don't presume to tell me what to do little man. You may intimidate your opponents or their clients or the little people you take on in court but you neither intimidate nor impress me.

 

I write law that things like you practice. One day you might get it right!

 

But you can besmirch my character out of paranoid , hyper-sensitive concern for your wife's emotional condition. It's a two way street, my man. Act respectfully, and you'll get respect. Act like an as#hole, you'll get it back.

 

I'm not some ill-educated kid whom you can pick on with your arrogant, bullying PC blather. I've seen you pick on the youngsters, here. What a tough guy. Grow up, and get a real job.

 

And if you do draft statutes, pity us all.

[Lizzie60]

I like this!...

 

No seriously...I have to agree with Herzen...

 

That would also be on my list... I've been deeply depressed and I put my ex through real hell... so I wouldn't want to go through this...

 

so it would be a red flag for me... even a deal breaker.

 

OK...

 

ding-ding-ding...

 

Round 3

[McFadden]

I don't get why its offensive if one person doesn't want to date people with certain disorders they don't want to deal with. Some people are bad with being around people who are moody or depressed and wouldn't be the best person to handle it. How is it any more shallow than saying you wouldn't want to date someone who is obese or has any other specific quality?

[Curmudgeon]

But you can besmirch my character out of paranoid , hyper-sensitive concern for your wife's emotional condition. It's a two way street, my man. Act respectfully, and you'll get respect. Act like an as#hole, you'll get it back.

 

I'm not some ill-educated kid whom you can pick on with your arrogant, bullying PC blather. I've seen you pick on the youngsters, here. What a tough guy. Grow up, and get a real job.

 

And if you do draft statutes, pity us all.

 

 

Not at all paranoid, thank you, nor am I PC. In fact, I'm anything but which is part of what makes me good at what I do for a living. But I guess I'll pity you in that I write clear, unambiguous statute. It's difficult to twist.

 

As for the rest, have you sought help with your anger management problem?

 

By the way, my sensitivity is not for my wife. She's more than capable of taking care of herself. It's for the promulgation of stigma which holds those less fortunate back. Unfortunately, that's now affecting our troops as well, and not in a good way. I'm DECIDEDLY sensitive to that.

 

Have a nice day, or what's left of it.

[Curmudgeon]

How is it any more shallow than saying you wouldn't want to date someone who is obese or has any other specific quality?

 

I'm likely a bit too sensitive since I see the term "bipolar" bandied around here and elsewhere, and usually ignorantly.

 

I withdraw the comment!!

[Herzen]

I don't get why its offensive if one person doesn't want to date people with certain disorders they don't want to deal with. Some people are bad with being around people who are moody or depressed and wouldn't be the best person to handle it. How is it any more shallow than saying you wouldn't want to date someone who is obese or has any other specific quality?

 

Thank-you.

[McFadden]

I'm likely a bit too sensitive since I see the term "bipolar" bandied around here and elsewhere, and usually ignorantly.

 

I withdraw the comment!!

 

It is bandied around too much! Lately when anyone is unhappy they are labeled as depressed, if they aren't in the same mood all the time they're labeled bipolar, high confidence = narcissistic, ect. It seems like its impossible to insult someone without throwing a psychological label onto it. Most of the kids my age I know go to therapy, but I'm sure nothing is wrong with most of them and they just need a good hard dose of reality since they are rich suburban brats. I'm sure your wife actually is bipolar, I'm not talking about that situation but I think it is thrown around too much in general.

[katiebour]

Some deal-breakers for me would be:

 

Drug or alcohol abuse

Religious fanaticism

Flexible morals

Someone who doesn't want to get married

Someone who doesn't want kids

Someone with whom I feel no chemistry

 

For me everything else is up for debate- it just depends on how well we get along and how much I like them.

[LoveLace]

Couple years ago, I dated a 36 year-old man who still lived with his parents and job-hopped like crazy. He was fun and hot, but he had no ambition what so ever...yet he always talked about having children, etc...whatever dude!!

 

So now I look to see if a guy at least has goals or dreams...otherwise it feels like he has no drive.

[dbtmarley]

In no particular order :

 

1) AIDS or some other nasty disease.

2) If she snores (you would not believe the sounds I have heard come

come out of the daintiest of women).

3) 5 kids from 5 different daddies

4) IQ below 84

5) Puts out on the first date

6) Swallows without being asked to, or if I ain't holding her head

down she still swallows.

7) If she takes everything I say seriously

[LoveLace]

...Am I missing something or why is it wrong to swallow without asking?

[Star Gazer]

Curm - I agree with McF and Herzen on this one, and you know I love ya! I suppose we're weaker people, not being willing and/or able to deal with those sorts of issues. I really do commend you for being willing and able to get through those difficulties.