Knowing what to accept

[sweetscarlet]

This might sound strange, but I have a hard time knowing what is acceptable treatment in a dating situation. Thanks to some past experiences that were pretty bad, it tends to make anything look good in comparison. So I think I might tolerate more than I should.

 

And also, when there is chemistry between myself and someone (which I don't find very often at all), I tend to ignore a lot of signs along the way. This just happened with a person I was dating. There were things that I overlooked because I really liked him and how often are you going to find someone who has most of what you're looking for, right? We didn't date all that long but he just did a disappearing act on me one day which really hurt me.

 

We had words after that and it got ugly. He didn't seem to want to look like a jerk though so he convinced me that he wasn't and I sang his praises and boost his ego and we parted in a nice way.

 

I recently contacted him just being friendly and he was very cold to me. After the way he acted recently, I think my initial assessment of him was right and I told him this. It seems he's more concerned with appearing a jerk than anything else. I guess it's an ego thing.

 

But it made me go over ways that he acted when we were together and really see them as they were. For instance there was a holiday coming up. And even though we didn't know each other all that well yet, we were talking to each other every day still. I knew all about his out of town plans and when he returned, I knew all about how it went. For all he knew, I could have spent the holiday all alone. He never once asked. In fact, he never really asked much about me at all.

 

I guess, due to past relationships, I've gotten used to accepting crumbs. I don't even know how I should be treated. Or maybe I know but figure it's not going to happen (with the person) so I'll take what I can get from them.

 

Now some might say that I'm attracted to the wrong type of person, but how can you help who you're attracted to?

 

And then I always wonder....do those same people go on into a new relationship and treat the new person BETTER? Is it just something about ME? Do they show interest in the next person's holiday?

 

I don't let a guy walk all over me so I'm not a doormat. I'm not good at playing games so I'm pretty open and upfront with them. (sometimes I wish I could play the games better).

 

So I guess this all boils down to trusting my own judgement of a situation and making a good assessment. Anyone else have problems with this?

[Cupcake]

My BF recently did a disappearing act on me for an whole week, after we made plans. When he finally contacted me, he insulted me, and canceled our plans.

 

Now I'm thinkin of all the things he has done since I've known him. There are many times he acted like a jerk to me and I ignored it. For instance, before a date one evening, he called me to ask what I was wearing and told me not to dress like a slut the way I normally do. Then he clarified himself by saying that I always get attention when we go out. He didn't want me to wear anything that would draw attention.

 

We got into an argument and he said I was too sensetive and misunderstanding him. I never dress slutty, but I always wear heels. We went on the date, I wore a loose, long, and plain dress with flat shoes. I still got the same attention from men that I always get. My BF never apologized for accusing me of drawing attention deliberately and being a slut. It seemed like he got more angry at me over it. He barely spoke to me on the date.

 

BTW, he also talks about himself all the time. A majority of our conversations are about him. Sometimes, he will call me in the middle of the night just to complain about a problem. He doesn't acknowlege the fact that I was sleeping. And if I complain, he accuses me of not being considerate and caring about him. Looks like we are both dating losers.

[sweetscarlet]

Yeah they sound similiar in a way. It seems like it's after it goes bad that I can look back and see the other things that I didn't want to see. But then I doubt myself and wonder whether or not their behavior to me was bad or not. It's really screwed up.

 

Btw, see my other related thread on Trust Issues in this section. It might be familiar to you too.