how to make things less awkward

[musiclover38]

ok, one of my best friends is a guy and we are really close. the problem is that we hardly ever see each other. We talk on the phone and email occasionally. there is a major age gap but that doesn't seem to cause a problem at all. the problem is that when we see each other in person things feel very awkward to me and to him also. it didn't used to be like this because we used to see each other on a daily basis and things were normal. but there has been a period of change that has gone on and it has affected things. does anyone know any way to make things a little less weird when we see each other? it is even hard to talk to him when we are around each other. help?

 

email me here if you want to reply

 

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[Tony T]

If you feel awkward around somebody, there's something inside that's saying the situation isn't right. If you can see each other more often and get the feeling to go away like it was before, go for it. Otherwise, end the relationship.

 

You say he's your best friend but best friends don't feel awkward around each other. Now, if you might be feeling some butterflies for this guy, that may be a sign of strong feelings or fondness. But if you just feel uneasy, that's not good at all.

 

You have to live by your feelings. If you don't feel good about anything in life...if circumstances make you feel awkward or uneasy...move on.

 

Life is just too short!!!

[Jo]

OK, to start off I think you need to have a really good think. You said that you feel weird around each other when you see each other and it is even hard to talk to him;

 

1. Is this because perhaps in person you both feel a little intimidated by each other?

 

Perhaps this could be so because talking to a person in person is not the same as talking to someone on the phone, or via email. For one because you can see each other and believe it or not this can make some people feel uncomfortable and while they are great conversationalists when NOT in person, they go to pieces otherwise. * If it is this I would suggest that you talk about it with him and reassure each other that there is no reason to feel self-conscious. That you are great friends when you talk via phone or email, so nothing should be different in person.

 

2. Or is it because perhaps you are developing feelings beyond just friendship for each other?

 

Maybe you guys have kind of surpassed that friendship relationship and haven't even realised it yet, because you put your closeness down to being 'such good friends'. This may be a problem as there you may be together and there could be this underlying (almost subconcious) attraction or want for a closer relationship yet you can't tell each other about it. You guys could also be feeling this (and know it) but feel too scared to tell each other, for fear of losing the friendship or being regected, or whatever reasons really. * If it is this, I definitely think you have to talk about it. Having those kind of feelings and concealing them can make things very awkward sometimes. And remember that talking about it doesn't mean that you have to act upon your feelings. Just talk, and figure out how you both feel and what you would be comfortable with.

 

3. Or is it that you now spend a lot of time NOT together, have developed different interests and circles of friends and are perhaps growing apart?

 

Considering that you don't spend a lot of time together these days I would suggest that this is the most probable reason for the discomfort. Sometimes people find that as they begin to spend less time together and thus, start to make new friendships and develop new interests, they grow apart. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you can't make new friends and keep your old ones. * I think that out of all the reasons I have given, this is probably the easiest to fix. Just remember that although you guys may have changed a little, you are still the same people underneath it all. So you may have different friends (which can sometimes even cause a little jealousy) and like to do different things, but that doesn't mean that you can sustain this friendship. Make an effort to find out about each other's lives, meet each other's friends, take an interest in each other's hobbies and whatnot. Another thing to remember is it is always good to reminisce about the times you spent together (and have a laugh!) A question: when you talk on the phone or via email do you CONVERSE or often just talk about yourselves TO each other?

 

4. Or is it perhaps that being around him in person is difficult because you sense something strange about him or his behaviour that is not present when you are not actually speaking to him in person?

 

I'm not trying to be awful and could be totally off the track, but I just think you have to pay close attention to your feelings, THEY DON'T LIE! If you feel uncomfortable around him in person he could be acting in a way towards you that you see to be out of line. * If this is so, try to mention it to him in a subtle way. Don't have a go at him, just mention something he did and ask him why he did it. He may have a totally logical and reasonable answer, then again he may not. Don't ignore this feeling of discomfort. If you continue to feel uncomfortable around him for these reasons I would suggest that you discontinue to see him.

 

5. Or could it be that you are beginning to feel the age difference between you?

 

I'm not sure of the age gap between you but feel this could be a problem. You may be able to speak freely on the phone and via email because you hold similar opinions and ideas and just click when it comes to conversation. But when you see each other you probably go and do something and that could cause problems. As perhaps due to the age gap your ideas of fun, just aren't the same. * If this is so, I would once again say that this is not much of a problem. Once again, just make an effort to take an interest in the other person's interests and if you are that good friend's this shouldn't be a problem.

 

OK, if you truly think that you are great friend's don't just give up without a fight, as good friends are hard to find! Although have a good think about what I said above (if any of it is relevant that is) and make your decision from there. Oh, I am assuming that whatever happened between you two (the period of change) had something to do with this new found discomfort in each others presence but you didn't specify what that was so I did my best to respond considering the information you supplied. I am of course implying that I could be dead wrong! Good luck to you and I hope it all works out for the best!

 

P.S I would also check back at the forum where you posted your message. (I also posted this reply just in case.) There is another response there from a Tony, I didn't have time to read it, as of yet, but I suggest that you do. He often has some good points to make.

[musiclover38]

Wow, I think you were pretty much right on track on a few of your possibilities. I didn't say too much when I first posted my question but now I can explain a little better. Since we used to be able to talk in person very well I know it is weird now because things have changed. I know that the reason is because we have feelings for each other that we have actually discussed but never in person. We have discussed it a lot but always via email. It took time for us to talk about it and it was mostly me that had the feelings first I think. But now, we sometimes joke about it since we can't act on our feelings for a few specific reasons. The major age difference doesn't come up very often because we are so much alike that it isn't really an issue. I think the main problem now is figuring out how to talk in person since things are so weird now that we both know how each other feels. We really can't act on our feelings but I am a little nervous that we might anyway if we see each other more.

 

I hope that helped explain things a little better. Thank you for your help also!