$$$ for IT!

[Randy]

Here's the deal - my g'friend of five years and I recently (4 weeks ago) broke up. I've actually been doing pretty well with everything (I've been very sad - but fairly sure that this is the right thing . . .at least for now).

 

I went to L.A. for the weekend to visit a VERY good buddy of mine. While I was there, we partied a lot. Anyway, in the midst of this "party time", I ventured to an 'Oriental Massage Parlor' with a different friend. Now I had heard about these places before, never thought I'd try it, but there I was. I had a wonderful massage that got very sexual until she broached the question of 'how far I wanted to go'. Suffice it to say, I went . . . all the way.

 

Now I can't get it out of my mind. I feel 'dirty'. I feel guilty (for 'cheating' on my ex). I just wish it wouldn't have happened. I know I didn't 'cheat' on anyone (except maybe myself) - but this is the first woman I've been with in 5 years!! (I'm 29).

 

Any advice would be welcome.

[Cici]

Sometimes in the heat of passion we do things that we later regret. I know it's a cliche, but unfortunately it's more prevalent than most of us would like to believe.

 

I actually did cheat on my boyfriend. I don't know why, I care for him deeply. One night, I was over at a friend's house and we just did it. I felt extremely guilty (although I didn't tell my boyfriend about it, since I knew it wasn't going to happen again), but after time I realized that it was a passion thing, not really me, and I resolved to be a better companion for my partner.

 

This might have been reactionary, too. You knew your ex might be upset to know you did this, in your mind you might have been punishing her.

 

Since there's no use getting upset about something that already happened, resolve to yourself you won't do it in the future. See a confessor, if it will make you feel better. You just need to realize that a mistake is a mistake and you will do better in the future. There's nothing wrong with you!

 

Good luck!

Here's the deal - my g'friend of five years and I recently (4 weeks ago) broke up. I've actually been doing pretty well with everything (I've been very sad - but fairly sure that this is the right thing . . .at least for now). I went to L.A. for the weekend to visit a VERY good buddy of mine. While I was there, we partied a lot. Anyway, in the midst of this "party time", I ventured to an 'Oriental Massage Parlor' with a different friend. Now I had heard about these places before, never thought I'd try it, but there I was. I had a wonderful massage that got very sexual until she broached the question of 'how far I wanted to go'. Suffice it to say, I went . . . all the way. Now I can't get it out of my mind. I feel 'dirty'. I feel guilty (for 'cheating' on my ex). I just wish it wouldn't have happened. I know I didn't 'cheat' on anyone (except maybe myself) - but this is the first woman I've been with in 5 years!! (I'm 29). Any advice would be welcome.

[Lord-X]

Randy,

 

with all due respect, i don't really see where your problem is. The only thing you could possibly feel guilty about is the fact that you feel you have fallen foul of one of our oh so glorious and self righteous society's taboos. Look at it this way, you feel a bit ashamed and embarrassed, probably more in fear that either your friends could find out (in which case you could be at the mercy of some raw humour) or you could have some misconstrued notion that you have in someway cheated on your ex. It's hard to cheat on somebody you are no longer involved with.

 

You could even look at it this way, (and no, i am not a misogynist) but somewhere down the line you are paying for it. All you have done is indulged in an act, which in the more progressive societies on this earth isn't demonised by the pious and moralistic. In your own words it was wonderful. You really don't need to go and confess your sins, as the only morals you may have offended are you own, you haven't BETRAYED anyone's TRUST, so move on. You need to remember one thing, this life is the real thing, it's not a dress rehearsal. Don't waste any of your time beating yourself up on things past or listening to people's misplaced notions about making mistakes. Live your life and all the experiences it has to offer and take everything in your stride. Live for today, not yesterday or tomorrow, because it doesn't last forever.

 

Take it easy!

 

Lord-X

Sometimes in the heat of passion we do things that we later regret. I know it's a cliche, but unfortunately it's more prevalent than most of us would like to believe. I actually did cheat on my boyfriend. I don't know why, I care for him deeply. One night, I was over at a friend's house and we just did it. I felt extremely guilty (although I didn't tell my boyfriend about it, since I knew it wasn't going to happen again), but after time I realized that it was a passion thing, not really me, and I resolved to be a better companion for my partner.

 

This might have been reactionary, too. You knew your ex might be upset to know you did this, in your mind you might have been punishing her.

 

Since there's no use getting upset about something that already happened, resolve to yourself you won't do it in the future. See a confessor, if it will make you feel better. You just need to realize that a mistake is a mistake and you will do better in the future. There's nothing wrong with you! Good luck!