Trying to forget about someone and move on

[Tori]

The other day my ex-boyfriend (of three years) called me out of the blue, I haven't seen or spoken with him for about 10 months so it was pretty shocking. I didn't think he would ever call me again.

 

You see the last time we even spoke, which was a year ago, we were both pretty confused and although we were attracted to eachother and wanted to date, he decided to cut off contact with me because he was afraid that he would get hurt again. In the three years before that, when we dated I broke up with him a few times because I was having problems and it really tore him apart. So, I thought that it was all over when he blew me off. I had a hard time getting over him in the past year, I wondered why he cut off contact with me.

 

And finally the other day he called... I thought I was over him but now I can't get him off my mind. I have been with another guy for a long time and although I love him, I still can't stop thinking about my ex. We spent 7 hours on the phone, he told me his girlfriend broke up with him 2 weeks ago and that was part of the reason he didn't talk to me. He kept bringing up things that happened in the past between us, how I hurt him and how rough it was on him. I didn't know how to feel, this whole past year I have been trying to supress feelings about him and trying to forget. And now i'm back where I started from. It hurts a lot knowing it can't work out between us, I am with someone I care about a lot. But I feel like i'm being torn apart inside wanting to talk to my ex. I want to pick up the phone and call him so bad but I know it's the wrong thing to do. It's been a few day since we talked and I keep wondering if he's going to call again. It seemed like he still cared when we talked, I could tell there were a lot of unresolved issues. It bothered me that he finally called me after a year and it just happened to be a week or so after his girlfriend dumped him. Is he turning to me because he's bored or desperate? It's so hard to forget everything and forget our conversation. I keep wondering what he's thinking and if he feels the same. Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar?

[Lyz]

I have been in the same situation.My boyfriend , and first true love, and I broke up. Then, 6 months later he called em out of the blue. He had been involved with someone for a while and when they broke up he called. I had all the same questions about his reasons for calling and my state of mind. We started off talking and then we saw each other again a few weeks later. We ended up dating again but only for a few months. My best advice to you is to think about your true heart and what you want. Maybe even take a break from your current boyfriend and have some "you" time... where you are not involved but learning to be happy without a man. Then you can judge what guy is right for you, since you have to know your deepest heart very well before someone else can. Let me also say though, my ex and I are incredibly great friends now. I still love him more than i culd imagine but am comfortable with us as friends. It's really hard when he talks about his girlfriend and his love for her but i take it in stride and remember that my life is fuller with him in some capacity than completely without him. We are closer and know more about each other, talk more, and have less tension in our relationship now than ever before. I do love him but that's why i am so happy with him as my pal, my friend. Remember that it's unfair to your current man to stay with him when you feel for another but dont just cut him out. Your ex may be a good friend, may be that's it. Think about the level of stress relationships cause. It sounds like you and your ex had a very high stress level with your rocky, up and down, realtionship. Do you and your current simply fit better? If so, then he's better for you in that capacity. Whatever you do, try not ruin a chance at a very close and good friend in you ex.

[Isabel]

Dear Tori

 

"I broke up with him a few times because I was having problems and..."

 

I think before we can have any further rights to be involved with this person again, maybe you should check you past problems. Are they solved? Will you still be upset by the same issues? will they hurt him again?

 

If not, your instincts will tell you what to do.

 

God Bless!

 

Isabella

[Georgia]

First of all, look at when he he all of a sudden decided to call you. He called you after a break up with a girl that he had obviosly been seeing for a while. He was probably lonely and needed some comforting, so he called you. I've been guily of doing the same thing. Whenever a relationship ends, you try to find a soft and conveinient place to fall, which is usually a past lover. I wouldn't take anything he said to heart, because I don't think your heart can stand it when he departs from your life as suddenly as he reentered.

 

Second, you said that you started to feel things for him, which may be a sign that you are not too happy with your current partner. You might want to take a long look at your partner and assess your relationship with him. Are you settling? Do you deserve better? Are you unhappy with yourself?

 

I wish you the best of luck. I too have been in your situation, so I know how it feels. Think about things some more, and you will know what to do.

The other day my ex-boyfriend (of three years) called me out of the blue, I haven't seen or spoken with him for about 10 months so it was pretty shocking. I didn't think he would ever call me again. You see the last time we even spoke, which was a year ago, we were both pretty confused and although we were attracted to eachother and wanted to date, he decided to cut off contact with me because he was afraid that he would get hurt again. In the three years before that, when we dated I broke up with him a few times because I was having problems and it really tore him apart. So, I thought that it was all over when he blew me off. I had a hard time getting over him in the past year, I wondered why he cut off contact with me. And finally the other day he called... I thought I was over him but now I can't get him off my mind. I have been with another guy for a long time and although I love him, I still can't stop thinking about my ex. We spent 7 hours on the phone, he told me his girlfriend broke up with him 2 weeks ago and that was part of the reason he didn't talk to me. He kept bringing up things that happened in the past between us, how I hurt him and how rough it was on him. I didn't know how to feel, this whole past year I have been trying to supress feelings about him and trying to forget. And now i'm back where I started from. It hurts a lot knowing it can't work out between us, I am with someone I care about a lot. But I feel like i'm being torn apart inside wanting to talk to my ex. I want to pick up the phone and call him so bad but I know it's the wrong thing to do. It's been a few day since we talked and I keep wondering if he's going to call again. It seemed like he still cared when we talked, I could tell there were a lot of unresolved issues. It bothered me that he finally called me after a year and it just happened to be a week or so after his girlfriend dumped him. Is he turning to me because he's bored or desperate? It's so hard to forget everything and forget our conversation. I keep wondering what he's thinking and if he feels the same. Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar?