Does she just want to be friends

[Sentinal]

I am friendly with a girl at work but I think I am falling in love with her. I do not know if she feels the same.

 

I seem to be get mixed signals from her, somedays we can hit it off really well and other times she does not seem to want to acknowledge that I exist at all. But it is not a straightforward as that. It is probably easiest to describe the history of it all. This may seem long and complicated but stick with it.

 

Jen started work for us in June of 97. She is a very attractive and friendly person. I was the person that got Jen the job as my partner at the time worked with Jen's twin sister, Kaz. Jen & Kaz share a flat (apartment, for our American cousins) that is only 30 seconds from my house. For the next 6 months we were just normal work mates (there are only 16 people in the company) I thought she was a nice person but I had no feelings for her. We shared a bus home once or twice after a night out with work and just chatted about things in general.

 

On the Friday before Christmas at a disco after our staff Christmas night out I led her up to dance and put my arms around her waist to help get through the crowd. We had a great time without anything special happening and we shared a bus home afterwards. Over the next couple of days I realised I was becoming attracted to her. On the Monday to Wednesday of Christmas week I drove her to and from work (Jen usually drives her sister to work but Kaz was on holiday) as it was silly to take 2 cars to the same office, and I spent as much time with her as I could we had another lunch and drinks on Christams eve etc. I even managed a Christmas kiss as I dropped her off on Christmas Eve. We were then breaking up for Christmas at would not be back at work until the 5th January and I was trying to work out how I could see Jen before then.

 

On the Monday after Christmas I made sure I walked past Jen's kitchen window, remember its only 30 secs from me and I need to walk past Jen's to get to the shop (store). Luckily she was at the window as I went past (or was it fate, Ha,Ha) I stopped and we spoke, telling her I was bored and she suggested I could go with her and her sister as they were going shopping. Of course I said yes. I had a great day just hanging around with her and having lunch. She spent a lot of time complaining about her boyfriend who she had been seeing for nearly 3 years who had went home for Christmas. After taking me home Jen asked what I was doing the next day and I said I didn't know but I would like to go to the Cinema but it was a bit sad to go alone. They then suggested that they might like to go as well. We agreed for me to visit them the next morning.

 

I went over the next day and Jen answered the door having just got out of bed looking sleepy with her hair a mess but I thought she lokked so cute. I offered to come back later but was asked to stay whilst they got showered and dressed. We spent the rest of the day at the flat and going back to my place just chatting about nothing special. Jen did a couple of things that surprised me, she had a rash on her stomach and so she lifted her top to show me, which seemed to annoy Kaz a bit. Jen also showed off a spot half way up her back that doesn't tan after showing me her holiday photos. Does this seem a bit over friendly for workmates?

 

Andy her boyfriend came home the next day and I didn't see Jen until we started work again. Over the next few weeks I would speak to her in the office as much as I could. Some days she was very friendly and other times she seemed to try to ignore me. Jen and I even visited her mother to help solve a problem with her PC. I was going from great highs when she was friendly to pits of despair when she ignored me. I eventually e-mailed her sister to ask if there was anything wrong (bad move). I was told to back off, I was being "over friendly" and she was very happy with Andy.

 

I backed off and apologised to Jen and told her I just wanted to be friends (big lie), she accepted my apology and said she was a very private person and was probably overreacting. After a few weeks we were back to being on really friendly terms again. We even had a great evening out with work mates were I felt we even acted like a couple that evening. The following week she started complaining to me that Andy was a bastard and even joked that she was going to finish with him. The next day I knew something was wrong but she wouldn't talk to me but I found out they had split up. After a few days they had made it up and Jen apologised to me before being moody. I sent her an Email saying I was happy for her and I was glad she had made it up. I think I shocked her with this and Kaz phoned me at work to tell me to leave Jen alone and to not try to split them up. I decided that the best thing would be to have as little to do with Jen as possible and try to forget about her.

 

The next day we bumped into each other and she apologised for Kaz and said she was just being over protective and could we still be friends. I apologised and said I just wanted to be friends anyway and we agreed to stay friends. 2 weeks later Jen and Andy split up permanently. After a few weeks we managed to get back to being on the same friendly terms as before. Over all this time somedays she would tell me things I wouldn't expect her to tell anyone e.g. being on the pill and when she came off it, the time she thought she was pregnant, apologising for being grumpy when she was a day late and worrying about being pregnant, etc. Other days I felt she didn't acknowledge I existed.

 

2 weeks ago we went to a party from someone at work and I had a great time just being together without anything happening besides sitting beside each other all night, glancing at each other all the time, etc. We had a good chat about relationships on the way home both agreeing that we should do what was best for ourselves and not stay together for our partners sake, but we were probably too drunk to remember most of it. I saw Jen to her door but she rushed inside with a quick goodbye. We were really friendly over the next couple of weeks and last weekend all of the office went for an adventure weekend and I spent almost all of the time together with Jen. We even managed to spend some time on our own. We stayed in the Scottish highlands in a hotel about half a mile from the nearest village. We walked to the village on our own and she spoke about this being lovely and peaceful and it was good to get away from everyone else and how she enjoyed country walks. At the beginning of the weekend I felt I was always making sure I was near Jen but by the end of the weekend it just seemed natural to be together. When I took Jen back to her place on Sunday I felt we didn’t really want to leave and she stood at her door and waved as I drove off. I even went back past her window 10 minutes later and she was there and we stopped and chatted for another 5 minutes.

 

She was friendly at work on Monday but since then she has been quit and I am getting the feeling that she doesn’t want to talk to me.

 

I think about us being together all the time but I don’t know if she feels the same.

 

I guess what I want to know is

 

What do you think she wants to be, a friend or something more?

How can I tell what she is thinking?

Am I just being a jerk and should I stop pestering her?

Is she putting up with me because she is too nice to say something?

 

Please let me know what you think as she is driving me mad.