KDcutie Posted May 17, 2001 Share Posted May 17, 2001 Hi! I am doing a self-help exercise from one of my books and I discovered that I have a hidden block like a "wall of resistance" to guys because I have something inside that I am uncomfortable with and that I push away available guys. I discovered that my two main issues are my weight - I couls stand to lose a couple pounds (which I am taking care of - I just lost 7.6 pounds my very first week in weight watchers!!)and my second issue is that I am embarrassed that I have never had a boyfriend and I am 21 years old. Is this completely abnormal? Have you heard of someone getting this old and never having a boyfriend? I went to an all girls high school and I felt very fat my first two years and relied on the company of my best friend (a guy) to get me through. When our friendship abruptly ended I was crushed an dtransformed my self and lost 90 pounds in 4 months. I battled with an eating disorder the next two years and was uncomfortable with my body, very thin though it was and didn't have any boyfriends. I had one kiss on the lips my senior year. In college I started gaining some weight back. I had lots of guy friends and it felt like I had five or six boyfriends that I went out with but none of us ever hooked up because in reality we were just close friends. I hooked uip with other guys at parties but not one boyfriend. Once I had a guy that I was kind of seeing. We hooked up like three times and used to go places together. It was the first time that someone I hung out with on many occassions hooked up and still had a good relationship. He now has a boyfriend of his own. Yet I do not. I have spent a lot of time battling with my insecurities and for the first time in my life I feel really good about myself, yet I am still nervous about telling a guy that I like that I have never had a boyfriend. I feel like he will think "No one wanted her so why should I?" Now I know that lotsof guys have wanted me and that I am picky and that I am a valuable person no matter what but it makes me sick to think of telling a guy I like about this! What can I say to him and how can I feel better about it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted May 17, 2001 Share Posted May 17, 2001 Who said you have to tell anyone that you haven't had a boyfriend?????????? Don't!!! and everything will be just fine. Looks like you're doing great on your own. Feeling good about yourself is very important, so that's an excellent start. So the next time you meet a guy, don't tell him that you haven't had a boyfriend. It's none of his business anyway. If he asks, say that you were "involved in a few relationships that were of no significance to you". And leave it at that. They don't have a right to know any more details about your past. Besides, most guys you meet will likely ask you if you have a boyfriend right now, rather than if you had one in the past. And about whether it's abnormal of you not to have had a boyfriend by age 21, that's not true at all. You're completely normal. Heck, you're luckier than a lot of people. You've had guys that have been interested in you, that have liked you. But your higher standards kept you away from them. Keep those standards, find a wonderful guy, and you'll be just fine Hopefully that helps. If not, please post again. Link to post Share on other sites
kikie Posted May 17, 2001 Share Posted May 17, 2001 I agree with sparkle, totally. One thing i wanna tell u is that my bf is very very happy i have never been intimate with another guy before ... guys LOVE being the first one (i think ) ... while in a guy it's experience that's valuable, in girls - it's purity ... so relax!!! =) and have fun!... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 17, 2001 Share Posted May 17, 2001 Why'd you change your screen name? Just curious... Link to post Share on other sites
SugarSpice Posted May 17, 2001 Share Posted May 17, 2001 If it is any consolation, I am 25 and have never had a boyfriend either. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If you have high standards - that's great. You shouldn't get involved with just anyone just to say you have had or have a boyfriend. If you feel the need to tell a guy that you have never had a boyfriend feel free to do so. There's nothing wrong with being honest. However, if you really feel uncomfortable about admitting that then just take the advice from a previous response and say you have been involved with a few people but it was nothing serious. Hi! I am doing a self-help exercise from one of my books and I discovered that I have a hidden block like a "wall of resistance" to guys because I have something inside that I am uncomfortable with and that I push away available guys. I discovered that my two main issues are my weight - I couls stand to lose a couple pounds (which I am taking care of - I just lost 7.6 pounds my very first week in weight watchers!!)and my second issue is that I am embarrassed that I have never had a boyfriend and I am 21 years old. Is this completely abnormal? Have you heard of someone getting this old and never having a boyfriend? I went to an all girls high school and I felt very fat my first two years and relied on the company of my best friend (a guy) to get me through. When our friendship abruptly ended I was crushed an dtransformed my self and lost 90 pounds in 4 months. I battled with an eating disorder the next two years and was uncomfortable with my body, very thin though it was and didn't have any boyfriends. I had one kiss on the lips my senior year. In college I started gaining some weight back. I had lots of guy friends and it felt like I had five or six boyfriends that I went out with but none of us ever hooked up because in reality we were just close friends. I hooked uip with other guys at parties but not one boyfriend. Once I had a guy that I was kind of seeing. We hooked up like three times and used to go places together. It was the first time that someone I hung out with on many occassions hooked up and still had a good relationship. He now has a boyfriend of his own. Yet I do not. I have spent a lot of time battling with my insecurities and for the first time in my life I feel really good about myself, yet I am still nervous about telling a guy that I like that I have never had a boyfriend. I feel like he will think "No one wanted her so why should I?" Now I know that lotsof guys have wanted me and that I am picky and that I am a valuable person no matter what but it makes me sick to think of telling a guy I like about this! What can I say to him and how can I feel better about it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KDcutie Posted May 17, 2001 Share Posted May 17, 2001 Thanks so much for all the responses!! It really makes me feel a lot better and a lot more normal to hear from you guys! I really appreciate it!!! Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
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