Can't cope with kids

[A Guest]

I have to say I fell at such a loss. I know I'm not the first but I really don't know how to shake this. I have a five year old boy who is really very good but he sometimes doesn't do what I tell him. He makes ALOT of noise and is very active, I have never seen him sit down to eat anything he's always hopping off his chair, even when he watches tv he jumps round the room.

 

I feel I can't cope with it, I start getting really really angry at the state of the house, at every little thing he does wrong. I tell him I am never going to be nice to him again if he isn't nice to me. I'm sure I'm not doing him any good by saying that but I shout and shout at him to do something and he just sits there and looks at me.

 

I have a feeling that the problem lies mainly with me. I don't know what's wrong with me, I seem to have little or no patience when it comes to my kids. Even my two year old is beginning to say No to me and hit me. (I don't hit either of them but I am told that shouting can be just as threatening).

 

Does anyone have any tricks to help them calm down??

[Vega]

First - get everyone checked by a doctor -- yourself first!

 

Look at your diet and what the kids eat -- talk it over with the doctor. Sometimes a change in diet can cleanse the body of toxins after a few weeks and behavoirs and attitudes will settle down. do they (& you) eat toomuch sweet stuff? even some fruits and natural foods can contain too much sucrose and at the wrong time of day that can really alter behavoirs. do you get enough sleep? do you have outside interests so that you can take a break from the kids?

 

Take some parenting classes (are you a single mom? if not, get your husband into the parenting classes too) to learn how to deal with this. shouting isn't working and is only causing more stress.

 

its normal for a 2yrold to say no they are testing their parents and theirselves.

 

 

its gets better.

[A Guest]

Thank you Vega. I am very careful about what we eat, we do eat sensibly. As for my own interests, I wouldn't ahve anyone to look after the children so i couldn't have my own interests. My husband is in work all day and doesn't seem to have much interest in helping me.

 

Sometimes in the middle of the day I just want to lie down and go to sleep. I feel really guilty all the time, thinking that I'm an awful mother. I do try, I clean, make good meals, invite the kids friends over once or twice a week, read them stories, make sure they go to bed at the same time every night.

 

I do feel I lack stimulation but it's so dificult because I don't feel I WANT to do anything. I would love to have friends I could exercise with at night or something but I have very few friends left (none of them have any children and we've now drifted apart)

 

I don't know what to do

[Chris777]

You sound a bit depressed.

 

Do you get much contact with your friends and or relatives?

 

conversation with adults can be very helpful.

 

It sounds like the only discipline you use is yelling.

 

while I am sure others will disagree, I have switched to spanking, though I rarely have to use it with my daughter.

 

You don't want your kids (particularly the 5 yr old) to push their boundaries too far, as bringing them back in is more difficult the farther they stray.

 

You might also wish to discuss the matter with your husband, and explain, that you feel the kids may not be getting as much structure, as they need, and you would like his input. (and maby he will be more open to assisting, or even becoming more active in it) Too many people pass the buck, when they should be doing more themselves

[A Guest]

Chris I agree with you that my husband should help but I have tried talking to him. He just says I'm nagging and to stop nagging. Or else he says 'yes the kids need steady disciplining and structure' but then does nothing to help me achieve it.

 

We're currently going to marriage counselling (have been for three months now) because we can't communicate at all. We do need to sit down and discuss what punishments we are going to have for certain things. For example if our son disrespects us then he will get such and such a punishment (no tv or something) but then we never seem to follow it through (or I don't) because I get tired and i just stick on the telly.

 

I think I do have lack of contact with the outside world - I wasn't half as bad when he was in school because he was only home half the time and I would go out to collect him from school but now during the holidays I never go out. The poor kids.

 

I need to motivate myself more. I do feel very depressed. How do I make myself do things? I keep telling myself I need a good kick in the backside but I don't know if that would move me!! I feel like I'm drowning. All I do is give out about the state of the house and moan about all the housework! I hate what I've become!

[Chris777]

I know its hard to motivate yourself, sometimes. Their are days it is all i can do to get out of the bed, (chronic pain) But sometimes you have to try and force yourself out. Try taking the kids to the park, or a museum, someplace cheap, or free , just to get out and not be so secluded.

Have you talked to the councellor about being down? They might have some suggestions.

 

I Do not reccomend pills, as they tend to mess with your mind as well. similar to alcohol, but longer acting, and more subtle. But try putting off some of the housework, as it sounds like its not getting done anyway, and take the kids for a walk, in the yard, or at the park.

[RecordProducer]

I am the last one that should advise you on this matter as my kids are two spoiled monstaz. Twin boys that will turn 7 this year!

 

But I'll tell you one principal about kids: they need discipline. You must be serious at your demands. When my kids see that I am not kidding, they listen to me. The thing is I find it hard in my heart to be strict to them. And the result is I end up angry and yell at them and tell them things I don't mean or ignore them (I am lucky they play in their room together so I can do that).

 

I know I would be a much better mother if my mom weren't around (we live with her) and if my ex-husband didn't influence them in a very bad way.

They seem to listen to me more when I spend a lot of time with them and are nice to them. Then they want to return the favor and be good to me.

There are things we shouldn't accept by our kids such as them hitting us. You must take a firm stand about who is whose parent and how they talk to you and treat you.

On teh other hand there are certain character flaws that they will keep forever and we need to face that. That's why it's even more important to set rules, because we should teach them how to deal with their faults.