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16 yr old son has obsessions that cause problems


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Old 24th October 2017, 4:49 PM   #1
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16 yr old son has obsessions that cause problems

I'm a mom of two kids, Eva, 19, and John, 16 (names changed to protect their identities).

John is 16 and obsessed with winning. It doesn't matter what the prize is, what the competition is, even if the prize is crappy, he has to win.

If he doesn't win, he gets into a really bad mood and starts yelling at me and his dad. He's also very obsessive over entering competitions online. We've tried punihsing him, taking away internet access but his bad moods continue.

Then, just to add to this, he's also insisting "Mom, I need a sports bra, it feels gooood" and has been taking Eva's sports bras and she's complained about the stink he leaves. He's also been leaving skid marks in Eva's panties too. He told me "It's not a fetish.... I need to wear a sports bra for medical reasons: (but my son has no man-boobs, and he says he isn't a crossdresser, so why??)

My son insists "I hate boxer shorts. Need panties, mainly the Nike ones."

I don't know if my son is mentally ill or not, he's never been diagnosed officially with any illness.

I've also found another disturbing revelation, he's emailed pictures of himself in boxer shorts to a woman aged 23 in Colorado he met via a gaming site and now wants to meet her offline. We've told him no, he can't but he's insistent (we live in a neighborhood in Manchester, NH, and she's in Denver, CO). We had no issues with him being on the gaming site.

He's also used his official highschool email account to email this woman the underwear pictures.

Eva is moving out in November anyway and she's worried over the whole thing, says it's like their bond has gone.

My husband has tried talking to my son but he's just obsessive over winning and sports bras & panties and it's causing us concern.

We've tried everything, please help us.
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Old 24th October 2017, 4:54 PM   #2
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I think you need to get him to a good shrink. He may be manic depressive (bipolar)
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Old 24th October 2017, 6:14 PM   #3
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He does need to go into counseling because he's acting as if he's unaware his behaviors are different. Does he play a lot of video games and maybe got used to the constant winning? That's what's addictive about them. You win, win, win, and get your reward. Maybe he is thinking the real world is like that or ought to be.

His wanting a sports bra, whether he knows it or not, is some kind of gender identity issue, not that I'm saying it needs to be "cured." It doesn't, but he is showing confusion about the whole thing and the main thing is he is being inappropriate online and doing things that could get him in trouble, so it needs to be sorted out with a psychologist, preferably one you google or call around who is understanding about gender issues. You don't want one who thinks they're immoral or something. Good luck.
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Old 24th October 2017, 7:19 PM   #4
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We cannot diagnose your son, but we can offer our thoughts and opinions.

1. Sounds like he might have some self-esteem issues withe who competitive thing. To some degree that may be normal. Teenagers are hormonal and going through a lot. Let him know you are proud of him no matter what the outcome. Explain that there will always be somebody who doesn't win and that's OK. Keep saying that every time he becomes competitive.

2. As for wearing your daughters bra and panties... it could be a couple different things. tI can be sensory thing, maybe his nipples/groin are being rubbed during exercise, or it could be a sexuality thing. He is a teenager and may be figuring out his sexuality.

A. Does he do anything else feminine (i.e. experiment with makeup, jewelry, etc.?)
B. Does he have any male friends? How about female friends?

3. As for the gaming thing... he developed a crush. And this crush is safe as she is far away. I think he is figuring himself out. The school e-mail address.... not such a good idea.

A. Does he have a girlfriend?
B. Has he has a girlfriend before?

Start asking him some more questions like above. See if he is comfortable opening up with you. If he doesn't open up to you ask if he would be agreeable to see a psychologist (start there) and move to Psychiatry if recommended.
Good luck.
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:20 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
I think you need to get him to a good shrink. He may be manic depressive (bipolar)
What part of any of this is remotely bipolar?
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:22 PM   #6
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What part of any of this is remotely bipolar?
I was just kidding, but he should see a shrink
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:27 PM   #7
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How does he cope with life's disappointments in general? Does he only get upset if he doesn't win or does he get upset about other things not going his way? I'm wondering if this is about lack of resilience.

The girls underwear? It's must be so gross for Eva - not to mention that he'd stretch and ruin her nice things. If he needs to experiment, give him some of his own pretty things to wear.
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:45 PM   #8
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Not normal at all. No normal teenager wants to talk with their opposite sex parent about underwear. EVER. And to mention how much he likes opposite sex underwear/cross-dressing and to take photos of himself doing it? He needs help. Badly. At the very least, it is a bad case of "no boundaries."
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